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I am sick of it! All the lies about Bigfoot that are circulating on the Internet and being printed in those trashy tabloids. First of all, Bigfoot is not a violent creature. Yes, there are cases where Bigfoot has lost his temper but wouldn't a human get angry when he comes across someone maliciously destroying his home? Is it no wonder that people are afraid of Bigfoot with all the lies being spread by the media? When Bigfoot comes across someone lost in the forest we don't kill and eat them! No, if at all possible we lead them to safety without giving ourselves away but in some cases we have to be a little more obvious. Yes, we use man's natural fear of the unknown to guide the poor lost human by positioning ourselves on the opposite side where we would like them to go. Then we let the human see us and they run in the direction we want them to. Bigfoot is not the dumb lumbering animal that we are often depicted to be. Nor are we sex perverts. If we were human we would have many open and shut cases of defamation. Here are a few examples of the lies being circulated about Bigfoot.

This woman obviously lives a promiscuous lifestyle and probably has no idea who the child's father is but it isn't Bigfoot! Maybe she is married to a man who is sterile and uses Bigfoot as the fall guy knowing that collecting Bigfoot DNA to prove paternity is pretty near impossible because Bigfoot tries very hard to keep his life private. Secondly, only a fool would think the child pictured has Bigfoot for a father. Look at his little feet, HELLO! Now I am not an expert in genetics but it looks to me that this boy has Wolfman blood in him. Everyone knows how high the Woldman's sex drive is due to the hormones racing through his blood. The Wolfman is so horny he would shag a dead deer in nothing else were available. No, I think this woman probably had an illicit affair with a Wolfman then, after she found out she was pregnant, conspired with the horny father to blame the innocent Bigfoot.

A love slave? What's the deal with these women blaming Bigfoot for impregnating them? Bigfoot is against all forms of slavery, including pets, so to say that Bigfoot kept her as a slave to use as a sex toy is so wrong. If Bigfoot feels attraction to a human female he doesn't kidnap her like a cave man. Instead he woos the target of his attraction with choice foodstuffs found in the forest, flowers, and sometimes handmade trinkets crafted especially for her so she can she Bigfoot's creative side. But to make up stories that Bigfoot took advantage of her in such a way is very cruel. I would also like to comment on this particular woman's appearance. Bigfoot is attracted to women who are at home in the forest, one that can survive in the harshest environment. This woman looks like she would not be able to take care of herself, much less Bigfoot's children, in the deep woods. Even those with the most vivid imagination cannot picture this woman rooting through rotten trees to find grubs (which Bigfoot considers a great delicacy) or to stand motionless in knee deep freezing water waiting for a fish to swim close enough for capture. I seriously doubt this woman could live a week on her own in the woods so Bigfoot would practice celibacy before becoming intimate with her.

This tabloid issue is almost the same as the previously mentioned example but I wanted to point out something. "Hide your Lingerie"? What the hell is that about? Are they saying Bigfoot is a cross dresser? I don't know how gullible the readers of this trashy periodical are but Bigfoot doesn't give a rat's ass about lingerie. If you look at any REAL pictures of Bigfoot in the extremely rare case where they were captured on film, he is NAKED! You see we have a natural thick coat of fur, it keeps us warm, sheds water, and we feel gives us some feeling of dignity. If we are attracted to any human woman at all, it would be one with a lot of body hair.

I don't know where to start. "Bigfoot is everywhere"? Obviously not, the first thing humans do is forcibly remove animals from their natural habitat and put them in cages on public display. You know, places where families take their kids as a form of entertainment, where these little brats can through things at animals without the creature being able to run away. But this magazine is so wrong, picturing the female Bigfoot as a street walking prostitute wearing a sexually suggestive outfit. Duh, Bigfoot does not wear clothing or shoes. Wouldn't that be something, Bigfoot hunters coming back with plaster casts of huge shoe prints?

This one is particularly annoying to me. It leads the reader to believe that Bigfoot is a sex crazed homosexual. Yes, this man spent some time in a Canadian Bigfoot's cave but as a guest not a sex slave. Bigfoot found the man alone and hurt where a tree he was chopping down fell on him. Bigfoot removed the tree that was pinning him and took the man home until he was well enough to travel and then took him to the nearest highway where he was able to flag down a passing car. The fact that this man blatantly lied about Bigfoot for obvious financial gain is a good example of why we do not trust humans. Bigfoot's compassion for all living things, and in particular this man that would have surely died had it not been for a kind Bigfoot's intervention, was repaid with hateful lies. The wife is purported statement "He's no longer the man I married!" is probably the only true claim in the entire article. Don't feel bad lady, we were fooled too. Bigfoot prides himself on his ability to judge the character of other creatures so it was very upsetting to learn how this man turned his back on the ones that saved his life. Oh one more thing, this idiot was a poor excuse for a lumberjack. He was cutting down a fine walnut tree for firewood. Not only was he murdering a perfectly good tree, it was still green and would not have burned anyway. All around were large branches that had fallen and died, perfect for firewood but this dumb ass had to go kill a perfectly good tree.

This is a good one. Just imagine a Bigfoot weighing 700 pounds fighting the average sized human. And this guy claims Bigfoot was "trying" to tear him apart, ha ha! If Bigfoot wanted to he could have ripped the man's arms off in an instant. We have been known to lift cars off the ground but we couldn't tear apart a little mountain climber? Give me a break. Now this man's sordid tale was in fact based on a true story. Bigfoot found the man lost during a blinding blizzard. Against the advice of his guide, this man's "me first" attitude led him to leave his group when he went ahead after the rest had stopped to set up camp. This "mountain climber" had fallen through the ice in a creek and was about to die of exposure. Bigfoot found him crying on the creek and brought him home. The only tearing apart that happened was when Bigfoot ripped offf his freezing clothes and gently covered him so he wouldn't freeze to death. I am surprised he didn't claim be was raped by Bigfoot!

Now I would like to show what Bigfoot is really like. A typical example:
Now here is a picture taken when I was in town visiting Lorraine two years ago. Note that these kids aren't terrified of me nor am I threatening them in any way. Why don't they put pictures like this in there tabloid magazines? Simple, sex and violence sell, not compassion and friendship. I was shunned by the local Bigfoot population for this picture because I broke one of our unwritten laws - Never intentionally allow a picture to be taken of our species. But I was so tired of the stigma hanging over Bigfoot's head where we are thought to be violent creatures who kill on impulse that I allowed this picture to be taken. Like all pictures, once it is put on the Internet there is no way to stop it from circulating.

After 1976, when Elvis came to live with Bigfoot, he taught us the ways of humans. It was very upsetting to learn how rotten people are. Bigfoot holds very high regards for Elvis and he often entertains us with his songs when we all get together during our summer rendezvous. Poor Elvis is getting old now but he has seven kids by his Bigfoot wife, Linda Marie, and 4 grandkids he loves dearly. I only wish all humans were like Elvis, he is a great human and a compassionate man.

Lester, darlin', I know these fabrications upset you, but you should see them for the compliments they are. Everyone either wants to be like Bigfoot, or wants to live with Bigfoot. In both cases, it's really just total love and admiration for you fellers. Unfortunately, most shallow humans cannot accept their own infatuation with the form and lifestyle of the Sasquatch, so they must make it tawdry with these absurd publications.

