Random Comments

[Henry Hawk]

now that is funny!

[Da Wham]

In-law vs Outlaw

What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
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Outlaws are wanted.


Bada-Bing! Bada-Boom!

[me]

All I can say is WOW.  Don't know whether to go practice or just throw my guitar out the window after watching this. 

https://www.youtube.com/v/gSedE5sU3uc

[me]

[Da Wham]

Ashes To Ashes


This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them.

"You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money."

Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."

[me]

Is anyone else watching Killing Kennedy?  Not too bad so far.

[me]

Well, got my runnin' done, a little housework accomplished, red beans and rice cookin' in the crock pot with some pork loin chops, and had some lunch, so now I do believe I'm gonna take a little nap.....   

[Bo D]

The boss got CryptoLocker. 

It took me all damn day to recover all the network shares he had access to. Needless to say, I took away his access to the network.

[Locutus]

The boss got CryptoLocker. 

It took me all damn day to recover all the network shares he had access to. Needless to say, I took away his access to the network.

I feel your pain man.    It probably cost his coworkers some productivity today as well. 

[Da Wham]

Beautiful?


A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.

His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.

A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!".

Well, the wife was dissappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute."

She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"

His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"

[Y]

The boss got CryptoLocker. 

It took me all damn day to recover all the network shares he had access to. Needless to say, I took away his access to the network.

LOL!  Don'tcha' love it!  Those computers, networks, etc. are only as secure as the stupidest person who has more privileges than s/he is competent to handle.  Hard to tell a boss he's an idiot though.   

[Da Wham]

Close Enough For Government


Three young boys were fighting over whose dad was the best:

"My dad is so good he can shoot an arrow, run after it, get in front of it, and catch it in his bare hands."

"My dad is so good that he can shoot a gun, run after the bullet, get in front of it and catch it in his bare hands."

"I've got you both beat. My dad's so good because he works for the city. He gets off work at 5:00 and is home by 4:30."

[Anne]

My granddaughter and her boyfriend were walking around town taking in the sights when man began following them. He looked like maybe he was homeless. He kept following them, not really approaching them, just following. Finally, boyfiend asked him if anything was wrong. The man pointed to my granddaughter and said she has two angels following her, so I am following her too. He said it was a boy and a girl, not children but not adults either. My granddaughter thinks it was her brother and sister, boyfriend thinks the guy was crazy. I'm nor sure what to think.

[Da Wham]

Crazy.

[Da Wham]

Bill Gates in Hell


Bill Gates goes to purgatory.

St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".

First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds.

Bill chooses Hell.

About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons.

Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?"

St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."