Vents: Random Acts of Venting!

[pariann]

huh?

[Dexter Morgan]

Is this a government subsidized study on the recapture of bird flatulence for utilization as an alternative fuel source for combustion engines? 

It's an experiment thought up by this group of fine people called The Zoners. We've decided we must find an alternative more Eco friendly form of energy. We took a vote, and decided that you.... PH..... are the most qualified, and resourceful man on the team. I must say it is quite an opportunity,and quite an honor to be chosen for this prestigious task. Are you in?!!!!! 

Please note...... you will be provided protective gear, eye goggles, and a clothes pin for your nasal protection. 

[me]

Is this a government subsidized study on the recapture of bird flatulence for utilization as an alternative fuel source for combustion engines? 

Does that mean they would have to give up on the cow flatulence study?

[Sandy Eggo]

LMAO! I love you guys!

Keep up the good work guys! Great ideas! You never know, in the future we might be able to eat some beans and just back up to our car when we need to go somewhere.

[Dexter Morgan]

Does that mean they would have to give up on the cow flatulence study?

Oh damn.... I forgot about the cow flatulence study.  Maybe, he can do both if we provide him with a clothes pin,and hip waders. 

[Dexter Morgan]

LMAO! I love you guys!

Keep up the good work guys! Great ideas! You never know, in the future we might be able to eat some beans and just back up to our car when we need to go somewhere.

  You mean that doesn't work?  I've been backing up to my tank, and letting it rip for weeks.    That explains the low MPGs.   

[Sandy Eggo]

      You mean that doesn't work?  I've been backing up to my tank, and letting it rip for weeks.    That explains the low MPGs.   

Yeah, I can see that causing emissions problems too.

[Dexter Morgan]

Yeah, I can see that causing emissions problems too.

*cough cough* Yeah, I wondered if that was why?   

[Palehorse]

Methane gases, while highly combustable, are certainly not welcome within the sensory passages of the human olfactory system. Might I point out that given the obvious ability of our government to undertake redundant and blatantly useless "pork barrel" spending initiatives, it would seem a worthy endeavor to run this little project up the pole and see if it waves!

That being said, let's not get the cart before the horse here; secure the funding for the microscopic optics, tubing, gas collectors, zircon encrusted tweezers, and other necessary equipment, and I'll consider pursuit of this little venture! 

Let's not forget the protocol construction, validation, and writing that must be undertaken in order to even start this little show! 

[Dexter Morgan]

Methane gases, while highly combustable, are certainly not welcome within the sensory passages of the human olfactory system. Might I point out that given the obvious ability of our government to undertake redundant and blatantly useless "pork barrel" spending initiatives, it would seem a worthy endeavor to run this little project up the pole and see if it waves!

That being said, let's not get the cart before the horse here; secure the funding for the microscopic optics, tubing, gas collectors, zircon encrusted tweezers, and other necessary equipment, and I'll consider pursuit of this little venture! 

Let's not forget the protocol construction, validation, and writing that must be undertaken in order to even start this little show! 

My biggest fear was an explosion !!!  Now, I gotta think through the rest.  Hmmmmm.......  If you suddenly see smoke coming out of the top of my head.... you'll know what happened. 

[Palehorse]

Friday Night Smack-down At Work

So I am sitting in the cafeteria at work. A rather oblong room with a huge glass filled wall that faces the palletizing area. An area that is typically crewed by boisterous individuals that love to cut up and yell; especially on a Friday afternoon as the end of shift is closing in on them. Like horses chomping at the bit, they're wild and raring to go. . .

So it was nothing out of the ordinary as I sat there with my back to the glass wall, eating my buffalo chicken sandwich and chomping on some jalapeno cheetoes, washing them all down with a coke as a crew member from the inline and I talked about nothing in particular. I heard the raised voices and commented to him, What is this, Friday Night Smack-down on the case sealer?

About that time one of the regular case sealers, who was sitting at a table across the room, got up and opened one of the doors to yell, I saw that! I saw her shove you!. Which would have gone un noticed by me had I not heard the expletive laced yelling going on between a 6'2, 275 pound male assigned to the area, and a 5'5, 175 pound woman filling in. . .

Apparently this was serious and I left my tabasco encrusted cackle-meat sammy to investigate on the double. As I exited the glass enclosed structure I observed the woman physically shove this big guy, and they were both nuclear! One of the supervisors, a 63 year old male about the case sealer guys height and considerably lighter, had placed himself between these two and was being thouroughly thrashed as they utilized him as a weapon with which to pound one another; pushing him back and forth off one another as he did his very best to keep them separated.

By this time I had finally circumvented the labyrinth of guard rails, dodged the automatic pallet shuttle car, and hopped over 3 stacks of empty pallets, and arrived on scene. The supervisor looked as if he was ready to collapse, and the whole time he had been yeeling instructions to both of them to shut up and stop right now. At least a dozen times to no avail. The only thing that allowed him to stay upright was the close quarters between him, the two combatants, and the pallet and conveyor line.

I stepped between the supervisor and the woman, (the only open space available), and I firmly and calmly said, Knock it off right now. . .please. I then put may arm on the woman's back and steered her toward the HR office. She said, Yes Let's go get (the HR Guys name). I said that's exactly where we are going.

I placed her at a table in the waiting area, instructed her to stay put, and went in to get him. I told him quickly what was going on and asked him to come out to the palletizer area. As we passed through the waiting area I just looked at the woman and said, Sit right there. Can I get you something to drink? (She declined but stayed put).

