I had a good appointment today with my therapist.
One 'assignment' that she gave was to go alone to a restaurant or coffee house (not a bar). I am not suppose to sit in a corner but out in the open. :-\ For some odd reason just the thought of doing this makes me very anxious. I hope I don't have an anxiety attak in the middle of Starbucks or Apple Bees.
Wish me luck. :o
Wow that's very interesting BEG- I think I would be feeling anxious too! What is the idea behind the exercise? Is it a getting comfortable with yourself thing?
Yeah, working on my self-worth and confidence and that it's okay to be alone in a public place.
You can DO IT, BEG! Any other parameters? (e.g. can you take a book?) -- that always does the trick for me...a book, newspaper, journal -- something to occupy your time & make yourself have that extra comfort.
FWIW...best of luck. :smile:
Yes BEG, you can do it and I know you'll be successful. I have faith in you. Sunny has some awesome ideas. Remember, head up, chest out...you are not only all that AND a bag of chips..you've got the brownie too! :smile:
Quick story, my daughter and I were talking about something that she was a lil' nervous about and at the end of the conversation I said the same thing to her..."Remember, you're all that and a bag of chips" and she said, "No mom..I'm all that, a bag of chips and a brownie" and it made me smile, because she got it. Always be proud of yourself. You're not perfect and not like anyone else, but you're damn good. :wink:
As for your self-worth BEG; you are priceless, my friend! :wink: Just remember, "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me". :smile: I agree with MsM, that Sunny had some great ideas. The guys would certainly like the "chest out" part, :eek: but a purty smile will melt hearts! The Red Haired-Girl got mine that way! :smitten: You will do just fine! :yes:
Update BEG, tell us how wonderful you did?
That is something I would be very anxious about. I see people by themselves in restaurants all the time and think nothing of it. I don't know why it's such a big deal for me.
You can do it, BEG!!! I used to be the same way, but now I actually enjoy it, especially when I take lunch at work. It's relaxing to me to go to a restaurant alone, take a book or something with me and enjoy the peace and quiet. It really helps me to unwind a little bit from the hectic pace at work. When I first started it, I would look around thinking everyone was watching me, but now I really don't care if they are or not. ;D
:thumbsup: You can do it!!!!
I was also afraid to try it, but like BEG it became my homework. The book really helps, I always have it in hand like a security blanket.
I've not been out yet to test my wings yet. I'm thinking about Saturday. Lil BEG has a show choir retreat and will be gone all day. :-\
You can do it girl.............Hang strong...........Don't think about it to much...........Just get errrrr done! :wings:
You'll do great...have faith in yourself & what a wonderful person you are.
I went to Panera yesterday a little before 6:00. I had a sandwhich, chips and tea. After I got seated it became very busy - rush hour. There were others sitting there alone that I wouldn't have even made a mental note about if I weren't going through this myself.
I finished my sandwhich, got out my book and began to read. Lil BEG called me about an hour later (she was with a friend) and told me what she wanted for dinner. Overall it was an okay experience.
Tomorrow morning I take Lil BEG to an all day show choir retreat, so I think after I drop her off in the morning I'm going to go into Starbucks and order my favorite Vanilla Frap and read the morning paper. Then go work off the calories at the fitness club I joined last month.
I'm just taking baby steps. But I'm okay as long as I keep moving.
Congrats BEG, I bet it felt great as you walked out the door, bet you felt stronger and even had a smile on your face. :smile:
Tomorrow make that a X-large cup, you achived your goal ahead of schedule. :clap:
From someone who has been there and done that, I'd say you have aced your homework.
Stand proud.....It took guts.
Quote from: BEG on September 20, 2006, 04:07:40 PM
Yeah, working on my self-worth and confidence and that it's okay to be alone in a public place.
BEG, I think you sell yourself short, I believe that you have a tremendous amount of confidence....on here you know exactly what you like and don't like and are very sure about yourself...just continue to BE YOURSELF and act upon your gut feelings....if you think you should do something then do it.....
at least that is my 2 cents...for what its worth..
Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. It really means a lot to me. :yes:
I know I'm gonna get through this time in my life as long as I have dear friends like you all. ;D
:smitten:
:yeah: Your never alone.
Quote from: IYT IYT IYT on September 21, 2006, 10:28:43 AM
That is something I would be very anxious about. I see people by themselves in restaurants all the time and think nothing of it. I don't know why it's such a big deal for me.
I'm pretty used to that. I go to lunch a lot by myself. I usually perch myself up at the bar, where its less obvious I'm dining solo, and sometimes talk to the people around me, especially when there are other solo diners.
Next time you're dining solo, imagine the other diners naked. You'll either laugh your butt off or gag on your food. :biggrin:
It doesn't bother me to be somewhere alone,but I do not like to be center of attention.
