Vents: Random Acts of Venting!

[Palehorse]

As a battered wife.....until you live the experience....you can't possibly understand how hard it really is to get away from it.  A whole world to escape to?  There are quite a few graves filled with women who attempted to escape, with no intention of ever returning. 

The last beating I received was 4 days before I loaded up my car and drove away.  The only bright side to it, I had filed the divorce papers the day after the beating, and he knew not to follow me to where my car was headed unless he was ready for a serious ass kicking.

I've volunteered time, funding, and even my home at times, to the victims of this scourge upon our society. The emotions, the heartbreak, and the physical pain are enough to disgust all but the most hardened of humankind.

The sad part is there is help out here for those who find themselves  within an abusive relationship, but until the laws punish its perpetrators severely enough, and remove their freedom from them, there will be those who will utilize the windows of opportunity to bring about the final act to this tragedy, and cause the death of the object of their obsession. Most abused individuals do not know where to turn, and often turn to the wrong people or entities when making the first step to move away from the situation.

Those who devote their professional careers to becoming the physical barrier between the abusers and their quarry are often frustrated by the fact that a large percentage of their clients return to the situation time and time again, and some eventually are sent to their graves.

But the one success they manage to obtain between these failures, far outweighs the depression and abject failures endured in the interim. For even one life saved is priceless.

I have some very close friends who work within this field, and thanks to them I have been able to receive professional training to be able to recognize these types of situations, and provide some assistance to individuals because of it. The one case where after a sufficient amount of time has passed, you run into a person you were able to assist purely by chance, and see them happy, well, and living their lives free of the threats and terror, is enough to make your spirit soar. . . It doesn't matter whether they see you or recognize you or not. To see them that way is indescribably rewarding beyond any material compensation.  And that alone is what keeps these people going. But for that most of them would probably end up heavily medicated just to get out of bed in the mornings.

[followsthewolf]

Took quite a few victims out of those abusive homes. Gave them my number and told them to call if they needed help in the future (almost inevitably they would return to those homes).

At the time I was a police officer, so the offer of help was not simply lip service.

Very rarely did any of those people call.

[me]

I'm just thankful I got out of my situation before I became the "classical abused spouse".  It only took me a little over a year to realize things weren't going to change.  His second wife who was even more of a mouse than me and very sweet, I really liked her, only stayed 2yrs and his 3rd wife whipped back and he gave it up....(guess he figured he didn't like being being on the receiving end)hehehe  They were married for about 25yrs before he passed away about 3yrs ago.

[Palehorse]

Took quite a few victims out of those abusive homes. Gave them my number and told them to call if they needed help in the future (almost inevitably they would return to those homes).

At the time I was a police officer, so the offer of help was not simply lip service.

Very rarely did any of those people call.

It takes a special type to be able to deal with that day in and out. I am fortunate I didn't obtain the opportunity to help early in life, or it would have ruined me almost for sure. I couldn't have handled the slaughter and beatings of innocent children and the defenseless very well. I would have raged for sure.

I still rage over it, but am mature enough to know how to deal with it and channel it toward productive means. At least when it comes to this topic anyway. 

I do NOT envy LEO's nor the victim advocates who are responsible for rescuing and maintaining the safety of those who are fortunate enough to get out of those situations. I admire each and every one of them and I don't care what they are being paid, it isn't enough in my book.

I've been much better at treating the physical ailments rather than the social ones in cases such as these. . .

[Palehorse]

I'm just thankful I got out of my situation before I became the "classical abused spouse".  It only took me a little over a year to realize things weren't going to change.  His second wife who was even more of a mouse than me and very sweet, I really liked her, only stayed 2yrs and his 3rd wife whipped back and he gave it up....(guess he figured he didn't like being being on the receiving end)hehehe  They were married for about 25yrs before he passed away about 3yrs ago.

It sounds like bully syndrome. The most common.

I knew a 3rd degree blackbelt who was on the receiving end until she finally had enough and damned near killed him. He wanted to patch it up after he got out of the hospital, but by then she had seen the light, which drove her to protect herself during that last beating.

It ended his woman beating days as far as I know. He had been happily married for a decade, with no incidents, last I heard 12 years ago. . .

[me]

It sounds like bully syndrome. The most common.

I knew a 3rd degree blackbelt who was on the receiving end until she finally had enough and damned near killed him. He wanted to patch it up after he got out of the hospital, but by then she had seen the light, which drove her to protect herself during that last beating.

