because i feel like looking at myself...

[followsthewolf]

Makes me grateful for my mom and dad.

And that, occasionally, as a police officer, I could put an end to some of that.

Sorry I couldn't help you, ~vxn~.

[Sunny]

No, it's good to get it out sometimes. 

So true. It happens a lot more than people realize...and so goes the 'cycle of abuse'.

Thank you for being strong enough to share & for stopping the cycle, ~vxn~.

[~vxn~]

No, it's good to get it out sometimes.  Was your dad an alcoholic like mine?

absolutely.  not to mention the drugs (that he later got my mom hooked on too).  he even tried to get me to do a rail of coke with him when i was 10. 

wolfie, it's ok... i realized from a very early age that the only person who could really help me, was me.  (you know, chics dig a man with a utility belt... lol...)

thank you, sunny.    (no idea why today these wonderful things come back to haunt me... probably from looking at pix of little vxn and baby vxn... and wondering how the hell anyone could hurt an innocent child.)

[Exterminator]

absolutely.  not to mention the drugs (that he later got my mom hooked on too).  he even tried to get me to do a rail of coke with him when i was 10. 

You might consider ongoing counseling; we would all like to believe that we're strong enough to deal with these things ourselves...we were kids; that expectation might be less than reasonable.

[~vxn~]

i have accepted who i am and what my childhood made me.  i love myself (after all the years of not loving myself).  i know that it was wrong and that i wanted to raise my children the polar opposite.

i tried therapy.  the minute they started pushing the pills, i stopped going.  putting a medicinal bandage on the wound will not heal it.  pills aren't going to change it.

[Exterminator]

Yeah, I'm not sure when drugology instead of psychology became the panacea but we certainly have embraced it as a society, huh?  Of course, gof forbid you smoke a joint...

[followsthewolf]

The irony is flabbergasting.

[~vxn~]

yeah, the only "medicine" i ever needed (or thought i did at the time) was alcohol.  when i quit that i decided i wasn't going to take pills.  besides, drinking is probably safer.

[followsthewolf]

Possibly, but debatable.

Personally, I always found that when I tried to drink away the terrors, they were always there when I emptied the glass. They were waiting for me.

It was nice, though, to have a few hours away from them.

Time doesn't cure, but it helps.

[Henry Hawk]

vxn............I'm just boopin in here, and I am in no way tryin to preach, just askin a question.....did you ever go to church or try given God your heart?......I have been following along as much as possible, and I really haven't picked up on your religious views....

[Exterminator]

If you're looking for religion, I highly recommend checking out Pastafarianism: http://www.venganza.org/

May you be touched by his noodly appendage.

[followsthewolf]

How COULD I have forgotten about His/Her Holiness, The Flying Spaghetti Monster?

I am certainly going to overcooked pasta hell.

Oh, my.

[~vxn~]

i was raised strict catholic with catholic school until half way thru 10th grade.  i always wondered where the hell god was when my father was bloodying my face.  not to mention the torture i endured from other students and members of the church because i was different (crutches and knee surgeries much of my academic career).

i know where god is, he knows where i am.  we don't speak often.  i'm not angry at god, i just realized that his help wasn't helping at that time--or maybe it was... either way--i rely on myself... when something bad happens i don't say, "wow, jesus didn't answer my prayers."  i say, "guess i need to try harder."

oooh!  a noodly appendage!  that's almost as hot as a utility belt...

[followsthewolf]

~vxn~ posted:

"oooh!  a noodly appendage!  that's almost as hot as a utility belt..."


Multiple noodly appendages, to boot!   

[~vxn~]

can't beat that with a stick.