The few of us who are lucky enough to know you, have nothing but respect and affection.

Very interesting, Lester. You've given me some valuable insight. I think Lolly is right. You've reach celebrity status and now the fabrications are flying. Look at to the Loch Ness monster for inspiration. He...er...she...seems to take it all in stride. 

I was talking with a friend of mine from college today. She was saying that she had a campout/sleepover for her son who is about age 9. They built a campfire and when it got dark, instead of telling ghost stories, they told the legend of Bigfoot. She didn't go into detail (and I didn't ask) what exactly that story entailed, but it couldn't have been too bad because after the story, they gathered their flashlights and homemade cookies (apparently they think Bigfoot really likes those) and went in search of one. After reading your story above, I have mixed feelings on this practice. On one hand, I'm relieved that children have moved up from hunting snipes, but on the other hand, I'm concerned that she's teaching those children to be speciests. What do you think?

On a positive note, they did locate a Bigfoot, he enjoyed the cookies and a good time was had by all. ;D

Quote from: Sandy Eggo on October 20, 2010, 07:44:30 PM
... and homemade cookies (apparently they think Bigfoot really likes those) ...

Lester tells me this is true, but I have observed it depends a great deal upon whose home the cookies were made in. Mine were not up to standard. But my margaritas were!

Quote from: Sandy Eggo on October 20, 2010, 07:44:30 PM
I was talking with a friend of mine from college today. She was saying that she had a campout/sleepover for her son who is about age 9. They built a campfire and when it got dark, instead of telling ghost stories, they told the legend of Bigfoot. She didn't go into detail (and I didn't ask) what exactly that story entailed, but it couldn't have been too bad because after the story, they gathered their flashlights and homemade cookies (apparently they think Bigfoot really likes those) and went in search of one. After reading your story above, I have mixed feelings on this practice. On one hand, I'm relieved that children have moved up from hunting snipes, but on the other hand, I'm concerned that she's teaching those children to be speciests. What do you think?

On a positive note, they did locate a Bigfoot, he enjoyed the cookies and a good time was had by all. ;D

Bigfoot enjoys a good game of hide and seek with the youngsters, keeps us on our toes. We frown on the idiots with guns that hunt us, blasting at anything that moves in the forest. But the young man should be cautioned about approaching wild animals that appear cute, like the skunk or raccoon. Those that respect the forest and keep it free from their trash are welcome into Bigfoot's habitat. Please don't sit around and wail over a tree stump like those treehuggers do, although we do get a good laugh at them on occasions, their constant crying and blubbering keeps us up during our afternoon naps. Like very other carbon based life form, even the tree follows the cycle of life which finally ends with death.

Quote from: LOsborne on October 20, 2010, 07:53:51 PM
Lester tells me this is true, but I have observed it depends a great deal upon whose home the cookies were made in. Mine were not up to standard. But my margaritas were!

But Lester's personal all time favorite are those brownies with that secret green ingredient!

Well, I must admit that I might provide y'all with quite a bit of frustration and entertainment. While I don't sit in the woods and cry, I do get a bit ticked when I see a perfectly good grove of trees leveled for yet another 7-11 or strip mall or whatever they think of when there are entire plazas sitting empty and growing dusty. Even if those weren't good enough there are plenty of already empty lots which could be utilized for the same purpose. I suppose there could be good reasons why they're not using those, but I'm suspicious they don't always check. Mother nature does have a way of taking care of herself. The problem is that we destroy faster than she can replenish.

Sandy, here is a video of some of these cry babies.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roFB7bGCAgc)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roFB7bGCAgc

Quote from: Lester Sasquatch on October 20, 2010, 08:30:43 PM
Sandy, here is a video of some of these cry babies.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roFB7bGCAgc)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roFB7bGCAgc

Okay, I'm a poser. I'm not a tree-hugger at all.  :biggrin:

I felt close to being that sad once when I was hiking and I ended up on a piece of the trail that had been ravaged by a forest fire about 5 years prior. It was strange to see because the fire had cut a path across the trail and down into the valley about two feet wide (guesstimate) and everything on both sides was green. Anyway, I slowed down to take all this in and I admit to feeling a little sad (nowhere near hysterical) because many of these fires are caused by the carelessness of humans, but then I happened to notice a bright green sprig growing out of a charred trunk. Mother nature was recovering. :yes:

Quote from: Sandy Eggo on October 20, 2010, 08:13:47 PM
Well, I must admit that I might provide y'all with quite a bit of frustration and entertainment. While I don't sit in the woods and cry, I do get a bit ticked when I see a perfectly good grove of trees leveled for yet another 7-11 or strip mall or whatever they think of when there are entire plazas sitting empty and growing dusty. Even if those weren't good enough there are plenty of already empty lots which could be utilized for the same purpose. I suppose there could be good reasons why they're not using those, but I'm suspicious they don't always check. Mother nature does have a way of taking care of herself. The problem is that we destroy faster than she can replenish.

The small town of Washington once had large majestic trees along many of its streets. In a matter of just a few days the City cut them all down a few years ago. It seemed like a different strange town the first time I drove down one of those streets that once had those huge trees along side. I guess the mayor thought he was doing the city a favor, maybe they were dying, I don't know but it sure looks different now.

Hopefully it was for health or safety reasons, but I agree, a tree lined street is so pretty and welcoming.

My buddy down the road, Moonshine Miller, is an avid inventor and a genius. Moonshine came by asking me how to go about getting the department of defense to look at his new idea - A non lethal landmine that would only effect Islamic targets. First off I would like to present some facts about landmines to the readers.

*Landmines do not discriminate between friend, foe, or innocent civilians.
*The majority of landmine victims are innocent civilians.
*There are an estimated 110 million armed landmines spread around in 70 countries.
*There are 2000 reported injuries every month caused by landmines.

There are many more facts about landmines that I won't type out but believe me, they are all bad. So what makes Moonshine's landmines effective? Well, he designed his nonlethal landmine to spray the immediate target area with bacon bits instead of shrapnel. Imagine a Islamic insurgents surprise when he steps on one of Moonshine's bacon bombs, when it first explodes with the power of a large firecracker the insurgent will think to himself "Stupid Americans, they don't even know how to make a good bomb, something we are taught as soon as we can walk." But then he licks his lips and detects the wonderful salty taste of bacon and a chill runs down his spine. He realizes that the seventy virgins he was promised are no longer waiting for him in heaven after he is killed fighting infidels! In his mind he tries to fight the taste that he is forbidden, but finds it brings him pleasure like he has never experienced. He begins to have second thoughts about Islam - How could Allah create such a tasty thing and refuse his children such a wonderful pleasure? Soon the insurgents are observed dancing in the minefield, showering themselves with tasty bits of fried bacon, possible with additional flavoring such as hickory smoke which men find irresistible. A plane flies over showering the area with leaflets that say - "Jesus ate bacon! You can eat it too!" and the thought of converting to Christianity begins to look good to them. The American front lines will soon be filled with insurgents giving themselves up in order to get more of the addictive pork product we take for granted in this country. The captured insurgents are led to a Tent filled with scantily clad women, dancing girls that are clad in bacon!


Another scenario, American soldiers are surrounded by insurgents, air support is on the way but it will be too late by the time they get to the remote locations. As a last resort, the Marines use the their last ditch weapon, the bacon grenade! Just when the insurgents think they are invincible they hear a thud and look down at their feet. What they see will forever be burned into their minds, strips of savory fried bacon on the outside of a weapon that makes even the bravest Muslim cry in fear!


