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Re: Bad jokes collected from your Inbox

Started by Natas, May 17, 2007, 10:11:55 AM

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LOsborne

#180
December 31, 2009, 05:46:03 PM
Quote from: Henry Hawk on December 31, 2009, 02:40:52 PM
how about a federal mandate requiring all individuals to obtain health insurance .... let me know if this is in our Constitution....

No. Neither is it in our constitution that I have to pay for the indigent. But that's the way it works right now. The rest of y'all need to pay your share of the freight.

Henry Hawk

#181
January 04, 2010, 08:09:02 AM
Quote from: LOsborne on December 31, 2009, 05:46:03 PM
No. Neither is it in our constitution that I have to pay for the indigent. But that's the way it works right now. The rest of y'all need to pay your share of the freight.

No we (as a government) need to be better stewards of the peoples money....and quit wasting it.......quit the pork crap....building hippy musems and studies of sex of fruitflys.....start using some common sense...

not really asking for too much...
"The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left."
Ecclesiastes 10:2 - It all makes sense to me now...


"The future ain't what it used to be."– Yogi Berra

"Square roots are rarely found on any plant." FTW

Bo D

#182
January 04, 2010, 08:23:30 AM
Quote from: Henry Hawk on January 04, 2010, 08:09:02 AM
No we (as a government) need to be better stewards of the peoples money....and quit wasting it.......quit the pork crap....building hippy musems and studies of sex of fruitflys.....start using some common sense...

not really asking for too much...

Dude! What's wrong with hippie museums?

:biggrin:
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."  Carl Sagan

Henry Hawk

#183
January 04, 2010, 08:52:27 AM
Quote from: Olias on January 04, 2010, 08:23:30 AM
Dude! What's wrong with hippie museums?

:biggrin:

Sorry Olias...maybe that was a poor example to make my point to you... :biggrin:
"The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left."
Ecclesiastes 10:2 - It all makes sense to me now...


"The future ain't what it used to be."– Yogi Berra

"Square roots are rarely found on any plant." FTW

Bo D

#184
January 04, 2010, 08:53:52 AM
Quote from: Henry Hawk on January 04, 2010, 08:52:27 AM
Sorry Olias...maybe that was a poor example to make my point to you... :biggrin:

Yeah ... some old farts might just learn something from a hippie museum. Like ... peace ... love ... understanding...
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."  Carl Sagan

damfast

#185
January 04, 2010, 09:47:03 AM
bad jokes? you guys need to get out of our room with that stuff or i am telling mom.


mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, the boys are fighting again.


*she said for you to come there.

now
:yes:
It's always darkest before the dawn.  So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Henry Hawk

#186
January 04, 2010, 09:50:54 AM
sorry...
"The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left."
Ecclesiastes 10:2 - It all makes sense to me now...


"The future ain't what it used to be."– Yogi Berra

"Square roots are rarely found on any plant." FTW

Palehorse

#187
January 04, 2010, 12:51:43 PM
                                                                                                                :snowcld: :cold:
                                                                                          :snowcld: :cold:
                                                                    :snowcld: :cold:
                                             :snowcld: :cold:
                       :snowcld: :cold:
               :snowcld: :cold:
:snowball: :LIS: :thinksnow:
               :snowcld: :cold:
                       :snowcld: :cold:
                                             :snowcld: :cold:
                                                                   :snowcld: :cold:
                                                                                         :snowcld: :cold:
                                                                                                               :snowcld: :cold:
R.I.P. - followsthewolf - You are MISSED! 4/17/2013

That which fails to kill me. . .should run!

Any "point" made by one that lacks credibility, is only as useful as toilet paper; and serves the same purpose. ~ Palehorse 4/22/2017

May you find charity when it is needed, and the ability to extend it when it is not. ~Palehorse 7/4/2012

To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell's heart, I stab at thee; For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee.~Herman Melville

dan foster

#188
January 06, 2010, 10:58:32 PM
Quote from: Henry Hawk on January 04, 2010, 08:09:02 AM
No we (as a government) need to be better stewards of the peoples money....and quit wasting it.......quit the pork crap....building hippy musems and studies of sex of fruitflys.....start using some common sense...

not really asking for too much...

Yeah, we need to ensure there is enough money to give to big corporations, DoD and Banks.
"Wherever morality is based on theology, wherever right is made dependent on divine authority, the most immoral, unjust, infamous things can be justified and established." -- Ludwig Feuerbach, The Essence of Christianity, 1841

"A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world" Louis Pasteur

"It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so." -- Sir Arthur C. Clarke

notatroll

#189
January 07, 2010, 04:47:48 PM
Quote from: Palehorse on January 04, 2010, 12:51:43 PM
                                                                                                               :snowcld: :cold:
                                                                                          :snowcld: :cold:
                                                                    :snowcld: :cold:
                                             :snowcld: :cold:
                       :snowcld: :cold:
               :snowcld: :cold:
:snowball: :LIS: :thinksnow:
               :snowcld: :cold:
                       :snowcld: :cold:
                                             :snowcld: :cold:
                                                                   :snowcld: :cold:
                                                                                         :snowcld: :cold:
                                                                                                               :snowcld: :cold:
:no:   NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  More snow.

me

#190
January 12, 2010, 01:22:53 AM
Two Woodpeckers...
A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.
The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Apparently, Tiger Woods was right, when he said, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.
Trump 2020

me

#191
January 12, 2010, 01:28:17 AM
Blood transfusions
American Medical Association researchers have found that

Patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.





It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

Just thought you'd like to know...
Trump 2020

Palehorse

#192
January 15, 2010, 08:04:01 PM
My small grandson got lost at the shopping mall.........


He approached a uniformed security guard and said  "I've lost my grandpa!"
"The guard asked, "What's he like?"
The little tyke hesitated for a moment and then replied,
"Jack Daniels whiskey and women with big tits."
R.I.P. - followsthewolf - You are MISSED! 4/17/2013

That which fails to kill me. . .should run!

Any "point" made by one that lacks credibility, is only as useful as toilet paper; and serves the same purpose. ~ Palehorse 4/22/2017

May you find charity when it is needed, and the ability to extend it when it is not. ~Palehorse 7/4/2012

To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell's heart, I stab at thee; For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee.~Herman Melville

Palehorse

#193
January 15, 2010, 08:12:03 PM
It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the problem. The storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen.
Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem -- how to prevent the bottom
layer from sliding/rolling from under the others.

The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations, called, for reasons unknown, a Monkey. But if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make them of brass - hence,Brass Monkeys.
Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled.

Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.
Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. And all this time, folks thought that was just a vulgar expression?
R.I.P. - followsthewolf - You are MISSED! 4/17/2013

That which fails to kill me. . .should run!

Any "point" made by one that lacks credibility, is only as useful as toilet paper; and serves the same purpose. ~ Palehorse 4/22/2017

May you find charity when it is needed, and the ability to extend it when it is not. ~Palehorse 7/4/2012

To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell's heart, I stab at thee; For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee.~Herman Melville

LOsborne

#194
January 17, 2010, 05:11:16 PM
Your tale reminds me of Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle. Didn't Hoenikker learn how to make Ice-nine by studying the different ways to stack cannonballs? San Lorenzo always seemed like Haiti to me. Maybe that's why it came to mind.
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