Upon my death...

[C91]

This thread may be a little morbid, but I guess at some point we all have to think about our own demise.  Who's to say that we'll all make it home from work alive tonight?  One bad decision by a fellow motorist and well...that could be it.

I have often said that my greatest fear in the world is dying alone.  I'm single and live by myself.  I remember an episode of "Six Feet Under" where a single woman choked to death in her home and wasn't found until several days later -- after she missed her rent payment. 

Last night, I sat down and started typing out a list entitled "Upon My Death".  It's not a will.  It's a checklist of things I want my family to do if for some reason I die.

Among the things on the list are contacting the people in my cell phone's contact list.  Some of the entries are people I've lost touch with, but still have a place in my life, so they should know. 

Another thing would be to have them post an entry on message boards like this.  I listed all of the URL, IDs and passwords of forums I frequent.

I put the list in an envelope in a conspicuous place so whoever has the task of going through my belongings will find it and hopefully follow through on some of the stuff. 

I know there are probably much more formal ways to do this, but putting such trivial matters in a will seems tedious.  (But, I guess that's something to consider as well.)

[kimmi]

Interesting!  I guess I never thought of anyone having to say "Where the hell has Kimmi gone?"  You have my wheels turning a bit!

[bevis]

i can't imagine dying, and leaving a bunch of tasks for someone to perform in my name.  seems pretty egotistical to me.

[C91]

i can't imagine dying, and leaving a bunch of tasks for someone to perform in my name.  seems pretty egotistical to me.

I don't see it as being a bunch of "tasks".  It's no different than putting an obit in the newspaper is a "task".  Or executig a will is a "task."  Or collecting a bunch of tacky bouquets from a funeral home is a "task."  We live in a society where many people only know each other through a screen name or voice.  I look at it as a courtesy to those friends I've made through those channels.

And I'm not asking anyone to do anything "in my name."  They can phrase it however they want to.  Perhaps I'm just thinking too much into this, but if someone close to me -- but not close enough for me to read an obit or someone I had no mutual friends with -- I'd want to know if they had died.

[Sandy Eggo]

I think it's a really good idea. No one ever knows how to handle a death, who to call, what to do...You so often hear them say..."what would he/she want?"..Of course the people you have known would want to know. If you're like me, even my closest friend or family member wouldn't have any idea how to reach everyone that I think would want to know, unless I tell them. It's a thoughtful gesture...both for the person that would want to do the right thing and the person that would want to know.

[kimmi]

I agree.  I have friends around the country.  My mom still can't keep my college roommates straight so she would need some guidance there.  I think it is a pretty good idea myself. 

[pariann]

I think it's a great idea.  As I said in another thread, most of my friends are online.  Many of them I have never even met face to face.

When I first started using the internet as a social medium, I made some friends in Australia.  A whole family. Mom, Dad, Son's, Daughter, grandchildren. At various times they would all get online from their computers and message me, or we would chat on IRC.  One day, Dad came online and informed me that in the middle of the night, Mom had died.  She was someone I spoke with on nearly a daily basis, and had I not been friends with him also, as well as his whole family, I probably would have been sitting here on my thumbs wondering where my dear friend 'Katje' was.   

Being informed of her passing I was able to do two things. Build a memorial site for her  and have flowers sent to her home.  Tulips, in memory that she was born Dutch that I hoped would be planted in the garden she loved and would bloom every year as a reminder to Dad that someone so far away cared about the two of them.

I think C91 has hit on a great idea and in this day of distant relationships through technology, maybe it should become part of social etiquette to make just this kind of list.

[Dexter Morgan]

This is soo weird, I sat down last night, and started to write out an informal list of instructions, to be followed upon my death. I want my money to go to animal charities. I also worry about who will plan my funeral, and if it would be to my liking. I want my hair and makeup to look like I did it. On a lighter note......... A friend of mine is fanatical about her hair. She gets it done weekly. Her husband always tell her, if she goes first, he's going to have the funeral director shave her bald.  She believes him and gets really worked up. 

[Sunny]

I agree with C91 100%! I don't see this type of planning as egotistical at all...but rather empathetic
for our loved ones & for those we care about in our lives.

When my mother died last year & sat down with the funeral director just hours after she took her last breath -- the LAST thing on my mind was how to write her obituary. Fortunately, she had planned ahead (for me! thanks, Mom!) and already had her obit written out.

I don't' believe that any of us are invincible & we should be very proactive in preparing for those we'll leave behind.

[Dexter Morgan]

I agree with C91 100%! I don't see this type of planning as egotistical at all...but rather empathetic
for our loved ones & for those we care about in our lives.

When my mother died last year & sat down with the funeral director just hours after she took her last breath -- the LAST thing on my mind was how to write her obituary. Fortunately, she had planned ahead (for me! thanks, Mom!) and already had her obit written out.

I don't' believe that any of us are invincible & we should be very proactive in preparing for those we'll leave behind.

It sounds like your Mom was a very thoughtful lady. Funeral directors sometimes get a bad rep, and some of them deserve it, but I've always thought they seemed like caring individuals, who try to help people at a very difficult time.I've given allot of thought to becoming one. I agree about making decisions, so the family aren't burdened, in that difficult time.

[kimmi]

Thankfully when my father passed, the funeral director was his cousin!  The only thing that was wrong in it was that he was preceeded in death by his former wife - my mom!  Talk about getting some strange phone calls when that hit the papers!   

We found it funny because we are weird like that!

[Sunny]

Wow, kim...I don't remember that!?!?

Dexter, I think it would require a lot of compassion to be a funeral director -- I personally can't imagine embalming a dead person. Or pass out a "price list" to the family of a newly departed.

But, I bet they make some pretty good dough.

[kimmi]

It wasn't in the Meadville Trib.  It was in the Erie Daily Times.  Even worse for mom since she lives up there! 

[Dexter Morgan]

Thankfully when my father passed, the funeral director was his cousin!  The only thing that was wrong in it was that he was preceeded in death by his former wife - my mom!  Talk about getting some strange phone calls when that hit the papers!   

We found it funny because we are weird like that!

I'm soo sorry Kimmi, I didn't know your parents are both gone. Your cousin being a funeral director, comes in handy in times of need. You can take comfort in the knowledge, that they were cared for with dignity and respect. 

[Dexter Morgan]

Wow, kim...I don't remember that!?!?

Dexter, I think it would require a lot of compassion to be a funeral director -- I personally can't imagine embalming a dead person. Or pass out a "price list" to the family of a newly departed.

But, I bet they make some pretty good dough.

Actually, they don't make nearly the money people assume. Allot of them have to eat the cost on funerals for the indignant. The state paid funerals don't nearly cover the cost of a decent burial, so the funeral homes sometimes have to foot the bill. Restorative art is something that fascinates me to no end.