Another good one! Insurgents come across a weapons cache in the desert. It is night and very dark but they can make out the familiar shape of the AK-47, their weapon of choice. The leader picks up one of the assault rifles and puts it to his shoulder. It is only then that he smells something so good he cannot describe it to his fellow insurgents. Despite the dangers he turns on a flashlight and he recoils in horror when he discovers the weapon is entirely constructed from crispy bacon!


One of the favorite weapons in the American arsenal is the disposable rocket launcher. It would be a very simple task to replace the explosives in the rocket with bacon. Moonshine has provided me with a cut away picture of a bacon launcher.




I think Moonshine is on to something.

I think this moonshine guys is, just as you stated,  a GENIUS!!!!  I love it!!!  :yes:

I don't think the folks here know about my past relationship with the lovely Lorraine Newman who I met when she worked as a barmaid at Redbone's in Montgomery. Lorraine was a petite little gal whom I loved dearly and thought she loved me too. After a few months the relationship soured after I learned Lorraine was seeing Reno, a local tow truck driver. What Lorraine sees in Reno is beyond me, he reeks of BO and has a greasy beard. I showered this woman with gifts and gave her all my affection, never once did I even look at another woman with lust in my eyes while I was committed to her. I haven't seen her since she quit working at the bar and moved in with Reno but today I heard some terrible news.

It seems Reno's house is infested with bedbugs that are carrying a rare and horrible disease, rumpis bumpititus, or the dreaded butt mumps. My good friend T-Bird said he was surprised to see Lorraine and Reno in St. Louis at a baseball game last month. T-Bird says he wouldn't have recognized my sweet Lorraine had it not been for her sitting beside the unmistakable lout Reno, who stunk to high heaven as usual. My friend was able to take a picture of her on his cell phone and she was obviously exhibiting the signs of those butt mumps. I talked to the guy at the county health department and he tells me that after a bedbug carrying the butt mump virus bites their victim on the rear end, the body reacts to the toxins in the bite by the butt swelling up in size. I hope that the readers are as alarmed by this disfiguring disease as much as I am. Thank God butt mumps are not contagious! I once loved Lorraine but after her running off with Reno, I don't want her back, he can keep her now butt mumps and all.

Here is the picture of poor Lorraine at the ballpark.


If you or someone you know have the butt mumps, I suggest you go to a support group. At the present time, there is no known cure for this debilitating and life altering disease. Prevention is the best advice I can give a person, make sure not to let your home become infected with these blood sucking insects. Reno is a well known tightwad and I understand he purchased a used mattress at the local thrift store that was carrying a nest of those horrible bedbugs. Doc tells me that you have to be extremely careful bringing items from a thrift store like the Salvation Army into your home. Say someone donates a chair infested with those horrible miniature vampires, then late at night under the cover of darkness these evil critters crawl out and seek other places to nest. Even seemingly benign items like books and picture frames are not safe, these bedbugs will lay their eggs inside where they lay until someone purchases the item, takes it home where the eggs hatch and the insects find a place to nest. The victims of butt mumps are more prevalent than I first thought. Here is a picture taken at a night club in Evansville last night, the woman in the foreground is obviously suffering from a severe case of rumpis bumpatitus, aka the dreaded Butt Mumps!


I hope that these pictures will make the readers very cautious when they go spend the night at hotels that may be infested with bedbugs. It is no laughing matter that these poor people will have huge asses for the rest of their lives. Currently my buddy Moonshine is working around the clock seeking a cure for butt mumps but at this time he has had no luck at all. If you contract the butt mumps, Moonshine says your best bet is to buy clothing that will stretch so you can wear them while your ass continues to swell.

Quote from: Lester Sasquatch on October 21, 2010, 05:11:54 PM

I hope that these pictures will make the readers very cautious when they go spend the night at hotels that may be infested with bedbugs.

Oh my god, Lester! I have to spend the next two-and-a-half weeks (except for weekends) at the Hilton Cincinnati Airport, on company business. Do you have any info on whether or not this place has been red-flagged? Can you find out? And does anyone have a suggestion for alternate lodging if it turns out the Hilton is contaminated? I love my job, but not enough to risk butt mumps.

Quote from: LOsborne on October 21, 2010, 07:09:20 PM
Oh my god, Lester! I have to spend the next two-and-a-half weeks (except for weekends) at the Hilton Cincinnati Airport, on company business. Do you have any info on whether or not this place has been red-flagged? Can you find out? And does anyone have a suggestion for alternate lodging if it turns out the Hilton is contaminated? I love my job, but not enough to risk butt mumps.

I have some disturbing news for you doll, you couldn't have chosen a worse city for being infested with bed bugs. I kid you not and have included a link for you.

http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20100824/NEWS01/8250326/We-re-No-1-uh-in-bedbugs (http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20100824/NEWS01/8250326/We-re-No-1-uh-in-bedbugs)

Two new surveys rank Cincinnati at or near the top for bedbug complaints.

Orkin, based in Atlanta, ranks the Cincinnati region No. 1 for service calls, followed by Columbus, Chicago, Denver and Detroit.

And if that isn't bad enough. They've been reported at the Hilton. I do not know it may be a different hotel but all the same, it is very disturbing news.

http://www.wlwt.com/r/15241527/detail.html (http://www.wlwt.com/r/15241527/detail.html)

# Exterminators offered some tips to people worried about bedbugs in their hotel room:
# Leave your bags in the hallway until you check things out
# Check sheets and pillows for tiny brown spots -- often a sign of bedbugs
# Check the seams of the mattress, where the bugs like to congregate
Check between the mattress and the headboard

Pay careful attention to guests checking out. If their pants seem a bit tight you might want to sleep in your car. Or if you must, you can sleep in the bathtub in your room. Rumpis Bumpititus aka Butt Mumps are not life threatening but, from all accounts, is detrimental to the victims social life. It has not been proven but several people claim that these blood sucking insects are repelled by blood with an alcohol content of .10 or more. It is rumored that tequila works best but in a pinch Nyquil is a close contender.

Quote from: Lester Sasquatch on October 21, 2010, 07:23:37 PM
It has not been proven but several people claim that these blood sucking insects are repelled by blood with an alcohol content of .10 or more. It is rumored that tequila works best but in a pinch Nyquil is a close contender.

Okay, I'll start with that. You know I never travel without a bottle of Patron. But Lester..... I can't sleep in the bathtub for a whole week. I'll wind up crooked! Damn, damn, damn. I don't know how I can get out of this.  Wait -- do you know anyone who is suffering from a virulent intestinal bug who might be willing to share? Betcha I could convince the boss that projectile vomiting and constant diarrhea don't send the proper message of corporate trustworthiness, no matter how stylish my little black suit and business pumps are.

Quote from: LOsborne on October 21, 2010, 07:37:30 PM
Okay, I'll start with that. You know I never travel without a bottle of Patron. But Lester..... I can't sleep in the bathtub for a whole week. I'll wind up crooked! Damn, damn, damn. I don't know how I can get out of this.  Wait -- do you know anyone who is suffering from a virulent intestinal bug who might be willing to share? Betcha I could convince the boss that projectile vomiting and constant diarrhea don't send the proper message of corporate trustworthiness, no matter how stylish my little black suit and business pumps are.