;D Actually, get naked and stand on top of the table and sing at the top of your lungs.... :confused:
wait.. :-\..no, maybe just, get a book and dine quietly....I was thinking of something else.. :-[
This is a such a small thing for some, but for me it is a MAJOR feat. :yes:
I haven't went anywhere alone for the last 20 years.
When I would go to lunch alone, I would eat in my car. I would NEVER go into a restaurant alone. I'm just not comfortable doing that. But I am making progress. :smile: 2 times in one week - woo hoo!!! :biggrin:
On another topic:
This weekend I came to a realization that I did nothing, but love 'him' and I still do and always will. :smitten:
But I have come to terms that I did nothing to get rejected. There was no fight or argument. So that has placed me in this limbo feeling for a while. This weekend I told Lil BEG 'Well, this is his doing. He made the choice, not me.' She gave me a huge hug and a high five and told me I was too good for 'him' anyway.
And all I can say about that is one day 'he' may regret what 'he' CHOSE in the year 2006.
Quote from: Fatcats Mom on September 22, 2006, 04:50:32 PM
:yeah: Your never alone.
Of that you can be assured my friend! :wink:
That is ONE thing I am very assure of, Magistrate. The good Lord is always with me and gives me blessings each and every day. I am a healthy and vibrant young woman. Yes, blessings are many! :yes:
Quote from: American_Woman on September 25, 2006, 10:08:55 AM
It doesn't bother me to be somewhere alone,but I do not like to be center of attention.
Not me, give me an audience versus being ignored any day.
Quote from: Popedaddy on September 26, 2006, 08:16:56 PM
Quote from: American_Woman on September 25, 2006, 10:08:55 AM
It doesn't bother me to be somewhere alone,but I do not like to be center of attention.
Not me, give me an audience versus being ignored any day.
I'm sorry..................did you say something? :confused:
So, how's it going? I was thinking of you the other day as I sat and ate my lunch by myself, it's something I've learned to do w/out thought, so once I sat and thought about it and looked around...there were a few "loners" and nobody else seemed to notice or care, but I can see how that might be a struggle.
Personally, I like being able to choose what I where I want to go and what I want to eat without needing to put my head w/someone else to decide. I like the solitude to my own thoughts without needing to come up w/conversation while I eat. Don't get me wrong, I'm an extremely talkative and friendly person, but I don't mind using my lunch as a time to refresh myself.
Anyway, let us know how it's going.
Thanks for asking MsMojo! :biggrin:
It's going very well. I guess my uncomfortable feelings come from ALWAYS being with someone for 21+ years and all of a sudden being alone in public.
But I found out last weekend that I don't have a sign across my chest that says 'I'm separated' or 'Going through a divorce'.
I could very easily be on a business trip and staying in a hotel. That's the mind set I have developed.
Also I overcame the thought that just because I'm going through a divorce I am NOT a failure. :no: That was a major hurdle that I went over recently. The relationship was a failure but not me. :yes:
I'm okay - a little tattered and torn, but I'm still okay. :smile:
I'm getting better each day which is my goal so I can be the best me that I can be for Lil BEG. :biggrin:
The stages of emotion during a divorce are almost identical to that of adjusting to a death.
Logical because there has been a "death" -- a relationship died.
Mine died after 18 years. Believe this -- time is an incredible healer, slowly but absolutely surely.
One foot in front of the other.
Oh I know FTW.
Plus my counselor told me to take my time since I'm also grieving my mother's death from December. I got kind of a double whammy.
I have good days and bad days. I think I'm doing okay as long as I keep functioning ie. working, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and posting on the computer most of all - LOL. :smile:
Dang, girl.
Lots on your plate.
But you're doing the right things while letting the healing take place.
And it is taking place.
Good job on both of those triumphs, BEG!! I'm proud of you!
:biggrin:
BEG, I'm going to put this out here because I want you to know, you are not alone. I to am working in counciling on my self worth. And I am so proud of what you have accomplished. You have grabbed the ball and ran like hell.
I applaud you my friend.......It takes guts, and you have already proved you got em! Hang tough my friend! :biggrin:
Thank you soo much FCM. :biggrin:
I'm happy to hear I have a 'team mate'. Someone I can bounce things off of and you can do likewise. :yes:
Sometimes I feel like nothing can stop me, then I get tripped up and I take a step back and then have to start again. :mad:
I know WE can get through our situations and feel like we are in the exact place we should be in and let the future happen. At least that's my outlok for today - LOL. :biggrin:
Bounce anytime you wish, I'll do the same. :wink:
We will trip alot through out all of this, the great thing is........We are learning to catch ourselves! :dance: :dance: :dance:
I, personally, am a supporter of anyone & everyone obtaining counseling (including counselors themselves).
BEG, did I ever tell you about the "A Mother Loss Workbook, Healing Exercises for Daughters"? If not, it's written by Diane Hambrook, C.S.W., M.S.W., and Gail Eisenburg with Herma M. Rosenthal.
