Radiation

[tallulahdahling]

Not happy 

[Sandy Eggo]

 

How much more do you have to endure?

[Locutus]

I remember when my mom was on radiation.  It was pretty brutal. 

My thoughts are with you.

[Dexter Morgan]

Not happy 

Oh T.    I'm soooo sorry to hear that. Chin up Dahling it wont be much longer.  

[tallulahdahling]

OK--here's the deal........

In addition to my current ailment, I also have discoid lupus.  It is an autoimmune disease that causes red splotches to pop up all over your body and they are intensified by sun or heat.
Basically, when you have discoid lupus and you get a sunburn, it's three times as severe as a normal sunburn.

Now you understand my depression and unhappiness. 

The doc says that instead of the normal daily 15 min treatment, he's going to have to spread it out to 28 5 min treatments with a week off inbetween.  So, I'm gonna be going through this crap way into Spring   

I also should expect extensive burns and blisters.  I go back this week to get my tattoos for alignment and get an impression of my head and arms so they zap me in exactly the same place each time.

Oh, and one more fun thing ........ the radiation will probably damage a layer of my right lung which will make any future x-rays look a bit fuzzy to the technician so I'm supposed to inform them of my radiation treatments.  I may also have some breathing difficulties.

So I think I'm going to buy a carton of ciggies and a bottle of scotch and have my very own little pity party.

Pfft!  I hate it when I get this way 

So say your prayers for the pathetic, bald, one- boobed baby.   

And Merry F@#$in Christmas!

[cachegurl]

Tallu, my mother in law has Lupus also. I've seen what she has been through so far with it. My thoughts are with you, my friend. I know how down and depressed you are, but remember, all of your Zone friends care about you and will be praying for you. We love you, Tallu! 

[Dexter Morgan]

OK--here's the deal........

In addition to my current ailment, I also have discoid lupus.  It is an autoimmune disease that causes red splotches to pop up all over your body and they are intensified by sun or heat.
Basically, when you have discoid lupus and you get a sunburn, it's three times as severe as a normal sunburn.

Now you understand my depression and unhappiness. 

The doc says that instead of the normal daily 15 min treatment, he's going to have to spread it out to 28 5 min treatments with a week off inbetween.  So, I'm gonna be going through this crap way into Spring   

I also should expect extensive burns and blisters.  I go back this week to get my tattoos for alignment and get an impression of my head and arms so they zap me in exactly the same place each time.

Oh, and one more fun thing ........ the radiation will probably damage a layer of my right lung which will make any future x-rays look a bit fuzzy to the technician so I'm supposed to inform them of my radiation treatments.  I may also have some breathing difficulties.

So I think I'm going to buy a carton of ciggies and a bottle of scotch and have my very own little pity party.

Pfft!  I hate it when I get this way 

So say your prayers for the pathetic, bald, one- boobed baby.   

And Merry F@#$in Christmas!

Oh T    I'm sooo sorry to hear all of this. I don't even know what to say. I'm shocked speechless, and that never happens to me.  I just can't believe it. I'm crying as I type this.  Your not pathetic T. you are a beautiful person, I know this because I know you through your posts. The T. I know holds her chin up high,and laughs in the face of tragedy. You can't let it win. This is a major set back, but you have to have faith, that it's going to get better. Don't give up T, we've discussed at great link, that everything happens for a reason. It's your plan,and you have to walk that path. I had sooo hoped that this was about over for you. You don't know how much I hoped that for you. I wonder why they never found the Lupus earlier? That's an auto immune disease. Infact, I have a predisposition for it. T. there are a lot of people pulling for you, and we all love you. Don't be afraid to come and vent,and talk, we've got big shoulders we can take it. I'm keeping you in my prayers. Chin up Dahling!!! 

[tallulahdahling]

Cache and Dex,
You are truly blessed!  Thanks so much for the encouragement after my last pathetic post.
I do apologize for the ending--I hate feeling sorry for myself and causing strife for others due to my lack of prose.........

Just to clarify--I have DISCOID lupus and not SYSTEMIC lupus--big difference.  Discoid lupus just affects the skin and not the internal organs as systemic does--(Thank you Lord!)

I'll be ok.  Glad to know I have such good friends here.  It REALLY matters.

