Raising Children

[Sunny]

In Y's playhouse, there's a writing entitled Spanking Childrenhttp://united-technology.com/smf/index.php?topic=51.0.  In summary, it states that raising children involves 3 major issues: emotion, education, and control. 

My quandry involves the latter -- "controlled violence". What is your personal take on raising children -- what intervention do/did you find to be the most effective?

[~Daisy~]

I'm still searching, but open to suggestions.

[Sunny]

I'm still searching, but open to suggestions.

Me, too...

[DoubleD]

I have raised two daughters and still don't have any answers!  I do believe that every child is different so you have to decipline every child different.  For example, my oldest didn't care if she got a spanking, the thing that she noticed the most was if she were grounded from something.  My youngest only needed to be talked to and she was so ashamed that you didn't need to give her a spanking or ground her.
I do feel that you should never discipline children when YOU are angry and you should always let them know you love them.
Children are blessings from God.  
Sorry I don't think anyone can say that they have all the answers.  You just need to go with what you feel is right in your heart.

[kerrybeth]

I have raised two daughters and still don't have any answers!  I do believe that every child is different so you have to decipline every child different.  For example, my oldest didn't care if she got a spanking, the thing that she noticed the most was if she were grounded from something.  My youngest only needed to be talked to and she was so ashamed that you didn't need to give her a spanking or ground her.
I do feel that you should never discipline children when YOU are angry and you should always let them know you love them.
Children are blessings from God.  
Sorry I don't think anyone can say that they have all the answers.  You just need to go with what you feel is right in your heart.

Double D?? That got my attention. Wish that applied to me.

[~Daisy~]

I don't know how I did it (okay, a little bribery with the promise of going out for ice cream) but I got the boys to all pitch in together and clean their room. I only helped out with picking up some trash paper that had been tossed around and vaccuuming, but they did the rest themselves. Its a miracle!

[Sandy Eggo]

I agree. I think it varies per child. A look suited my son and he fell right into step with whatever I asked of  him. He's a teenager now and that's a different struggle.    My daughter on the other-hand is a totally different personality. When she was younger, she'd get so emotional that I couldn't talk to her. Time-out didn't work because I'd still have to get really physical with her to get her there. Either that or she'd sit there and entertain herself and when I'd let her up she'd say, "no, think I'll stay right here". I knew she was being a smart aleck, but she was letting me know that punishment was ineffective. I popped her little butt quite a bit. It was the only way to get her to calm down and pay attention.

When I punish, I try to deal with the issue and get it out of the way. My goal is resolution that they understand and are clear about and me too, because there have been times that I've totally misinterpreted their actions/feelings. Once that's taken care of, I follow up w/a hug and an "I Love you".

I try to grasp any opportunity I can to share my armchair philosophy with them. Which usually gets me a  but my mom was the same way and although I didn't think I listened, I did and it has helped me tremendously through my life. I'm hoping to plant a positive seed so that when they are faced with a crisis and I'm not there, that they can reach back in their "file" and find something that will help them some way.

When I see they've worked through a dilemma of their own and made the right choice/decision - I try to let them know that I noticed and how proud I am.

Just like everybody, I'm trying to figure it out as I go. The bright side is that, when you see them on Dr. Phil someday, you can say, "Hey! I used to post with their mom!" LOL

[kerrybeth]

Positive reinforcement usually works wonders. Too bad more people don't realize this. You can make your child want to please you.

[Popedaddy]

Going to cut your own switch is a great tool for behaviour modification. It gives you time to ponder what you did and allows your parent to cool down. Just don't bring back a bullshit switch 

[Sunny]

LOL! Good one! 

[American_Woman]

I rarely have to spank my children. I use what they like against them for punishment if they mess up. My oldest likes to watch National Geographic channel & draw so I take those away. My second son likes to watch cartoons and get on the computer so I take those away.
My lil girl likes to have her friend over who lives acrossed the street so I don't allow the lil girl over.

With my oldest,he gets to those points where it doesn't seem like anything matters so I make him do book reports. It seems to have his attention considering he doesn't like to do it so now he has to figure out how to not have to do them. He has written up to 7 in one night before and I believe it has sunk in.

I pretty much let them know they are not controlling my home & when they think they can then just try it because they'll quickly see they will fail. I allow them their say so as long as it's not overboard(they feel too and have thoughts too). The last thing you want is a child that holds everything in so when they finally have enough held in they explode like you've never seen before. I have seen it when friends don't allow their kids to talk. It's not pretty. I am told all the time I have very well mannered children,but it's not fully because of me. They have to make their minds up what is more important to them the things they like or it being taken away. The one thing that irks me with parents are the ones who say you're grounded,but never ground the child. Yeah you're gonna get real far claiming to punish and then fail to do it.  That kid will walk all over you for the rest of it's life.

[Sunny]

Excellant, AW. I sometimes struggle with follow-thru, but mostly with overcompensation. Guilty of "sparing the rod & spoiling the child."

[American_Woman]

Excellant, AW. I sometimes struggle with follow-thru, but mostly with overcompensation. Guilty of "sparing the rod & spoiling the child."

Follow through every time. Even when you feel bad it's ok to follow through. If parents don't feel bad about getting after their child then something is wrong with that parent. I feel bad too,but I sit them down and talk to them BEFORE punishment is issued. I explain that I don't want to take their things away,but I have to because they didn't follow the rules. We discuss the issue and then I issue the punishments.

[Fancy_Flo]

I told my two youngest children that they were good.  It seemed to work.  They were good.  I seldom had to discipline them.  It seems to work on a lot of adults, too.  If you tell them that they are good, they will live up to your expectations.  If they  don't, they will feel guilty, but they will usually come through.  Suzi is my youngest child.  I don't ever remember spanking her.

[Sunny]

Seems like you found a good approach then, FancyFlo! 

Welcome to the Zone.. .