Not offhand but I read about a guy in the E'ville paper that has genital herpes and was freely passing it on to others. Will that work? I doubt he made bail yet so I can tell you where to find him.

Quote from: LOsborne on October 21, 2010, 07:09:20 PM
Oh my god, Lester! I have to spend the next two-and-a-half weeks (except for weekends) at the Hilton Cincinnati Airport, on company business. Do you have any info on whether or not this place has been red-flagged? Can you find out? And does anyone have a suggestion for alternate lodging if it turns out the Hilton is contaminated? I love my job, but not enough to risk butt mumps.

I strongly recommend the Homewood Suites Chain, and there is one located just north of that location on the eastern side of 275.

Depending upon the commute you'll be making though it could be painful at certain times of day, especially if you are having to go West. But if you can take the eastern side south to your location each day it is a breeze in comparison. ( EXAMPLE: Homewood Suites to Walton KY, just south of "Florence Yall" = 30 minutes most of the day).

Clean, with lots of potential dining options very close to the hotel. And a movie Theatre too. I spent 2 weeks there in 2009 and it was nice. (1-800-CALL-HOME) Full hot breakfast every day included.

They're Hilton too so they'll honor the points. . . :smile:

Quote from: Lester Sasquatch on October 21, 2010, 07:46:22 PM
Not offhand but I read about a guy in the E'ville paper that has genital herpes and was freely passing it on to others. Will that work?

No.

Quote from: Palehorse on October 21, 2010, 07:49:49 PM
I strongly recommend the Homewood Suites Chain, and there is one located just north of that location on the eastern side of 275.

Depending upon the commute you'll be making though it could be painful at certain times of day, especially if you are having to go West. But if you can take the eastern side south to your location each day it is a breeze in comparison. (Homewood Suites to Walton KY, just south of "Florence Yall" = 30 mintues most of the day).

Clean, with lots of potential dining options very close to the hotel. And a movie Theatre too. I spent 2 weeks there in 2009 and it was nice. (1-800-CALL-HOME) Full hot breakfast every day included.

They're Hilton too so they'll honor the points. . . :smile:

I'm very fond of Homewood Suites, myself. But the boss has specified the Hilton. Crap. It is next door to the offices of the people with whom we are dealing. When I protested the lengthy stay, and asked if he was certain he could spare me from corporate headquarters, he said, "I can't spare you that long. But I don't want ONE WORD said in setting up this deal that you don't hear." I can't argue. He writes my check.

What I had in mind was a sybaritic little undercover getaway, very near the Hilton, so I can pretend that's where I'm staying ... and drop in twice a day for messages.

Quote from: LOsborne on October 21, 2010, 08:02:09 PM
I'm very fond of Homewood Suites, myself. But the boss has specified the Hilton. Crap. It is next door to the offices of the people with whom we are dealing. When I protested the lengthy stay, and asked if he was certain he could spare me from corporate headquarters, he said, "I can't spare you that long. But I don't want ONE WORD said in setting up this deal that you don't hear." I can't argue. He writes my check.

What I had in mind was a sybaritic little undercover getaway, very near the Hilton, so I can pretend that's where I'm staying ... and drop in twice a day for messages.

Well then, I guess he can pay your doctor bills, workmans comp claim, and exterminator bills too!  :wink: That'll make him wish he let you go to Homewood Suites!  :biggrin:

(Take 3 bottles of Patron with you. You won't want to pay the excise tax on booze for the Cincy Stadium if you run out!)

If you only knew an ELF shaper to take your place.

Quote from: Palehorse on October 21, 2010, 08:06:19 PM
Well then, I guess he can pay your doctor bills, workmans comp claim, and exterminator bills too!  :wink: That'll make him wish he let you go to Homewood Suites!  :biggrin:

I do believe I will forward this remark to him immediately. Perhaps he will see reason.

Quote(Take 3 bottles of Patron with you. You won't want to pay the excise tax on booze for the Cincy Stadium if you run out!)

Three? I was planning to take a case.

Quote from: Lester Sasquatch on October 21, 2010, 08:18:11 PM
If you only knew an ELF shaper to take your place.

Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Are you sure he isn't one?

Quote from: LOsborne on October 21, 2010, 08:23:04 PM
Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Are you sure he isn't one?

I am not 100% sure but if he is, he would be in their union, the United Brotherhood of ELF Invaders. You know how hard they are to work with, demanding all their perks and fringes. Last time I checked they were in a contract dispute and were threatening to strike. I guess they are pissed about those scabs from alpha centuri crossing their picket line last year. 

Yeah, but ya shoulda seen the creatures those scabs were picked offa.

BIIIIIIIG Suckers!!! (shew)

Quote from: Lester Sasquatch on October 21, 2010, 08:35:53 PM
Last time I checked they were in a contract dispute and were threatening to strike.

Strike during the current intergalactic economic recession? Really dumb. But then, they are reptilians. Hey, maybe we could get him real cheap!

Quote from: followsthewolf on October 21, 2010, 08:38:27 PM
Yeah, but ya shoulda seen the creatures those scabs were picked offa.

BIIIIIIIG Suckers!!! (shew)

HAH!!

Quote from: followsthewolf on October 21, 2010, 08:38:27 PM
Yeah, but ya shoulda seen the creatures those scabs were picked offa.

BIIIIIIIG Suckers!!! (shew)

I do not see how I missed reading this post earlier? Is there a way to squeeze them in later? Hmm, we best be careful or he will figure out who we are talking about. Nah, I don't think so.

  Lester, what did you say you did for a living?  A machinist, tool maker, machine repairman, machine builder.  You sound like a person who mechanically inclined.  A person who doesn't need a computer to do your job and had no need for one.

  Who has worked for the management types who if trying to tighten up a bolt, that you had to tell them that "Righty is tighty and lefty is loosey."  Who thought that you could fix a machine without any parts or tools to do the job.

  Lester you sound like a person who at work, has done so much with so little, that now you can fix anything with nothing.

  It is amazing how many of these management types think that you can't do anything without a computer and wants to rag someone who never had a use for them.   I found that the engineers used them as an excuse to say they didn't order the parts and tools we need.  "Well, I put in the computer and hell, I don't know what happen to the order."  It got so bad at work.  We would make 5 of 6 copies of a parts order we turned so we wouldn't have to make a new one.  On one machine rebuild the repairmen put the same parts order 5 times before they got what they need to do their job.  :knife: :rolleyes: :yes:

Quote from: The Troll on October 22, 2010, 09:48:22 AM
  Lester, what did you say you did for a living?  A machinist, tool maker, machine repairman, machine builder.  You sound like a person who mechanically inclined.  A person who doesn't need a computer to do your job and had no need for one.

  Who has worked for the management types who if trying to tighten up a bolt, that you had to tell them that "Righty is tighty and lefty is loosey."  Who thought that you could fix a machine without any parts or tools to do the job.

  Lester you sound like a person who at work, has done so much with so little, that now you can fix anything with nothing.