HR dude got the lowdown from the supervisor and asked me to go send him a report via e-mail at once. (He knew I am traveling next week and he wouldn't have a chance to debrief me). I hesitated because I knew the supervisor wasn't quite right, and he is a diabetic; but figured he was in good hands with the HR dude. Off to my office I went.

I sat at my desk composing my report and as I was about to press send one of my lab associates came in and said 9My Name), did you know that (the supervisor's name) is down? I jumped up and darted for the door, overhearing her say to me that the ambulance and the police were on the way already.

He was on the far end of the production floor. I could tell by the crowd of management standing around in the area, so I hot footed it out that way and observed the EMT's coming in the door as I went by.

Thankfully, one of my peers happened to be walking by as the supervisor began falling deeply into his diabetic reaction. Just 4 weeks ago I had to convince this same guy that we HAD to include instant glucose in our first aid kits on the floor. Thankfully he had listened to me eventually and he told me that he had noticed the supervisor was wobbly and was walking up behind him to ask him if he was okay when he passed out. He caught him before he hit the floor, and he said as he eased him to the ground he instantly thought about our prolonged conversation.

He ran to the first aid box, grabbed the tube, cracked open the top and squited the entire contents into his mouth. He swallowed it and by the time I arrived he was sitting on a chair someone had brought over and gulping down a bottle of OJ.

The EMT's checked him over and despite a half hour in the first aid room trying to convince him to go to the ER and get checked out he wouldn't go. They left and he was sitting up, feeling shaky, but his glucose levels had returned to normal.

I went in as the GM was trying to convince him to let the administrator go get him some food. I joined in but all he wanted was a smoke. I winked at the GM and told him I'd take him outside so he could get his smoke habit attended to, then whispered to him that I was sending his ass home. He agreed vehemently.

I talked to him and tried to get him to agree to go home but he wouldn't. I told him I would drive him home, no dice. I begged him, wouldn't budge. He was staying at work. As we came back inside, I made him use the front door and stay out of the plant. The VP walked up to us and said, (Supervisor's name) I'm betting (My name) didn't have much luck convincing you to go home did he? Nope. Well, here's what I want you to do. Go back to your office, shut down your computer, get you stuff, and then get into a vehicle and go home. You are done for the day, with pay, and that is a direct order.

You'd have thought the man had slapped him or something! The guy was heartbroken! I walked him out to his office and accompanied him, talking to him about what a great job he had done in the situation that led up to his reaction. He said he felt like he was being punished, and I told him hell no! I told him how glad I was to see him alive, because I knew he was diabetic, I knew something wasn't right with him during the incident, and I had listened to the HR guy only because I figured he was safe with him.

I told him, You old bastard if you had checked out right then I'd have never had a moments peace again for the rest of my life! Because I knew. . . I just knew. . . As he was shutting down his computer I was anticipating the argument I was going to have with him over driving. I reached into a nearby first aid cabinet and grabbed another one of those tubes and pocketed it; unseen.

I wasn't wrong. He asked me why I was walking him out to his car and I told him it was becase I intended to hound him all the way about letting me or someone drive him home. He said, as we reached his vehicle and he unlocked the door, "Well you already know the answer to that".

I reached into my pocket and pulled out that tube, along with a scrap of paper with my desk phone number on it. I said, "Yeah, I figured as much", and handed him the tube and number. Whats this for? I told him, you old bastard you aren't leaving here unless you promise me you will:

1. Stop and squirt the contents of this tube in your mouth if you start feeling the least bit shitty on your way home.

2. Call me as soon as you hit the door at home to let me and everyone else here know you arrived safely.

Head down he took them from me, and as he looked at me he had tears in his eyes. He said, "I knew from the moment you and I met that we were going to be good friends. I just never knew that I'd be indebted to you for anything. You saved my miserable old life today, you know that don't you?"

I told him I did no such thing, and he said, "By God, (RCM Manager's name) might have been the one squirting that stuff in my mouth but he would never have had it to use if you hadn't argued and badgered him into getting it. And I know damned good and well the only reason you did that is because you knew about me." . . He had me there.

He got out and shook my hand and hugged me. . . He said, "Thank you my friend".

I hugged him back and said, call me when you get home, and if you have to stop and use that stuff you call me right away and I'll come take you the rest of the way home.

He called my desk 30 minutes later and put his wife on the phone. The only thing she could say through the sobbing was, Thank you. . .

The combatants were both suspended indefinitely. The lady went to jail too for battery. I went home. . .

Somehow, despite all the bullshit I arrived home feeling like I had accomplished something worth doing for once! 

[Dexter Morgan]

Great job PH!!!! I'd want to be working with you, if I ever had a situation like that happen on the job. 

[kimmi]

OMG I'm all teary after that one Pale!   

[Palehorse]

Okay. . . I see the efforts of this nations transportation experts was not limited to the likes of Chicago, Illinois or 96th street and I-69 in Indianapolis.

These crack munchers did one outstanding job around Cincy! Sweet Baby Jeebus hanging on the cross! It took me an HOUR to go 17.5 miles around 275, to 71 to exit 59 last night, this morning, and again this evening!    Move three feet stop for 4 minutes. Repeat until you are doing the piss dance and about to burst!

I wanted to hurt somebody all three times, and I was not alone. It was so bad the next two days of training have been moved to a conference center at the hotel we are staying in! 

[Henry Hawk]

PH...thanks for sharing your story from work....what little time I have got to know you, it does not surprise me one bit, the way you handled yourself at work......