Re: Bad jokes collected from your Inbox

[damfast]

hahahaha. i knew he lied! darn it

[The Troll]

  A man woke up after a serious accident.

  He shouted "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

  The Doctor replied,




  "I know, I amputed your arms."

[Henry Hawk]

  A man woke up after a serious accident.

  He shouted "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

  The Doctor replied,




  "I know, I amputed your arms."

booooooo!

[The Troll]

  DEJA MOO:  The feeling you get that you've heard this BULL before.      

[Henry Hawk]

  DEJA MOO:  The feeling you get that you've heard this BULL before.      

You are working very hard to get my next HH Humor Award....

[The Troll]

  A cable jumper walks into a bar.

  The bartender says, "I'll serve you' 


  "but don't start anything."

[Palehorse]

Two priests went on vacation to Hawaii. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.

These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said

'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'

She replied, 'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'

[Henry Hawk]

 

[The Troll]

  What do you call a fish without any eyes.          FSH!

[Henry Hawk]

  What do you call a fish without any eyes.          FSH!

  that is bad!!! 

[The Troll]

 

  The invisible man married  the invisible woman.  Well,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, their kid weren't much to look at either.

[Sandy Eggo]

Be-da-bump!

[me]

 

Nothing like a good religious story.

Getting a hairdryer through customs....
  A distinguished young woman on a flight from

  Ireland

asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'

'Of course, child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair

dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and

well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll

confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it

through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you:

I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.


The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'


'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked,

'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'


'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'

[The Troll]

  A dwarf who was a mystic, escaped form jail.    The call when out of the police radio that "a small medium was at large."

[me]

Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little man staring at him, he looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown." The little guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to by shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?" The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me~I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds and my name is Turner Brown." The little guy says: "Turner Brown?! Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around".