  It is amazing how many of these management types think that you can't do anything without a computer and wants to rag someone who never had a use for them.   I found that the engineers used them as an excuse to say they didn't order the parts and tools we need.  "Well, I put in the computer and hell, I don't know what happen to the order."  It got so bad at work.  We would make 5 of 6 copies of a parts order we turned so we wouldn't have to make a new one.  On one machine rebuild the repairmen put the same parts order 5 times before they got what they need to do their job.  :knife: :rolleyes: :yes:

The only thing wrong with computers are the idiots who don't take the time to learn how to use them properly. A computer is nothing more than another tool to help do your job.

GIGO!

Quote from: The Troll on October 22, 2010, 09:48:22 AM
  Lester, what did you say you did for a living?  A machinist, tool maker, machine repairman, machine builder.  You sound like a person who mechanically inclined.  A person who doesn't need a computer to do your job and had no need for one.

  Who has worked for the management types who if trying to tighten up a bolt, that you had to tell them that "Righty is tighty and lefty is loosey."  Who thought that you could fix a machine without any parts or tools to do the job.

  Lester you sound like a person who at work, has done so much with so little, that now you can fix anything with nothing.

  It is amazing how many of these management types think that you can't do anything without a computer and wants to rag someone who never had a use for them.   I found that the engineers used them as an excuse to say they didn't order the parts and tools we need.  "Well, I put in the computer and hell, I don't know what happen to the order."  It got so bad at work.  We would make 5 of 6 copies of a parts order we turned so we wouldn't have to make a new one.  On one machine rebuild the repairmen put the same parts order 5 times before they got what they need to do their job.  :knife: :rolleyes: :yes:

Troll, I worked in the machine field for many years rebuilding hydraulic components like pumps and cylinders. But I have never been able to fix anything with nothing. Well I guess maybe a software glitch on my computer might technically fall under that category.

Moonshine Miller has done it again! Despite having only a 6th grade education, Moonshine has been recognized as being one of the world's most innovative weapons designers. You see, Moonshine had the unique ability to think outside of the box and is not hampered by education, physics and such. Recently the UN presented Moonshine with a prestigious award for his nonlethal Bacon Bomb that replaces the metal shrapnel in the device with bacon bits. But Moonshine didn't stop there, he went to his little shop out in his garage and developed the next generation weapon he has dubbed the "biological flame thrower."

In the past, it was extremely dangerous for a soldier to operate the conventional flame thrower due to the tanks holding the flammable liquid and compressed gas used to propel it. Carrying a the old style flame thrower in combat was just like strapping a bomb on the poor soldiers back. Needless to say, a man equipped with one of these weapons had a very short life expectancy. Moonshine pulled out a jug of his "thinking fluid" that he makes himself and sat down to drink a bit of his famous elixir and clear his mind. Before the sun started peeking out above the ridge the next morning Moonshine had come up with a novel new flame thrower that does not use those dangerous tanks. The concept is very simple as all of Moonshines inventions are and uses the human body's natural processes to generate a flammable gas, in this particular instance we are talking about methane, that is stored under pressure in the intestines. The soldier using the biological flame thrower goes under an intense training regime where he learns to control his sphincter, a muscle used as the nozzle on the weapon, using several exercises developed just for this purpose.

The biological flamethrower is effective, and best of all can be carried along with the soldier's normally assigned weapon systems without any added weight load. During the day preceding the planned combat maneuvers, the soldier is fed a meal consisting mainly of vegetables from the legume family with baked beans being the food of choice. This gives the man's body time to breakdown the beans and build up a supply of methane which is compressed and held in the intestines. A small ignition device, made from a disposable lighter, is strapped to the soldier's crotch. When an enemy target is identified and it is determined can be eliminated under the current rules of engagement, the soldier turns his backside towards the enemy. When the enemy observes this move he thinks the soldier is retreating and is lulled into a false sense of security to where he will typically expose himself to the coming blast. The soldier carrying the biological flamethrower leans forward to offset the force of the impending last which is not unlike that of a large rocket engine. He then activates the flame thrower, opening his spinchter channeling the compressed methane directly at the enemy and, at the same time, activates the ignition device with his inner thighs.

The Department of Defense recently tested Moonshine's new weapon where it operated flawlessly in the field. I was able to procure a picture of Moonshine demonstrating his biological flamethrower.

Another benefit of Moonshine's new flame thrower is the cost. The conventional unit currently being use by the US Military costs $9,800 each. Moonshine's device, including the ignition device, costs under $3 for a few cans of baked beans. I don't know about the other folks here but I think that Moonshine Miller's name will go down in history as one of America's brightest. Here is another picture of a soldier in the elite Special Forces bleeding off excess methane after returning from a mission.

There's a marketing opportunity for your Thunderpants right there man!  :yes: :biggrin:

Moonshine Miller is hiding the facts of his education. Back in 1970, he was president of the Blue Flame Society at East Tennessee State University. I met him when my band was playing a concert there and he demonstrated his prowess at the post-concert party. I knew then he had a future and I always wondered whatever happened to him.

Thanks for the update.

Quote from: Lester Sasquatch on October 22, 2010, 01:04:28 PM
Moonshine Miller has done it again! Despite having only a 6th grade education, Moonshine has been recognized as being one of the world's most innovative weapons designers. You see, Moonshine had the unique ability to think outside of the box and is not hampered by education, physics and such. Recently the UN presented Moonshine with a prestigious award for his nonlethal Bacon Bomb that replaces the metal shrapnel in the device with bacon bits. But Moonshine didn't stop there, he went to his little shop out in his garage and developed the next generation weapon he has dubbed the "biological flame thrower."

In the past, it was extremely dangerous for a soldier to operate the conventional flame thrower due to the tanks holding the flammable liquid and compressed gas used to propel it. Carrying a the old style flame thrower in combat was just like strapping a bomb on the poor soldiers back. Needless to say, a man equipped with one of these weapons had a very short life expectancy. Moonshine pulled out a jug of his "thinking fluid" that he makes himself and sat down to drink a bit of his famous elixir and clear his mind. Before the sun started peeking out above the ridge the next morning Moonshine had come up with a novel new flame thrower that does not use those dangerous tanks. The concept is very simple as all of Moonshines inventions are and uses the human body's natural processes to generate a flammable gas, in this particular instance we are talking about methane, that is stored under pressure in the intestines. The soldier using the biological flame thrower goes under an intense training regime where he learns to control his sphincter, a muscle used as the nozzle on the weapon, using several exercises developed just for this purpose.

The biological flamethrower is effective, and best of all can be carried along with the soldier's normally assigned weapon systems without any added weight load. During the day preceding the planned combat maneuvers, the soldier is fed a meal consisting mainly of vegetables from the legume family with baked beans being the food of choice. This gives the man's body time to breakdown the beans and build up a supply of methane which is compressed and held in the intestines. A small ignition device, made from a disposable lighter, is strapped to the soldier's crotch. When an enemy target is identified and it is determined can be eliminated under the current rules of engagement, the soldier turns his backside towards the enemy. When the enemy observes this move he thinks the soldier is retreating and is lulled into a false sense of security to where he will typically expose himself to the coming blast. The soldier carrying the biological flamethrower leans forward to offset the force of the impending last which is not unlike that of a large rocket engine. He then activates the flame thrower, opening his spinchter channeling the compressed methane directly at the enemy and, at the same time, activates the ignition device with his inner thighs.

The Department of Defense recently tested Moonshine's new weapon where it operated flawlessly in the field. I was able to procure a picture of Moonshine demonstrating his biological flamethrower.