Luv you all,
Tallu

[Sandy Eggo]

I've often said that there's nothing worse than when an optimist gets depressed. Although when I said it, I meant about me, but something about your last post reminded me of that. I'm an eternal optimist, but there have been occassions when life throws too much at once and I'm down for the count and SO pathetic. Then I find something to do to help my perspective...a nap, drink, long talk w/a friend who likes me no matter how pitiful I am, write it down or something. Then I'm back to normal and it sounds like maybe that's what you may have done as well. I may not understand entirely  how you feel, I haven't been through anything remotely similar to what you're going through, but I think I understand being so depressed. You've already come so far in your treatment. From the sounds of things you're handling it much better than I would expect to. It does suck that your treatment has to stretch out that way, but it is treatment,  you're headed in the right direction. Also, your Dr. seemed to give you a lot of "mays". I know it's their responsibility to warn you of possible outcomes, but MAYbe it won't be the worse case senario. Even if so, the end of the rainbow is where the gold is. You'll be there before you know it and when you get those completely cancer free results back...you'll breathe  your sigh of relief...just fine.

[tallulahdahling]

Yeah, Piya--it's really, really tough when the ETERNAL optimist gets the blues LOL

I had a long talk with my cousin last night--she had the same procedure 6 years ago.  And since we have the same fair skin and coloring she feels that I will probably come out ok.

She doesn't have lupus, though.  So I'm still treading the "doubting waters."  LOL

I do a lot of walking and writing in my journal.  I talk to people who want to listen and I guess God is the one I most call upon.

I just don't wanna hurt.  Chemo was a cake walk for me.  But severe sunburn--not being able to hug anyone -- that's gonna hurt me the most 

[Dexter Morgan]

Cache and Dex,
You are truly blessed!  Thanks so much for the encouragement after my last pathetic post.
I do apologize for the ending--I hate feeling sorry for myself and causing strife for others due to my lack of prose.........

Just to clarify--I have DISCOID lupus and not SYSTEMIC lupus--big difference.  Discoid lupus just affects the skin and not the internal organs as systemic does--(Thank you Lord!)

I'll be ok.  Glad to know I have such good friends here.  It REALLY matters.

Luv you all,
Tallu

Ya know T. it's OK to feel sorry for yourself. I feel sorry for myself sometimes. I was sooo shocked to hear, that you have so much more treatment left,and the new complications blew me out of my chair. I sat and bawled T.  My husband came home from his dentist appointment ,and took one look at me,  and said "Oh my God what happened?" I had him read your post, I couldn't even tell him.  He sends you his best wishes. Thank God it's Discoid and not Systemic. The anti nuclear test they did on me, shows a predisposition to systemic.  I have a lot of arthritis. You should never feel sorry for posting from your heart T. It is always good to let it out. You have every right to feel angry ,and frustrated,and exhausted. You've been fighting this crap for months, and you must continue to fight T. We all love you T.  NOW GET BACK TO WORK KICKIN' THAT CANCER IN THE ASS!!!!!

[Dexter Morgan]

Yeah, Piya--it's really, really tough when the ETERNAL optimist gets the blues LOL

I had a long talk with my cousin last night--she had the same procedure 6 years ago.  And since we have the same fair skin and coloring she feels that I will probably come out ok.

She doesn't have lupus, though.  So I'm still treading the "doubting waters."  LOL

I do a lot of walking and writing in my journal.  I talk to people who want to listen and I guess God is the one I most call upon.

I just don't wanna hurt.  Chemo was a cake walk for me.  But severe sunburn--not being able to hug anyone -- that's gonna hurt me the most 

  Maybe you could layer your clothing, and tell people to hug you gently.   

[smokeykat]

here's a big Smokeykat hug...

[tallulahdahling]

Aww, Dex--See?  See what I've done with my pathetic, sorry-ass posts?  I made you cry--oh, I feel like such a shit--I'm so sorry 

Please forgive me--I never wanna make anyone cry--unless it's in a sexual nature--and I'm totally monogamous so you don't qualify 

But thanks for the support--it means a lot--I'm not giving up, I'm gonna fight!

And if it hurts when someone gives me a hug, so what?  It would hurt more if no one wanted to touch me!   

[tallulahdahling]

here's a big Smokeykat hug...

Thanks, Smokey -- that really made my day