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The need to be touched

Started by C91, April 14, 2007, 06:45:47 PM

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C91

April 14, 2007, 06:45:47 PM
On the television program, "Boston Legal," there is a recurring character named Jerry Espenson.  Jerry has a social disorder called Asperger's Syndrome.  Jerry is a brilliant attorney, but is not allowed to try cases or make partner because of his disorder.  Among his many quirks is his inability to move his hands from his thighs, which earned him the nickname "Hands" from his co-workers.

In an episode this season, Jerry was pulled over by police for driving in the HOV lane with an inflatable doll in the passenger seat.  When police tried to confiscate the doll, Jerry became violent toward them in an effort to defend her.  He was arrested.  We later learn that Jerry did not buy the doll for sexual purposes.  Rather, she was a surrogate for human contact.  He completely individualized her and made her into a real person in an effort compensate for the lack of human contact he experienced in his own life.  He even gave her a name:  "Patricia".

I sometimes feel like Jerry Espenson.  I don't have a blow-up doll, but I find myself desirous of human touch.    I can't honestly tell you the last time I was touched in a social situation.  I used to get a monthly massage just so I could have the feeling of someone's hands on my shoulders and back.  If I happened to be in a hot tub, I would place myself in an area where someone might brush up against me, just so I could feel the softness of her skin.  And even if it was only in friendship, someone putting her hand on my knee or thigh or hand sent all of my stress out of my flesh. 

I guess we all have the need to feel contact from another human.  Unfortunately, for some -- many more than we are willing to admit -- that contact is more the exception than the rule.

damfast

#1
April 16, 2007, 12:03:38 PM
I think we all have that need for human contact.

Maybe a dance class would do you some good.  (ball room dancing)
Get you "out there"
I joined a women's gym when my husband died.  And took quite a few free classes they offered.  That helped immensely.
It's always darkest before the dawn.  So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Sandy Eggo

#2
April 16, 2007, 01:02:16 PM
I read a report once that people who have human contact are not only more emotionally healthy, but physically as well.

That's a great idea, Damfast. Also, you can volunteer at something within your local community. I can't think of what right off-hand, but I enjoy it, because I give back and I've met wonderful people as a result. Because I'm a naturally touchy/feely/huggy kinda person (after I get comfortable w/someone - I don't grab strangers as they walk by), I get my quota of hugs...normally.
Only after the last tree has been cut down. Only after the last river has been poisoned. Only after the last fish has been caught. Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten. - -Cree Indian Prophecy

"Women who strive to be equal to men lack ambitition" -- anonymous

~Daisy~

#3
April 16, 2007, 04:13:39 PM
I missed that episode, but I love Clarence/Clarice/Oprah...
If you don't like what you're doing, you can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.
--Timothy Leary

pariann

#4
April 16, 2007, 04:39:36 PM
When I worked at Morano's, I picked a guy to give me 'man-hugs'.  When I would start to feel like I had not had enough male human contact (which is different than hugging my kids) I would walk up to him and tell him I needed my 'man-hug' and he generously gave it to me.  This pacified me while I was going through my separation and until I finally had someone that I can get a hug from anytime. :)
Looks like I've come full circle.

~Daisy~

#5
April 16, 2007, 04:45:41 PM
I've always been that way. I had friends at old jobs that I could go to when I needed a great big male hug. I'm big on hugs. I love to be held tightly in a man's arms, especially when its nothing more than an innocent, friendly gesture. I've given that up since marrying Aaron, because now if I want a hug, I go to him. I'd always seek out the biggest guy around for my hugs, and it would truly feel like I was being engulfed by a teddy bear. At the school where I worked when I met Aaron, there was my buddy Greg, who was 6'5" and probably 400 lbs, and he gave great hugs. Or there was Jose, who was a short, squat guy from Puerto Rico. He gave some great hugs, too, though he'd always try to cop a feel. LOL
If you don't like what you're doing, you can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.
--Timothy Leary

Sunny

#6
April 19, 2007, 05:14:49 PM
I wanna know why they wanted to confiscate the blow-up doll? (I've never watched the show, sadly).

As a side note, isn't human contact one of the first, crucial components for the establishment of "safe attachment" when an infant comes into the world?

Isn't it also one of the first things that "goes away" or "stops" in an unhealthy or floundering relationship?

pariann

#7
April 19, 2007, 05:17:17 PM
It must be, Jason hasn't touched me in two days, and right now, I couldn't care less if he does or not.
Looks like I've come full circle.
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