Tell us a joke!

[damfast]

lmao, good one.

[FSU CLASS OF 1971]

Two old guys, Rodger and Chuck, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Rodger didn't show up.

Chuck didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Rodger hadn't shown up for a week or so, Chuck really got worried.

However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park Chuck didn't know where Rodger lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Chuck figured he had seen the last of Rodger. But one day, Chuck approached the park and lo and behold there sat Rodger!

Chuck was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.

Then he said, "For crying out loud Rodger, what in the world happened to you?"

Rodger replied, "I have been in jail."

"Jail?" cried Chuck. "What in the world for?"

"Well," Rodger said, "You know Judy, that cute little waitress at the coffee shop?"

"Yeah," said Chuck, "I remember her. What about her?"

"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty.

The Judge gave me 30 days for perjury."

[damfast]

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead where driving down the road, when a cop starts to chase them. They rush off and crash into the side of a barn, they immediately jump out of the car and hide under potato sacks. The cop runs in after them, and the first potato sack he comes to the brunette is under. He kicks it and the brunette says, "MEEEEOOOOOOW," and the cop says, "Oh! It's just a stupid cat."

He then moves to the potato sack the redhead is under and kicks it. The redhead replies, "ROOF, ROOF," the cop, angry now, says, "STUPID DOG!!" Then the cop gets to the potato sack the blonde is under, he kicks it with great force and the blonde screams, "POOOOOOTAAAAAAATOOOOOOO!"

[damfast]

a man and woman were happily married for many years. the only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. the noise would wake his wife, and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off, because the smell was making her sick. he told her that he could'nt stop it, but that it was perfectly natural. she told him to see a doctor, concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. the years went by, and he continued to rip them out! then one thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner, and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had placed the turkey innards, and a malicious thought came to her. she took the bowl upstairs where her husband was sleeping, and gently emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. some time later, she heard her husband with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream, and the sound of him running into the bathroom. the wife could hardly contain herself, as she rolled on the floor with tears in her eyes, figuring she had gotten him pretty good! about twenty minutes later, her husband came down wearing bloodstained shorts and a look of horror on his face. she bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. he said, "honey, you were right, all those years you warned me, but i did'nt listen." "what do you mean?" asked his wife. "well, you always said that one day i would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. but by the grace of God,some vaseline, and these two fingers, i think i got most of them back in."

[Palehorse]

 

[Henry Hawk]

       

[FSU CLASS OF 1971]

 

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN

A

SAUNA.



SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM

AND

THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY

PAGER," SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.



A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER

PALM TO

HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I

HAVE

A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."



THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE

HAD

TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND

WENT TO

THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER

REAR END.



THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....



I'M GETTING A FAX!!

[Henry Hawk]

        .....a classic.........

[FSU CLASS OF 1971]

Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed that one!!!!

[damfast]

excellent OF, thanks for coming to play in my room

[FSU CLASS OF 1971]

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny, beautiful fairy appeared on their table saying, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."

The wife said, "Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband."

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand...

...and - poof! the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful jerks should remember: fairies are female.

[damfast]

I dont like wife stories.

Too much like a horror event.

Wives scare me, territorial and wicked.

Demonic things

[Dexter Morgan]

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead where driving down the road, when a cop starts to chase them. They rush off and crash into the side of a barn, they immediately jump out of the car and hide under potato sacks. The cop runs in after them, and the first potato sack he comes to the brunette is under. He kicks it and the brunette says, "MEEEEOOOOOOW," and the cop says, "Oh! It's just a stupid cat."

He then moves to the potato sack the redhead is under and kicks it. The redhead replies, "ROOF, ROOF," the cop, angry now, says, "STUPID DOG!!" Then the cop gets to the potato sack the blonde is under, he kicks it with great force and the blonde screams, "POOOOOOTAAAAAAATOOOOOOO!"

OMG!!!! 

[Dexter Morgan]

a man and woman were happily married for many years. the only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. the noise would wake his wife, and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off, because the smell was making her sick. he told her that he could'nt stop it, but that it was perfectly natural. she told him to see a doctor, concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. the years went by, and he continued to rip them out! then one thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner, and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had placed the turkey innards, and a malicious thought came to her. she took the bowl upstairs where her husband was sleeping, and gently emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. some time later, she heard her husband with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream, and the sound of him running into the bathroom. the wife could hardly contain herself, as she rolled on the floor with tears in her eyes, figuring she had gotten him pretty good! about twenty minutes later, her husband came down wearing bloodstained shorts and a look of horror on his face. she bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. he said, "honey, you were right, all those years you warned me, but i did'nt listen." "what do you mean?" asked his wife. "well, you always said that one day i would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. but by the grace of God,some vaseline, and these two fingers, i think i got most of them back in."

I want you to know, I laughed til I cried, when I read this one!!!! 

[Dexter Morgan]

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN

A

SAUNA.



SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM

AND

THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY

PAGER," SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.



A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER

PALM TO

HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I

HAVE

A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."



THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE

HAD

TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND

WENT TO

THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER

REAR END.



THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....



I'M GETTING A FAX!!