It ended his woman beating days as far as I know. He had been happily married for a decade, with no incidents, last I heard 12 years ago. . .

Ya, his 3rd wife had one up on Marcy and me, she was raised with brothers and was more adept at the fighting thing from experience evidently. 

[followsthewolf]

Congrats to "me" and Pariann for getting out.

Occasionally, I aided women as they moved out of the home and accompanied them to a temporary safe house.
Once in a while a husband would try to interfere. Usually, though, when these bullies faced someone who wasn't smaller and weaker, they show their true colors and rethink their actions.

At that point, they usually changed their strategies and would promise to change, begging the women to give them another chance, etc. Strangely enough, some of the women would return to that environment, only to be assaulted again and again. (That last sentence was meant to be read with a sense of sadness.)

[Sandy Eggo]

Kudos to all of my forum friends posting on this topic....strong women and men who make the world a better place.

I kinda feel guilty at giggling at the thought of the guy putting his foot down and getting his azz kicked. Almost. Today the young lady was whining b/c her husband demands dinner the second she gets home from work. What? Not feeling so subservient today? She's young and has a lot to learn. I think that her husband is kind to her, but they're caught up in the ridiculous gender heirarchy the bible teaches.

On a different note

It would be so refeshing if just once during a state of the state address the governor would say, "We're screwed...we really are".

[LOsborne]

I'm just thankful I got out of my situation before I became the "classical abused spouse".

Good for you, me. I don't know what you went through, but I know the kind of courage it took to leave, and I am impressed. You too, Pariann.

[Anne]

When my daughter left her husband he had threatened to harm (specifically to beat the h*** out of her 13 year old son) and never "love" his 7 year old. A real man, huh? She was truly frightened of him and planned her escape from Ohio to our home carefully. He also threatened my husband and I. A lot of things happened and other than haranging his kids about what a terrible mother they have he at least doesn't threaten anyone now. I have found out this happens a lot more often than one would think. Some people are just nasty mean.

[followsthewolf]

When my daughter left her husband he had threatened to harm (specifically to beat the h*** out of her 13 year old son) and never "love" his 7 year old. A real man, huh? She was truly frightened of him and planned her escape from Ohio to our home carefully. He also threatened my husband and I. A lot of things happened and other than haranging his kids about what a terrible mother they have he at least doesn't threaten anyone now. I have found out this happens a lot more often than one would think. Some people are just nasty mean.

Those kinds of people simply need to come up against one person who will take them all the way downtown if they start something. They usually just back off and go piss and moan to their half-wit friends how they've been mistreated and how tough they are.

[Anne]

That is exactly what he does. He, imo, is a poor excuse for a man.

[damfast]

i dont understand how these girls get involved with such people.

years ago my husband invited a co worker and his wife over to play cards.  The man looked wild and unkempt, he was short and had a strut to his walk.  The wife was meek, quiet, looked at her feet when she talked. 
after a few minutes, he looked at her and said, "Woman, Coffee."  She started to jump up immediately, and me being me: I said, "here we dont do the woman, coffee thing.  You want a cup of coffee and you arent feeling the, "honey if you dont mind, while you are up, and standing by the coffeepot, may i have some?" thing, you better damned well feel like gettin it yourself"
she just looked terrified. it was sad to see.
my husband smiled at him, and said, "my wife has high expectations, and a rolling pin, so if i were you, i would just get the coffee."

the guy told my husband later that he needed to "take me in hand", and Anthony said he couldnt keep a straight face.  He told the guy that he had worked on it for years, and that was all he could get from me.

years later i saw the woman while i was working with a group of women who help find safe places and counseling for people.  she was there for help.  she looked at me, and i could tell she was just horrified that i was there.  you could see the terror on her face.  i told her i was there to help her, and that as far as i was concerned she was a nameless stranger.  anyway, she never went back.  i never even told Anthony that i had seen her, last i heard about them, she had left the area entirely, and he had spent some time in jail for assault.

you hear these stories, and you just wonder, sometimes why the family off these abuse victims dont jerk the guy up and hold a sheet party.  cause i sure as hell would hand out free sheets and instructions.

[Sandy Eggo]

kudos to you damfast maybe we can pool resources and I can organize a fundraiser for more sheets

That story reminds me of a friend of mine who told me that a mutual male acquaintance of ours had told her that he wanted to date me. She said that he went on and on, but summed it up with "She needs someone who can control her". My friend said, "Good luck with that"

He never did ask me out lol the big chicken.

[followsthewolf]

I'd of paid money to see that.