skeletons...

[~vxn~]

we all have personal skeletons... we all have our demons.  i try to invite mine to lunch.  have conversation.  understand them.  sometimes, they even pick up the check.

in other news, i am sick again.  (or still?  or sicker than i was?  who knows?)  i refuse to go to the doctor or a hospital unless i am unconscious and unable to protest.  they cannot help.  if they could have fixed this, they'd have done it a year ago. 

i do think it might be good to have my spleen removed.  it is a danger to me.  it has been swollen and painful for so long... if it ruptures i will bleed to death internally before anyone even knows what's wrong.  i don't mind bleeding to death internally, unbeknownst to humanity--but i'd rather my kids not come home from school and find my carcass rotting on the floor. 

funny, i always thought that was how i'd go--rotting on the floor.  even when i was a kid.  i could picture it.  wow, i was sick kid.  lol.  (omg, i can't believe i am laughing at that.  at least i still have my sense of humor.)

well, i am off now... to take antibiotics i am allergic to and hope like hell they help me, even a little.  (they make me very rashy and very itchy and make my throat hurt.)

this sucks crap.

[Dexter Morgan]

I'm sorry to hear you're sick again. It sucks when nothing helps to make you better. It is very hard to not lose hope, but you have to go on, for the sake of your children. They need their Mama.  Have you ever been to a specialist? It might be worth checking into. I know it's hard but, you need to clear those morbid death thoughts, out of your head.  Thoughts like that can really hold you down. Just remember that your fellow Zoners are always here to listen.

BTW... How is your Mom doing? She was sick a while ago I remember. Also, how is your brother? I recall he was having difficulties accepting your Mom's illness. Just keep plugging away, it will get better. 

[Henry Hawk]

VXN?....................You feelin okay?.............. ..............you aint posted yet today....just checkin on ya.....

[Dexter Morgan]

VXN?....................You feelin okay?.............. ..............you aint posted yet today....just checkin on ya.....

I was wondering that myself HH. 

[~vxn~]

i'm still alive.  (you know, dex... lol... i always thought it was the moprbid death thoughts that kept me going... lolol... sunshine and puppies hurt my eyes....)

i do appreciate the concern, kids. 

my mom is out of the hospital, but thinks she might be sick again (because my brother wants to move out).  he's still crazy--but i think would do better to not live with my mom anymore... she instigates a lot of his illness and then says, "see, look how crazy he is." 

[Dexter Morgan]

i'm still alive.  (you know, dex... lol... i always thought it was the moprbid death thoughts that kept me going... lolol... sunshine and puppies hurt my eyes....)

i do appreciate the concern, kids. 

my mom is out of the hospital, but thinks she might be sick again (because my brother wants to move out).  he's still crazy--but i think would do better to not live with my mom anymore... she instigates a lot of his illness and then says, "see, look how crazy he is." 

I'm glad you're back. We were starting to get worried.  It kind of sounds like your Mom has control issues like my Mom. My Mom and I have clashed from day one LOL!!! She is an extreme control freak, but I wont let her control me. My poor sister has just been run into the ground by her. She has basically ruined my sister's life. I'd give anything for my sister to be strong, and break free of her grip. Sadly, I don't think that will ever happen.  I don't know what will happen to my sister when Mom dies. It worries my Dad and I a lot. 

[Locutus]

Sorry to hear you've been under the weather again ~vxn~.

[~vxn~]

thankx for caring, locutus...

(that is horrible, dex.  my mother emotionally blackmails all 3 of my siblings into feeling sorry for her or giving her money... i am so fortunate to be the black sheep.)

[Dexter Morgan]

thankx for caring, locutus...

(that is horrible, dex.  my mother emotionally blackmails all 3 of my siblings into feeling sorry for her or giving her money... i am so fortunate to be the black sheep.)

My Mom acts like Fred Sanford, when something serious goes down. You know the heart attack thing. Not quite as drastic, but similar. She sounds a lot like my Mom. I call her every night, but on the weekends, I want to spend time with my husband. Last Sunday, she called me 4 times, for absolutely no reason.  It looks like I'm going to start taking the phone off the hook again. 

[followsthewolf]

Hey, ~vxn~, old friend....

lots of us out here thinkin' about ya.

Hang in. Sending all good stuff your way.

ftw

[~vxn~]

thanks, wolfie...

[Exterminator]

Hope you feel better soon and that you get some 'sleep'!   

Since you're not making much progress with your doctors, have you considered any alternative approaches?  I'm not sick but have recently been experimenting with a couple of things just for wellness that you may find beneficial. 

One of these is mild hyperbaric oxygen therapy.  The concept is fairly simple...a liquid under pressure can carry more dissolved gasses than at normal atmospheric pressure so spending time in a pressure rich environment allows the blood to carry significantly more oxygen to your various body parts.  Since oxygen is a an important component of virtually every bodily function, those functions are improved by providing more of it.  Regular hyperbaric treatments will not only help your body heal but help it heal faster and, because bacteria and viruses are negatively affected by oxygen rich environments, with less risk of infection.

[~vxn~]

intriguing... i have often thought of other courses of treatment.  accupressure is good, rare to find a willing assitant... lol. 

never thought of HBOT though... perhaps i will look into that.  (anything is better than nothing--and i'm only going to refuse whatever the doctor suggests anyway.  i am not willing to submit myself to more painful torture that has little to no result.)

sleep would fix everything.  lol.  well, sleep would cure the lack of sleep. 

[Exterminator]

Another thing I've been doing is called an ionic cleanse which works the same way as ionizing air does to remove impurities but with water.  The thought is that we are all exposed to a variety of toxins throughout our lives and our body's internal organs have a limited ability to remove them, especially in people whose liver and kidneys may be compromised.  The toxins that aren't removed are stored throughout the body and their  accumulation is directly related to the aging process.

The ionic cleanse works by soaking your feet in water that has a slight electrical charge running through it.  This causes the water (H2O) to split into a positively charged hydrogen atom (H+) and a negatively charged hydrogen/oxygen atom (HO-).  These are absorbed through your skin, travel through your bloodstream and, much in the same way impurities in the air are attracted to negatively charged ions, attract these toxins which are then drawn back out of your feet into the water.  You would never believe how much crap ends up in that water; after 20 minutes, it looks like sludge!

[pariann]

the slight electrical charge would concern me, since we are taught not to mix electricity and water.