Random Comments

[Henry Hawk]

Had a great day with my two oldest boys and their girlfriends.   The wife and I fixed some homemade Chicken & Noodles, mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. Played a few board games and sat around and talked.  Very blessed.

[me]

Sounds like a great relaxing day.

[Bo D]

I would hate to have these buggers coming into my house in the fall ....


Rare Bushcricket as Loud as a Power Saw


http://www.scientificcomputing.com/news/2013/08/rare-bushcricket-loud-power-saw?et_cid=3405430&et_rid=41373174&location=top

[libby]

That thing reminds me of what I think are called wood crickets. They have a round body and long legs and seem to jump toward people. I almost think of them as friendly little aliens (old sci-fi story) so try not to hurt them, but ... don't know if I've told this story here or not:

I was in my home alone, on the lower level shutting everything down before going to bed, when I saw one of those things and tried to put a glass over it so it wouldn't jump on me, but I missed and it disappeared. I went upstairs to my bedroom and felt an itchy place on my left shoulder and reached up to scratch it -- and realized that darned thing had somehow gotten under my gown and all the way up to my shoulder without me realizing it.  I think I screamed, but I know for sure that was the fastest I've ever in my life gotten naked! 

[Da Wham]

Jesus and Satan are having a conversation...


Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.

"Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?"










God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."

[Da Wham]

Don't Believe in Hell?


A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

[Da Wham]

Baseball Bribe


A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.

One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.

Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Yes it is," the man replies.

"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.

"No thanks," the man replies.

"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.

"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he is in.

"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies. "TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.

"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.

"Yes it is," replies the man.

"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.

"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.

"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.

The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."

"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.

"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.

"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.

"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness", the father explains as he hauls the child away.

At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Don't you start that shit in here," the priest says.

[Henry Hawk]

Is anybody watching Breaking Bad?   

[Locutus]

Negative. 

[Da Wham]

 

[Da Wham]

Annoying Boy on Bus


A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a little bull."

The driver gets annoyed as the kids continues to yammer on. "If my dad was an rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick."

The kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum and your mom was a drunk?"

The kid smiles and says, "I'd be a bus driver."

[me]

Well, got 10lbs of vidalia onions chopped up,  10 huge omish tomatoes, and a huge head of lettuce washed, drained, and ready to tear apart for the hamburgers tomorrow.  Canopy for the over spill from the shelter house, amp, mic stand, guitar stand, and gig bag loaded and ready, lawn chairs and extra table loaded, so all that's left is to put the cooler and my guitar in the car tomorrow and head out.  The park will be rockin' tomorrow for sure.   

[Da Wham]

Ending It All


A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.

The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.

[me]

Pork loin roast and home made sauerkraut in the slow cooker, 'taters ready to cook and mash, nice big red tomato ready to slice up for supper so I'm thinkin' I really should go check for light leaks now.....

[Palehorse]

Ending It All


A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.

The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.