(http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:Nr3lyu4rqSGVfM:http://www.timw.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/02/fart-fire.jpg&t=1)

Moonshine Miller and his Biological Flame Thrower

Another benefit of Moonshine's new flame thrower is the cost. The conventional unit currently being use by the US Military costs $9,800 each. Moonshine's device, including the ignition device, costs under $3 for a few cans of baked beans. I don't know about the other folks here but I think that Moonshine Miller's name will go down in history as one of America's brightest. Here is another picture of a soldier in the elite Special Forces bleeding off excess methane after returning from a mission.

(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSgVbfhdco8JVhJ9CWHLWkKFjJN63EmtbLS7uxQLbjwmH6hX5U&t=1&usg=___AE80p67utd2p-oJ-2gEuTdOUa8=)

Soldier bleeding off pressurized methane after mission

  That is hysterical funny bullshit, Lester!  :rotfl:  :rotfl:  :rotfl:  :rotfl:

Quote from: Olias on October 22, 2010, 10:09:27 AM
The only thing wrong with computers are the idiots who don't take the time to learn how to use them properly. A computer is nothing more than another tool to help do your job.

GIGO!

  Please explain, in my field of work, what did I need a computer for, let alone buy one at that time.  I got my first computer a little under two years ago.  Now I use it to talk to idiots have said I should have had one years ago, when I really didn't need on.  So go figure.  :flap:  :flap:  :flap:

If you know his whereabouts, I'd like to contact him.

He'd be the perfect test subject for the legumes I am cultivating.

Would like to see if the %age of methane produced by volume could achieve liftoff for the average subject.

Quote from: The Troll on October 22, 2010, 03:22:41 PM
  Please explain, in my field of work, what did I need a computer for, let alone buy one at that time.  I got my first computer a little under two years ago.  Now I use it to talk to idiots have said I should have had one years ago, when I really didn't need on.  So go figure.  :flap:  :flap:  :flap:

I think all they had at that time was stone tablets. Even stone tablets required some training. First and foremost, you had to know how to read and write.

Honestly, I firmly believe you get be required to get a license to operate a computer.

Quote from: Olias on October 22, 2010, 01:53:05 PM
Moonshine Miller is hiding the facts of his education. Back in 1970, he was president of the Blue Flame Society at East Tennessee State University. I met him when my band was playing a concert there and he demonstrated his prowess at the post-concert party. I knew then he had a future and I always wondered whatever happened to him.

Thanks for the update.

I think you are talking of another Moonshine Miller possibly. The Moonshine Miller of Lost River township, Martin County, Indiana had never left the State. He took a vacation and drove over to Vincennes once, 40 miles away. That's the furthest Moonshine's ever been away from home. Why the big guys at the Department of Defense couldn't talk Moonshine into demonstrating his new weapons in Virginia. Finally they agreed to try them out at Crane, on their test firing range. Moonshine is pretty famous, he is the inventor of the Moonloon, a device designed for extremely low altitude deployment from fast moving aircraft. Moonshine's test dummy, Duck Wagler, lives in Shoals and makes pretty good money. Seems like Moonshine didn't get a whole lot of applicants last time he posted he needed a test dummy. The position has virtually no requirements other than you can stand and move your arms. Duck is a semi-retired alcoholic, a master of his trade with many awards that he proudly displays. Duck holds the record for total number times being picked up for public intoxication in Martin County and the most in a single day (7 times).


You see, there is a problem with parachutes. The airplane has to have a high enough altitude so the parachute has time to open up. The helicopter is great but it sucks fuel like there is no tomorrow and has a limited range. This is why the Moonloon was so well received by the US military. The Moonloon is a simple device and is really much like a large condom only very thick. The soldier backs his gear inside the Moonloon an steps in the middle. Then the two handlers each grab a side of the top of the Moonloon, lifting it to the neck level of the soldier planning to deploy. The top of the Moonloon is sealed against the wearer's neck and using a shraeder valve integrated in the design, is infalted to between 15 and 30 psi depending on the terrain and drop height. The deployment aircraft, usually a C-130, comes in at extremely low altitude to the insertion point, as they draw near the rear cargo door is opened, seconds before the aircraft is over the target the pilot turns on the green light signaling it is a "GO" and the handlers start pushing the Moonloons out the door. Here is a rare animation of Duck Wagler at a remote secret location in Arizona testing the Moonloon.



With the proper training, the deployed soldier can maintain the Moonloon's elastic energy that Moonshine calls "bounce" and travel extended distances guiding by the wearer. Islamic insurgents call Moonloon deployments the "Bouncing Hounds from the Bowels of Hades" and when they hear the roar of the airplane at low altitude, then hear that frightening "plop.......plop.......plop", many times they hide their weapons and pretend to be peaceful farmers. They are extremely frightened by Moonloons, some even claiming that Moonloons are delivering Djinns, or evil spirits.

Quote from: Lester Sasquatch on October 22, 2010, 03:38:43 PM
I think you are talking of another Moonshine Miller possibly. The Moonshine Miller of Lost River township, Martin County, Indiana had never left the State.

Well, given the amount of green stuff I inhaled back in those days, it's quite possible that I may be confused about the location, but I definitely remember one "Moonshine Miller" putting on a fireworks show like I had never seen before (or since.) I'm telling you, that demonstration of flaming flatulence made such an impression that, to this day, I have to sneak up on a bong to light it.

Quote from: followsthewolf on October 22, 2010, 03:23:56 PM
If you know his whereabouts, I'd like to contact him.

He'd be the perfect test subject for the legumes I am cultivating.

Would like to see if the %age of methane produced by volume could achieve liftoff for the average subject.

Moonshine says the biggest concern is the control of the sphincter muscle. That is why he came up with exercises just for this muscle group, I don't know how true this is but Moonshine swears that women have better sphincter control than men. That is unless highly trained like Moonshine is. There are a lot of factors including the quality of the generated methane from the legume, the maximum internal pressure of the gas, the size the orifice of the sphincter muscle and the speed at which it can open.

I forget to mention the ignition system. If the gas is ignited immediately upon release, you get a fast hot flame but if you allow a few cubit feet of methane out before ignition, you get more of an explosion. If don't really want to do a lot of damage you would ignite upon release. If you want to tear up some stuff, use ignition delay.

Quote from: The Troll on October 22, 2010, 03:00:55 PM
  That is hysterical funny bullshit, Lester!  :rotfl:  :rotfl:  :rotfl:  :rotfl:

thanks bob

Attention Martin County Residents!

I have spent the last hour taking depositions and completed an accurate depiction from the descriptions given by two witnesses that saw a Chupacabra attack last night near the White River. Among my special skills is that I am a well respected professional sketch artist and have helped many sheriff departments with drawings of suspects in Indiana and Illinois. The Chupacabra killed several goats owned by Marvin White who raises them for their meat. From the accounts provided by the witnesses, that will remain anonymous for now, the Chupacabra was caught in the headlights of their car when they were looking for a place to park and watch the stars. The creature stands on its hind legs, is 4 foot tall, scales or skin (no Fur), and has large canine teeth. If you see a creature matching this description, DO NOT APPROACH! Call 911 and report the location. This has been a public service announcement from the Paranoid People of Martin County, a not for profit organization whose purpose is the warn and protect the local community from domestic, foreign, and intergalactic threats.

