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Bass Player Jokes

Started by Bo D, September 09, 2011, 04:02:54 PM

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Bo D

September 09, 2011, 04:02:54 PM
This ....

Quote from: Exterminator on September 09, 2011, 01:56:33 PM
Anyone who's ever been in bands has a collection of jokes about all of the other musicians...especially drummers.   :biggrin:

http://theunknownzone.us/smf/index.php?topic=17903.msg413306#msg413306

inspired me ....


Why don't bass players tell blonde jokes?
They don't understand them.
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What do you throw a drowning bass player?
His Amp.
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What's the difference between a bass player and a pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
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How many Pop bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The keyboard player does it with his left hand.
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How many Reggae bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Light bulb? We spent da' money on ganja, mon!
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What's the hardest 3 years of a bass player's life?
Second Grade.
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How many Bassist jokes are there?
Just one -- all the rest are true!
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"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."  Carl Sagan

Bo D

#1
September 09, 2011, 04:05:03 PM

Q: Why are the bass player jokes always so short?
A: Because if they weren't, the singers wouldn't be able to understand them and the drummers wouldn't be able tell them.

:biggrin:
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."  Carl Sagan

Exterminator

#2
September 09, 2011, 04:10:58 PM
Q: What does a bass player use as contraception?
A: His personality!
Arguing with Christians is like playing chess with a pigeon.  No matter how good I am at chess, the pigeon is just going to knock over the pieces, shit on the board and strut around like it's victorious.

The truth is slow, but relentless. Over time it becomes irresistible.

Exterminator

#3
September 09, 2011, 04:15:12 PM
Not a bass player joke but...

A musician dies and goes to Heaven, where he is directed to the heavenly night club. He sees a wonderful room, capacious stage, and an all-time all-star group of musicians. Recognizing Dizzie Gillespie, he walks over and asks "How's the gig here?"

Diz says, "Well, you can see that the layout and the equipment is fine, we get fed gourmet food, the best wines and a little reefer to take the edge off."

"That sounds perfect," says the new guy.

"There's just one thing," Dizzy adds. "God's got this girlfriend who thinks she can sing...."
Arguing with Christians is like playing chess with a pigeon.  No matter how good I am at chess, the pigeon is just going to knock over the pieces, shit on the board and strut around like it's victorious.

The truth is slow, but relentless. Over time it becomes irresistible.

Exterminator

#4
September 09, 2011, 04:18:56 PM
During his first lesson the student was given four notes to practice on just the first string of his bass guitar. The next week he was given four more notes to practice on just the second string. After that, the student never returned for another lesson. A year later the teacher met him on the street. After exchanging pleasantries, the teacher asked: "Aren't you going to continue with your lessons?" "Oh yes, I've been meaning to," the student replied "but I just can't find the time. I've been getting so much work..."
Arguing with Christians is like playing chess with a pigeon.  No matter how good I am at chess, the pigeon is just going to knock over the pieces, shit on the board and strut around like it's victorious.

The truth is slow, but relentless. Over time it becomes irresistible.

Bo D

#5
September 09, 2011, 04:27:44 PM
For Ex .....

Two guys were walking down the street ...one was destitute...
the other was a guitar player as well...



Q: How do you get two lead guitarists to play in perfect unison?
A: Shoot one.


Q: What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise ..."
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."  Carl Sagan

Y

#6
September 12, 2011, 05:03:58 PM
BO!  Hawaya'!   :biggrin:

How many Bluegrass players does it take to change a light bulb?

Four - one to change the bulb and three to stand around and bitch about it being electric.

:biggrin:
©  Whamma-Jamma - all rights reserved

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.  ;)

"You've probably noticed that opinion pollsters go out of their way to include as many morons as possible in surveys ... I think it's dangerous to inform morons about what their fellow morons are thinking. It only reinforces their opinions. And the one thing worse than a moron with an opinion is lots of them." -- Scott Adams

In other words: Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.  ;)

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it." -- Upton Sinclair

"Hitler is gone, but if the majority of our fellow citizens are more susceptible to the slogans of fear and race hatred than to those of peaceful accommodation and mutual respect among human beings, our political liberties remain at the mercy of any eloquent and unscrupulous demagogue." -- S. I. Hayakawa

Bo D

#7
September 13, 2011, 08:59:24 AM
Quote from: Y on September 12, 2011, 05:03:58 PM
BO!  Hawaya'!   :biggrin:

How many Bluegrass players does it take to change a light bulb?

Four - one to change the bulb and three to stand around and bitch about it being electric.

:biggrin:

:biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."  Carl Sagan

Y

#8
September 14, 2011, 02:41:38 PM
 :biggrin:

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
   
None.  The piano player can do that with his left hand.
©  Whamma-Jamma - all rights reserved

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.  ;)

"You've probably noticed that opinion pollsters go out of their way to include as many morons as possible in surveys ... I think it's dangerous to inform morons about what their fellow morons are thinking. It only reinforces their opinions. And the one thing worse than a moron with an opinion is lots of them." -- Scott Adams

In other words: Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.  ;)

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it." -- Upton Sinclair

"Hitler is gone, but if the majority of our fellow citizens are more susceptible to the slogans of fear and race hatred than to those of peaceful accommodation and mutual respect among human beings, our political liberties remain at the mercy of any eloquent and unscrupulous demagogue." -- S. I. Hayakawa

Y

#9
September 14, 2011, 02:42:35 PM
Only real musicians will get this one...   :biggrin:

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

1...5...1... (1...4...5...5...1)

:rotfl:
©  Whamma-Jamma - all rights reserved

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.  ;)

"You've probably noticed that opinion pollsters go out of their way to include as many morons as possible in surveys ... I think it's dangerous to inform morons about what their fellow morons are thinking. It only reinforces their opinions. And the one thing worse than a moron with an opinion is lots of them." -- Scott Adams

In other words: Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.  ;)

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it." -- Upton Sinclair

"Hitler is gone, but if the majority of our fellow citizens are more susceptible to the slogans of fear and race hatred than to those of peaceful accommodation and mutual respect among human beings, our political liberties remain at the mercy of any eloquent and unscrupulous demagogue." -- S. I. Hayakawa
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