Bad jokes collected from your Inbox

[me]

Penny was never the best Sunday school student. She was always falling asleep in class and getting into trouble.

"Penny," the Sunday school teacher asked, one dozing day. "Who created the universe?"

When she didn't stir, Jimmy, who sat behind her, poked her in the rear with his pencil.

"God Almighty!" shouted Penny, and the teacher said, "Very good."

A while later the teacher asked "Penny, who is our savior?" But again Penny didn't stir from her slumber.

Jimmy poked her again with his pencil. "JESUS Christ!" exclaimed Penny.

"Very well done," said the teacher, impressed by her enthusiasm.

Then after she fell asleep again the teacher asked her a third question: "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty third child?" and again, Jimmy jabbed her with the pencil.

This time Penny jumped up and shouted, "I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR A**!!"

The teacher fainted.

[me]

NUDE BEACH ....... !!!

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach...

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger

than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother

that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother:

'Daddy is talking to the
silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.

[me]

Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it."
"Well," said the big gator, "what have you been eating?"
"Politicians, same as you," replied the small gator.
"Hmm.....Well, where do you catch them?"
"Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol."
"Same here. Hmm.... How do you catch them?"
"Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the sh*t out of them and eat'em!"
"Same here." says the big gator. "Do you eat Democrats or Republicans?" "I eat the Democrats" says the little guy.
"Ah!" says the big gator. "I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. You see, by the time you finish shaking the sh*t out of a Democrat, there's nothing left but an a**hole and a briefcase."

[me]

 

[me]

Sometimes ya just shouldn't let a kid say grace at the dinner table......

[me]