Quote from: Lester Sasquatch on October 22, 2010, 01:04:28 PM
Moonshine Miller has done it again!

Lester, I'm smelling patent infringement. I'm certain SAC developed the early stages of this technology. He used it primarily for a party trick, and abandoned research after that bonfire where he burned his wienie.

Quote from: LOsborne on October 22, 2010, 07:00:50 PM
Lester, I'm smelling patent infringement. I'm certain SAC developed the early stages of this technology. He used it primarily for a party trick, and abandoned research after that bonfire where he burned his wienie.

]

Nah, that was a simple backfire. The SOB is suing me claiming the fire was due to a pair of defective Thunderpants. I am sure it was one of those cheap Chinese knockoffs he had on. Every pair of Thunderpants has a unique 8 digit serial number, SAC's had a 6 digit in Chinese characters. At Thunderpants Corporation we guarantee every pair that go out our doors are comfartable and fit the wearer like a glove assuring a good high pressure seal. No, SAC just likes to sue folks. Moonshine has a patent of the spincter nozzle system, without it all you have is someone passing gas.

Quote from: Palehorse on October 21, 2010, 08:06:19 PM
Well then, I guess he can pay your doctor bills, workmans comp claim, and exterminator bills too!  :wink: That'll make him wish he let you go to Homewood Suites!  :biggrin:

(Take 3 bottles of Patron with you. You won't want to pay the excise tax on booze for the Cincy Stadium if you run out!)

PH, remember I said I would forward your remarks to Richard? I did. Today he told me I could move to Homewood Suites if I could document a bedbug infestation at the Hilton. Then he reiterated all the steps Lester had given me. Last he handed me a digital camera, and a company laptop.

I have to email him proof, but if I find it, I'm Homewood bound!


Edit: I then spent about forty minutes configuring the laptop, and dropped in on y'all while I was at it. You guys have more fun during the day than I do!

Quote from: LOsborne on October 22, 2010, 08:06:35 PM
PH, remember I said I would forward your remarks to Richard? I did. Today he told me I could move to Homewood Suites if I could document a bedbug infestation at the Hilton. Then he reiterated all the steps Lester had given me. Last he handed me a digital camera, and a company laptop.

I have to email him proof, but if I find it, I'm Homewood bound!


Edit: I then spent about forty minutes configuring the laptop, and dropped in on y'all while I was at it. You guys have more fun during the day than I do!

Find some on the internet and download the pics on the camera card. . . then e-mail them to him. DONE!  :icon_twisted:

Another witness has come forward with more disturbing news concerning the recent Chupcabra outbreak. Linda Hooten, who works at a local bar and grill was on her way home during the early morning hours of October 23, 2010 when she saw a movement on the gravel road in the front of her vehicle. As she got closer, a large chupacabra ran right out in front of the headlights on her 1978 Chevy Blazer. Linda rolled up her windows and locked the doors on her vehicle and drove the remaining two miles to her modest ranch style home. The motion activated floodlight mounted on the eave of her garage went on and Linda got out and ran to her door. While she was digging in her purse of the keys to the front door, she heard her dog Barney barking at something behind the house. Before she could gain entrance, she noticed movement in the shadows behind the mulberry tree located on the East side of her house. Linda was able to get her hand held flashlight from her purse and shined it towards the disturbance and saw the chupacabra running on its hind legs directly at her. Linda is shown here demonstrating the chupacabra's exact movements she observed as she opened her front door and fell inside.


Early the next morning, after a sleepless night, Linda Hooten armed herself with her favorite home defense weapon, the Mossberg pump action 12 gauge shotgun with a pistol grip better known as the "cruiser" model, and went outside. Linda immediately realized something was amiss when Barney failed to bark in anticipation of his morning meal. Linda, with her trusty Mossberg locked and loaded, walked around the side of her garage where Barney's kennel is located. See was greeted by a sight that can best be described as extremely horrible. Linda broke down into tears when she saw a huge hole ripped in the side of the chain link kennel and poor Barney's lifeless body laying outside his doghouse. Further investigation revealed that poor Barney's neck has two large puncture wounds and his body was devoid of blood. Linda went back inside and immediately called the PPMC hot line. I answered the call and called out the PPMC rapid response team, a unit of highly trained paramilitary professionals who were on the scene in a matter of minutes. The team was able to ascertain that Barney was attacked by a chupacabra by the footprints left at the scene. A necropsy was performed on Barney by our residential medical officer, Freddy Coonrod, who also took tissue samples from the ripped up chain link fencing where the attacker had injured itself for DNA analysis.

Folks, the chupacabra is no laughing matter. They are dangerous, sneaky, and vicious! If you see a chupacabra, do not approach it. Call the PPMC emergency hot line at 1-800-IM-SCARED and report it to us. Our rapid response team is trained to handle any emergency. I was able to procure a detailed picture of the typical chupacabra for identification purposes. I suggest the readers print out this picture and carry it in their purse or wallet for reference.

I frequently have nightmares about a blind date at Purdue -- she is a dead ringer for Linda.

Quote from: followsthewolf on October 23, 2010, 08:48:29 PM
I frequently have nightmares about a blind date at Purdue -- she is a dead ringer for Linda.

On the information sheet she filled out Linda writes she is a graduate of Purdue! Maybe fate has brought you together again.

Quote from: Lester Sasquatch on October 23, 2010, 09:01:12 PM
On the information sheet she filled out Linda writes she is a graduate of Purdue! Maybe fate has brought you together again.

  I hear things are bad for Purdue Graduates, especially this year.  I hear that the dean of Purdue is going to tell the engineering graduates that there are no longer jobs for engineers in the USA.  China is #1.

  But the good news is that the new engineers can place their diplomas on the dash of their cars and park in the handicapped spaces and also fire lanes.  :rolleyes:

I have some rather disturbing news. Today I learned that my brother, who lives in a remote area of Perry County, was savagely attacked in his cave this morning by a chupacabra. Melvin Sasquatch is in serious condition from injuries suffered in that attack. This particular chupacabra was one of the most dangerous because it carries those flesh eating bacterias in its saliva. My close friend and renowned cryptozoologist, Loren Coleman, tells me he believes the reason these flesh eating bacterias thrive in the mouths of the chupacabra is because of their notoriously poor hygiene habit of never brushing their teeth. Poor Melvin is in intensive care at the local Bigfoot Medical Clinic where he is being kept under constant watch. We are not sure but think that Melvin was able to take a single picture of the Chupacabra just as it attacked from its hidden perch above a corridor in Melvin's cave.


What is obvious by this photo is the fact that the Chupacabra pictured lacks a tail. Loren Coleman informed me via telephone that this is not uncommon. The chupacabra can shed its tail when attacked and will later regrow another replacement tail. I speculate that sometime earlier Melvin caught this same creature and, in fear for its life possibly because my brother had hold of its tail, the chupacabra  shed its tail then to get revenge, viciously ambushed Melvin when he was alone in his cave. I am taking up a collection to help pay poor Melvin's medical costs which will be substantial since he has no health insurance. He applied and was turned down for the state health program, HIP, simply because they determined he was not human. Melvin is divorced with two children that he loves dearly. I do not know what will happen if we lose Melvin, he is the sole provider for little Ernie and Mindy Sasquatch.

Lester, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother's condition. It's horrible and shocking to think that things like that can happen in that neighborhood.

