?Bienvenidos a Miami!

[C91]

I spent part of last week in my favorite city in North America:  Miami Beach.  I had to go there because my employer has a sponsorship deal with the South Florida International Auto Show and they needed me to help out with some events.  That made the trip that much nicer because I could expense just about everything.

The drive from Clearwater to Miami is rather mundane.  Once you cross the Sunshine Skyway Bridge, I-75 begins to look like any other Interstate in any other part of the country.  Frankly, there's not much to see at all.  The toll portion affectionately known as Alligator Alley is even worse.  100 miles of nothing but sawgrass, swamps, and sugarcane between Naples and Ft. Lauderdale.  (Except for the Indian Reservation at exit 49.  It's the only gasoline available on that stetch of highway.  And the price is indicative of that.)

My home base for the trip was the South Seas Hotel on Collins Avenue.  Collins Avenue is one of three "main drags" on Miami Beach.  Combined with Washington Avenue to the west and Ocean Drive to the east, the three streets create one of the biggest traffic nightmares in the lower 48.  But, being stuck in traffic in Miami Beach is made less frustrating by the "scenery" meandering the sidewalks on either side.  It seems that the women in Miami Beach, both native and tourist, don't like to cover too much of themselves.  (And when they do, it's often with something tight.)

THIS ENTRY WILL BE CONTINUED LATER THIS EVENING

[Sunny]

You certainly live an interesting (& worldly) life, C91. 

[C91]

Anyway...

I've never stayed at the South Seas before.  (Being a cheapskate, I usually stay at The Clay Hotel when I go to South Beach.)  But, it was recommended by the folks at the auto show because it was within "walking distance" of the Miami Beach Convention Center.  If I were on vacation, that would have been fine.  However, I was hauling stuff  back and forth, so walking wasn't an option.  I found the room to be comfortable with a firm king-size mattress, cable TV, and free (albeit weak) wi-fi access.  The selection of goodies in the bathroom was nice as well.  The thing I despise about Miami Beach is valet parking.  Having to pay $22 a day for the "luxury" of waiting 20 minutes for someone to bring your car around when you want to go somewhere is a bit much.  But, I understand parking is limited on South Beach -- and I wasn't paying for it anyway -- so, what's a guy to do?

My first night in town, I wandered Washington Avenue, taking in the "sights."  There was a premiere party for a new video game based on the movie Scarface.  I was amazed by people who would stand in a rope line for a video game party.  None of them looked like they lived in their parents' basements, though.  I passed two of South Beach's cultural attractions:  The World Erotic Art Museum and The Wolfsonian.  Although I have never visited either one, I would assume the latter is more cultural than the former.

I settled on dinner at Pizza Rustica.  $5 bought me a huge slice of supreme pizza and a can of Coke.  I sat at a windowside counter and watched a man sketch people seated at sidewalk tables.

A video crew was at the Scarface game premiere as I walked back to my hotel.  In my khakis and navy blue shirt, I was underdressed to join the rope line.  It was late anyway.

The next morning I scouted out the location for our event at the Convention Center.  It was not an exciting morning, but I was on the clock, after all.  This wasn't a vacation.  I then drove to Miami International Airport to pick up some guests from out of town who were working at the show.  It was my first trip to MIA and hopefully my last.  I did luck out and find a good parking spot though...right next to baggage claim.  Only $10 an hour, too.  (It went right on the expense report.)

After I picked up my guests, we headed over to South Beach for lunch at my favorite Ocean Drive eatery, The News Cafe.  The News Cafe is delightfully touristy, but the best place to people watch in Miami Beach.  I first discovered it on my virgin visit to South Beach in 1999.  I had heard about how the late Gianni Versace walked from his mansion each morning to the News Cafe newsstand to buy a newspaper and have coffee.  That was too good to pass up.  But, because of it's prime location, I make sure to take people who join me in Miami to at least one meal there.  People who have never been to Miami Beach often end their meal with a case of whiplash from the gawking.  Our waitress (whom I think was Russian) tried to align each member of our party with what kind of motorcycle we would own.  She determined I rode a motor scooter.  I still tipped her 15%.

After our duties at the auto show were finished, it was time to search for dinner.  My second-favorite Miami Beach eatery no longer exists.  Wolfie's closed for good in 2002.  Called the "Celebrity Corner," this delicatessen tried to survive on its glory days when it was the place to be seen in Miami Beach.  It was run-down when I first stumbled upon it, looking for some quiet comfort food during my first trip to Miami.  I found the biggest open faced roast beef sandwich I had ever eaten along with friendly staff and a "unique" crowd.  On each table were two bowls of appetizers.  One had freshly pickled cucumbers, the other a marinated cabbage.  Today, Wolfie's is a shell of itself.  The facade remains, but it is being rebuilt.  It will probably be a CVS or the first floor of multi-million dollars condos the next time I visit.

While Wolfie's no longer exists on Miami Beach, there's another location on North Collins Avenue.  Wolfie Cohen's Rascal House features the same menu and atmosphere as the original Wolfie's -- allegedly.  Unfortunately, my memories of late dinner on Miami Beach were spoiled by bad service and the kitchen being out three out of the four dinner entrees my party requested.  If you're staying on South Beach, the Rascal House is not worth the drive.

When we returned to the hotel, my guests made a bee-line for their rooms as they had early flights back to Texas.  I waited for the valet to take my keys and eventually rode up in the elevator with a young lady wearing knee-high leather (or maybe latex) boots, a short skirt and a very flattering bustier.  Having determined that she would be coming back down to meet her party to go clubbing, I dropped some stuff at the room and returned to the patio bar for a Miller Lite.  Unfortunately, the were out of Miller Lite, so I had a $7.50 bottle of Corona.  Apparently, Miss Bustier had returned to her room to retrieve some kind of leather device that would come in handy later that evening.  After she and her party got a good laugh out of it, they piled into a cab for some kind of Miami Beach adventure.  I, on the other hand, finished my beer, watched the sea of humanity making their way into the night, and headed up to bed.

I had to be up at 6:30 to take my guests to the airport.  As the valet brought my car around, two cabs full of people were returning from an evening out.

Just another two days in Miami Beach...

[Locutus]

See any of the topless European tourists while there?   

[C91]

See any of the topless European tourists while there?   

It's not just the Europeans who go topless these days.  Breasts representing all areas of the globe can been seen on display.  From cocoa-skinned Latinas to corn-fed Iowans, it seems like the reduced-tan lines craze is catching on in South Beach.

Although toplessness is technically illegal on Miami Beach, the authorities tend to turn a blind eye.