I bought it in January after my Mother died...and am slowly working thru it. I haven't been very adament about it, but need to because I have bad days too.
No you haven't Sunny. I will look for it in the library later this week. :smile:
I'm glad to read that you are moving through your grief too, Sunny. I know we are all different, but grief is greif, and always hurts. :yes:
Thanks, BEG...it believe it helped that I actually started grieving during the last year of her life.
Do you think that makes a difference? I find it's harder to lose somebody unexpectantly or suddenly.
My mother was diagnosed with Cancer 2 years & we knew it wasn't curable...so, it gave me time to prepare.
But, you're right...everyone heals in their own way and with time... :smile:
Quote from: SunnyInFL on October 02, 2006, 11:23:04 AM
Thanks, BEG...it believe it helped that I actually started grieving during the last year of her life.
Do you think that makes a difference? I find it's harder to lose somebody unexpectantly or suddenly.
My mother was diagnosed with Cancer 2 years & we knew it wasn't curable...so, it gave me time to prepare.
But, you're right...everyone heals in their own way and with time... :smile:
Sunny your right about being able to prepare. I lost my father to ALS, being able to prepare and watch him come to peace with it the way he did was a gift.
But to lose a person you hold so dear, is never easy. The yearning for that person is the hardest thing ever to heal. But with time, we learn how. I find memories and sharing those memories helped me to get through.
I'm not sure if there is an easy way to lose someone.
My mom's doctor never diagnosed her with a heart condition, but she died from a massive heart attack. She was gone before she hit the floor. :no:
While it was rough on all of her loved ones, I beleive it was the best way for her.
She always said she wanted to go quickly when her time was up.
Looking back, I am grateful that I didn't see her suffer with cancer (which is always how I imagined her life ending); even though I know I would have had more time with her.
I've learned to accept that this was best for her and now she is in a much better place.
You've been very strong, BEG. I am not as close to my mom as my sister is (we are very different people) but I love her nonetheless, and I know I'll fall apart the day I have to face this.
Quote from: ~Daisy~ on October 02, 2006, 01:16:28 PM
You've been very strong, BEG. I am not as close to my mom as my sister is (we are very different people) but I love her nonetheless, and I know I'll fall apart the day I have to face this.
In my experience, Daisy...the healing process can be just as challenging for those whom aren't close to the loved one. Sometimes you also grieve the rleationship that you did NOT have with them.
But, it's all about mental preparation, saying what you have to say NOW, and a matter of perspective. Everyone will have their day to shine...it's only an issue of time. :smile:
Quote from: SunnyInFL on October 02, 2006, 01:55:36 PM
Quote from: ~Daisy~ on October 02, 2006, 01:16:28 PM
You've been very strong, BEG. I am not as close to my mom as my sister is (we are very different people) but I love her nonetheless, and I know I'll fall apart the day I have to face this.
In my experience, Daisy...the healing process can be just as challenging for those whom aren't close to the loved one. Sometimes you also grieve the rleationship that you did NOT have with them.
But, it's all about mental preparation, saying what you have to say NOW, and a matter of perspective. Everyone will have their day to shine...it's only an issue of time. :smile:
That is so true, Sunny. I think that is the big problem I have with my Dad's death. We were not really close and there were some family issues there, but nevertheless, he was my Dad and I still loved him no matter what. I do wish we would have had a better relationship and wish I would have gotten to say a few things to him to clear the air before he died but I didn't get that chance and won't now. He was sitting at a table talking to my Mom and my Uncle and just quit talking. He had cardiac arrest and his heart just stopped. They tried doing CPR, but couldn't. He was on life support in a coma for 3 days before the family decided to remove him from it because he had no brain activity. He never woke up the whole time he was in the hospital. I often think maybe this wouldn't be so hard if I had gotten to talk to him before he died, but would it really be easier? I now look at all of my relationships differently since he died.
BEG, I know exactly how you feel about the death of a parent. If you ever need someone to talk to or just vent to, I'm here. I have a friend that allows me to do that with her and it really helps sometimes. You're doing great, by the way!! Congrats!
The loss, though terrible, can be dealt with a bit at a time.
I lost my father, my older brother, and my mother all within 3 years of each other.
It looks we have a group with something in common...I hope everyone feels comfortable sharing what has helped them get through tough days and knows that there are people here that understand.
*hugs* to you all.
Not much homework given today from my counselor except to make sure I continue to work on my self-care.
Self-care is one of the easiest things to get away from me.
:yes:
It will become easier in time. Your doing great! :smile:
No more homework! :biggrin:
I just had my last therapy session. I am through the grieving process. :smile:
Thank you to all my friends who supported me with kind words over the last year to get me through all the heartache that I have experienced. I treasure you all! :smile:
:clap: for you, BEG...be proud of yourself!!!
Keep on keepin' on, BEG!!!