Support

[tallulahdahling]

We all need it--cancer or not.

I have been very, very fortunate to have friends and family and since I am a "semi" celebrity in town--lots of people who just want to help out.

Oh, folks have brought food, gift cards, flowers, "happys," booze, illegal drugs and the lot.  Boy, I'm a lucky girl

A support system is very, very important for those of us with this horrid disease and any other ailment as well.

You have to be sure that you keep in touch on a regular basis.  Some people get so depressed that they just sit in their homes in the dark and turn the ringers off of the phone.

Get out there!  Drive over there and make them open the door.  Bring food, paint their toe nails for them, wash the dishes.  But most importantly, LISTEN   

Any other ideas are welcome for supporting those you love.

[Sunny]

Good morning, dear Tallulah!

May I ask what "happys" are?...

And may I suggest that while it is important to listen, it's also important to ask. Some people are so afraid of asking direct questions, but that only hurts both parties.

Don't leave things unsaid...and of course, don't assume you know the answer.

[Sunny]

And one more note...flowers ARE wonderful. PLEASE use your "best vase".

Something that I've discussed with my auntie -- the 'things' in our life that really are just 'things'.

Why allow the best china...the best glassware...the best flatware...the best vase...sit and collect dust?!?

Encourage your loved ones to blow the dust off today and use the best.

[tallulahdahling]

Excellent, Sunny!  Use the good stuff!

Happys are what I refer to as just that--stuff to make people happy.  They don't necessarily have to be useful.

Sometimes I make votive candle holders and paint them.  Tie a long piece of wire and make a loop so they can hang outside for a night time get-together.  I collect small, fat jars of jam and spices and paint them with ceramic paint or sometimes just use markers or stickers to decorate them.

A nice body oil or lotion is a happy!

A basket of pasta and sauces and a loaf of bread is a happy too!

And, my favorite, a collection of dirty jokes or limericks   

[Sunny]

Oooh!!! I get it...very cool! I like it.

It's always nice to give (or receive) a new picture frame....even more special if it contains a photo, verse, mantra, or poem.

[tallulahdahling]

Oh yeah, they're the best!  I had a friend give me a terrific little sculpture she got in NOLA--it was just a painted, clay face of a smiling character and the mouth had a mirror inserted in it.
So everytime you looked into the mirror you saw yourself with that big ole smile on your face!
I adore it!   

[kimmi]

I am trying to think of a way to support my cousin with his latest battle.  It is hard when you don't live close and you don't really know him.  We have only gotten closer as an extended family within the last two years.  He ended up back in surgery to get the rest of his arm amputated.  Hopefully they have gotten all of it this time.  He was doing really well after the first surgery.  I hope this isn't a setback for him! 

Any thoughts or suggestions?  He is 6 months younger than me and a policeman.  He and his wife had a baby in January. 

[tallulahdahling]

Does he have a sense of humor?  If so, get him something silly like a spatchula or a fly swatter.
Make sure that you do get him something nice and meaningful--I mean it's quite a shock when you lose a limb so it's not something to take too lightly.
A nice card with some handwritten words always mean a lot!

[kimmi]

Thanks T!   I'll keep you updated on his condition! 

[tallulahdahling]

Well?  How's he doing Kimmi?

[kimmi]

Still recovering from surgery unfortunetly.  He lost a lot of blood and they were really concerned.  I haven't been able to speak to his sister for a few days. 

Thanks for asking!

[tallulahdahling]

There is this really nice Baptist pastor who drops by the radio station where I work to bring me little "happys" like tea bags of the exotic and sometimes a straw hat or two. 

I wonder if I will be rude if I don't attend his church.  What's the protocol?  Is one Sunday enough?  Someone needs to write a book on this stuff   

[tallulahdahling]

My beautiful, wonderful, giving mother in law just sent me a big, fat check to help with expenses ...now that's what I  call SUPPORT!   

[Dexter Morgan]

My beautiful, wonderful, giving mother in law just sent me a big, fat check to help with expenses ...now that's what I  call SUPPORT!   

Woohoo!!!!  That is great news!!!!  I'm soo happy for you. 

[Sandy Eggo]

There is this really nice Baptist pastor who drops by the radio station where I work to bring me little "happys" like tea bags of the exotic and sometimes a straw hat or two. 

I wonder if I will be rude if I don't attend his church.  What's the protocol?  Is one Sunday enough?  Someone needs to write a book on this stuff   

Oh and it seems that protocol is doubled in the south or something. Reading this made me think of mom and her many friends and all the requirements. I was always amazed that they could keep things straight!

That's a tough one. I guess it depends on where your heart is. If you enjoy going to church, but haven't been to his church, then I think you should give it a try, maybe you'll like it. If not, then tell him kindly that while you enjoyed his church, you feel attached to your home church and may not be able to visit very often. He'll understand.

If you don't enjoy going to church then it may be a bad idea to go at all. Especially if he knows that, because he might pester you (maybe nicely, but still...) to "c'mon back" and then your friendship may change to one of dread, every time you see him, because you don't want to hurt his feelings.

Can you tell I've been there?

His gestures are very kind, but something I've learned is that I can't do anything for anyone w/the expectation of reciprocation. It's not fair to them or me. If I do something, it's because I want to. If they want to return the gesture great, but if not, then that's great as well. I did it because it was the right thing to do or simply felt good to do. Perhaps he feels the same way.