I do have an off topic question though...Sasquatch can get married, but not have health insurance? I understand the not quite human part, but I'm surprised that Sasquatch marriages weren't regulated in much the same way the government is imposing control over same sex marriages based on the "not quite human factor". 

Lester, I too am sorry to hear the terrible news. About that health insurance problem ... there may be hope. There is a Government program that few people have heard about for which your case would be perfect. Maybe you could appeal your case to Kinky Friedman.

Thursday, 29 October 2009
Barack Obama Appoints Kinky Friedman As Chupacabra Czar


President Barack Obama added another Czar to his cabinet with the appointment of Kinky Friedman as his Chupacabra Czar. Friedman is a singer, writer, and comedian who has also run unsuccessfully on an independent ticket to be the Governor of Texas. His most famous song may be "I'm Proud to Be An Asshole From El Paso," a take off on "Okie From Muskogee."

According to the White House Press Office, the position of Chupacabra Czar will be to keep the President and the Cabinet fully informed of all chupacabra affairs and sitings, both foreign and domestic.

Quote from: Sandy Eggo on October 28, 2010, 09:12:06 AM
Lester, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother's condition. It's horrible and shocking to think that things like that can happen in that neighborhood.

I do have an off topic question though...Sasquatch can get married, but not have health insurance? I understand the not quite human part, but I'm surprised that Sasquatch marriages weren't regulated in much the same way the government is imposing control over same sex marriages based on the "not quite human factor".

I think that there are more restrictions on health care insurance than marriage. It certainly isn't fair is it?

Quote from: Olias on October 28, 2010, 09:28:28 AM
Lester, I too am sorry to hear the terrible news. About that health insurance problem ... there may be hope. There is a Government program that few people have heard about for which your case would be perfect. Maybe you could appeal your case to Kinky Friedman.

Thursday, 29 October 2009
Barack Obama Appoints Kinky Friedman As Chupacabra Czar


President Barack Obama added another Czar to his cabinet with the appointment of Kinky Friedman as his Chupacabra Czar. Friedman is a singer, writer, and comedian who has also run unsuccessfully on an independent ticket to be the Governor of Texas. His most famous song may be "I'm Proud to Be An Asshole From El Paso," a take off on "Okie From Muskogee."

According to the White House Press Office, the position of Chupacabra Czar will be to keep the President and the Cabinet fully informed of all chupacabra affairs and sitings, both foreign and domestic.

Thank you for the info! I have just sent an email to Mr. Kinky asking for relief in Melvin's case. Brother Melvin is a dyed in the wool democrat and chairman for the Bigfoot Democrat Party in Perry County.

"I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us."
Kinky Friedman

Kinky was a good choice :biggrin:

Is it just me or does any of the readers here find women bodybuilders unattractive? Why would any woman go to all the work lifting weights, taking dangerous hormones and steroids, and spraying chemicals on their bodies to obtain an appearance of a monster? I guess there are some men that want their woman to be able to loosen a stubborn jar lid but the lengths that some of these women go to is simply ridiculous. I find that not only are some of these women ugly, but some are even downright scary.



Now don't get me wrong, I think we should all take care of ourselves to a certain degree. Simply for our own health not necessarily to be attractive to the opposite sex. When I was in college a while back, I noticed that some cultures have different opinions of what physical characteristics they find attractive in women. Most notable were the foreign students that were attracted to women of large stature. It was odd to see these frail looking thin males trying to wrap their arms around an American girls that were much bigger than themselves. Then there are those girls that look like skeletons, eating like a bird, thinking that they have to be skinny for a man to ind them attractive. What I am saying is that there are extremes on both ends of the scale.

But I cannot say that I am not attracted to all women, I like the hairy ones. It is simply the way I was brought up. Most of us Bigfoots finds the sight of bare flesh to be unbearable. Take my wife, Shirley, for example. She has a problem when I tell her how beautiful she is, she is very self conscious and has never thinks I am being honest. Shirley does not take compliments about her good looks well. She allowed me to take a picture and I want to share it with the readers to get a unbiased opinion. Isn't she beautiful?


They say men differ in which part of a woman's body they find most attractive. Some like the butt, some like the breasts, and a few like the facial features. I guess I like long silky hair, and lots of it.

Quote from: Lester Sasquatch on October 28, 2010, 03:08:00 PM

But I cannot say that I am not attracted to all women, I like the hairy ones. It is simply the way I was brought up. Most of us Bigfoots finds the sight of bare flesh to be unbearable. Take my wife, Shirley, for example. She has a problem when I tell her how beautiful she is, she is very self conscious and has never thinks I am being honest. Shirley does not take compliments about her good looks well. She allowed me to take a picture and I want to share it with the readers to get a unbiased opinion. Isn't she beautiful?

(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTdRjLQydTGFjJL8-vg1b2bMEwl5bEYqJwz0OAqEYKbHzAnnB0&t=1&usg=___csJ4DzaB0JpKnDxbAah-TPAfYY=)

Shirley Sasquatch

They say men differ in which part of a woman's body they find most attractive. Some like the butt, some like the breasts, and a few like the facial features. I guess I like long silky hair, and lots of it.

She really is quite attractive. Now myself being mostly native American, I am definitely challenged on the hirsute  characteristics. Some would say more evolved, but I know you would challenge that assumption.

Quote from: Lester Sasquatch on October 28, 2010, 03:08:00 PM
Take my wife, Shirley, for example. She has a problem when I tell her how beautiful she is, she is very self conscious and has never thinks I am being honest. Shirley does not take compliments about her good looks well. She allowed me to take a picture and I want to share it with the readers to get a unbiased opinion. Isn't she beautiful?

(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTdRjLQydTGFjJL8-vg1b2bMEwl5bEYqJwz0OAqEYKbHzAnnB0&t=1&usg=___csJ4DzaB0JpKnDxbAah-TPAfYY=)

Shirley Sasquatch

I know Shirley, and she is a knock-out. She is also the only reason I believe there are angels among us.

Quote from: Olias on October 28, 2010, 09:28:28 AM

Barack Obama Appoints Kinky Friedman As Chupacabra Czar

OMG! Is he still alive?

Kinky Friedman on Barack Obama:

"I don't think he's got the chops. This gulf crisis has convinced me he's not Winston Churchill, if anyone ever thought he was. Great campaigns do not necessarily lead to strong leaders. Leave it to America to elect as president a black man without any soul.

"The problem, Caleb, is that he's the 'Yes We Can' candidate. I agree that everyone in Washington is no better than Obama. But I'm saying that a great leader would be able to do something, he just doesn't have the chops. FDR was an aristocrat, but if he'd gone to talk to the family of dead miners he would have an impact. So would Reagan, or Clinton or JFK. A lot of it is perception. He doesn't want to be president for all the people, I really believe that.

"I voted for him but I would never do it again. He's a Harvard lecturer. No one should run for president who's from Harvard, Yale or the state of Texas. He's not inspiring me. He inspired millions and lots of them are disappointed for good reason. The climate in Washington is so toxic that it'd be difficult for anybody to get anything done that means anything. They're hall monitors. They've been in politics all their lives. You don't see a George Washington or Thomas Jefferson. You see young republicans and young democrats; they go right into it like a moth to a flame and Obama is one of them. And so are all the other guys by the way."