Random Comments (RH)

[Locutus]

[Purplelady1040]

I agree with that PH. 

Ditto, on that!

[libby]

The girl's mother needs to distance herself -- just not be there for him, screen her phone calls, feign illness, anything to keep from talking to him.  And the same for her daughter. Silence hurts , really hurts, but in the long run is kinder. 

[Locutus]

Seems like everyone is on the same page. 

[Purplelady1040]

The boy needs to grow up. The mom is not helping and in the boy's subconscious mind, the mom still being in contact with him gives him the hope that there may be a chance to get back with the girl. The mom just needs to cut her ties with him!

[Henry Hawk]

Yeah, my 2 cents, would be invested into PH's advice.  The young man will eventually "get it"....and will grow from it. 

Since the girl did nothing wrong but want to grow up.....the parents have to support her.....they just proved they did a good job at raising her, because she just made a tough choice on her own.  She didn't "settle" for the easy way out. 

[Sandy Eggo]

Thanks everyone! You guys are awesome and I appreciate the help. I will take all of this advice and make sure she follows it.

[Palehorse]

Time tuh do muh SNOW dance!

                                                                                  
                                                                     
                                                         
                                             
                                 
                     
         
   
         
                     
                                 
                                             
                                                         
                                                                     
                                                                                 

Time tuh do muh SNOW dance!

                                                                                  
                                                                     
                                                         
                                             
                                 
                     
         
 
         
                     
                                 
                                             
                                                         
                                                                     
                                                                                 

[The Troll]

Okay, I have a friend who has a daughter who has recently broken up with her boyfriend. The young man is very nice and the family loved him, but she outgrew him. She's fairly driven and he's happy with status quo and worse doesn't understand why she isn't. She doesn't understand why he doesn't have goals or any desire to have some things of his own....career (rather than just a job). A home that isn't oaid for by his parents and his own vehicle. She does care for him and feels bad that he's hurting, but feels like it's what she had to do. Since then she's focused on work and school and isn't dating anyone.

The mom, my friend, is torn. Of course she is loyal to her daughter and supports her and understands her decision. She feels really sorry for the very heartbroken ex boyfriend. He has lots of friends but oddly enough no real support system while he works through this. He's very depressed. He has reached out to my friend a couple times and she has tried to comfort him by explaining that he didn't do anything wrong. That he couldn't have prevented it and he can't change it. Her daughter's feelings changed. Sometimes as people grow up their feelings about things change and unfortunate as it can be, it's normal and not his fault. She's concerned that he's reaching out to her as the one connection to her daughter. He isn't asking her to talk to the daughter. He just wants to talk about how hopeless he feels.

Should she continue to counsel this young man? Or separate herself as well?

  What happened to that boy happened to me. I dated a girl for 5 1/2 year all through high school and her first year in college. She came home from college and one night she told me. Troll since you won't or can't go to college I can't marry you.  I am going to marry a college educated man and I won't be seeing you any more. With that she got out of the car and walked into her house and I haven't seen her since.   It tore my heart out. I have never been hurt so bad in my whole life. It still hurts when I think about it.

She went back to college to her new boy friend and she was pregnant within a month. She married her college educated boyfriend.  She gave birth to a girl and then she found out he was a cocaine addict and he was arrested for that and then she divorced him.  She then married another college educated man who like to beat up on her and she divorced him.   I do think there is something true about Karma.   

I still had remained friends with her family who thought I was A-OK and guess what.  Her mother fixed me up with a girl who she worked with, arranged a blind date out at her house. The girl was prettier, smarter and with 5 months I married her and have been married to her for 52 years.

  I say, stay friend with him and find him a good woman, her mother and I had long talks about her and what I should do and it really helped.  A guy who has been hurt this bad needs some one to talk to who knows what has happened.  My wife and I stayed friends with her parents for years and years.       

[Palehorse]

  What happened to that boy happened to me. I dated a girl for 5 1/2 year all through high school and her first year in college. She came home from college and one night she told me. Troll since you won't or can't go to college I can't marry you.  I am going to marry a college educated man and I won't be seeing you any more. With that she got out of the car and walked into her house and I haven't seen her since.   It tore my heart out. I have never been hurt so bad in my whole life. It still hurts when I think about it.

She went back to college to her new boy friend and she was pregnant within a month. She married her college educated boyfriend.  She gave birth to a girl and then she found out he was a cocaine addict and he was arrested for that and then she divorced him.  She then married another college educated man who like to beat up on her and she divorced him.   I do think there is something true about Karma.   

I still had remained friends with her family who thought I was A-OK and guess what.  Her mother fixed me up with a girl who she worked with, arranged a blind date out at her house. The girl was prettier, smarter and with 5 months I married her and have been married to her for 52 years.

  I say, stay friend with him and find him a good woman, her mother and I had long talks about her and what I should do and it really helped.  A guy who has been hurt this bad needs some one to talk to who knows what has happened.  My wife and I stayed friends with her parents for years and years.       

I'm glad and very happy that all worked out for you Troll. But that was then and this is today; and today's young people are more inclined to act out for immediate justice and vengeance, than to be coached through the misery.

I'm just saying. . .

[Y]

Uneducated, stupid, and angry is a bad combination. 

People like that have either poor, or a complete failure of, impulse control.

[Palehorse]

Xmas Eve activities are just about to kick off here in Horse Stall, so I will be grounded from cyber-space for awhile, (Self Imposed), as I turn my attentions toward my children, their children, and the telling of tall tales surrounding some fat guy in a red suit being pulled around the sky by some magical Caribou.

The crescendo of the annual pillaging of the household budgets approaches. Let the whining, crying, and sleeplessness begin!

And if I see visions of sugarplum's somebody take away my cocktail! 

Pieceout! 

[me]

Uneducated, stupid, and angry is a bad combination. 

People like that have either poor, or a complete failure of, impulse control.

Just because he didn't choose to go to college doesn't mean he is stupid it just means he doesn't want to go to college or doesn't have the money to go and doesn't want to go into debt.

[Sandy Eggo]

Just because he didn't choose to go to college doesn't mean he is stupid it just means he doesn't want to go to college or doesn't have the money to go and doesn't want to go into debt.

Being stupid and going to college have nothing to do with each other.

There are varying degrees of "stupid" and stupidity is a quality that stands on it's own and can't be fixed. Not because the person isn't capable of more intelligent thought processes, but because they consciously CHOOSE to ignore learning more. The sad part is that they make this choice while thinking knowing anything further is unnecessary. So, they're not aware that they're stupid. Either that or they don't give a shit. I'm not a psychologist so take your pick.

Y's point is that adding stupidity, anger and lack of education is a perfect storm.

[me]

Being stupid and going to college have nothing to do with each other.

There are varying degrees of "stupid" and stupidity is a quality that stands on it's own and can't be fixed. Not because the person isn't capable of more intelligent thought processes, but because they consciously CHOOSE to ignore learning more. The sad part is that they make this choice while thinking knowing anything further is unnecessary. So, they're not aware that they're stupid. Either that or they don't give a shit. I'm not a psychologist so take your pick.

Y's point is that adding stupidity, anger and lack of education is a perfect storm.

Sounds like he may be young enough he may not know exactly what he wants yet.  Afraid I'll have to agree with Troll on this one.