Random Comments (RH)

[Palehorse]

"Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in... I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting red-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT ... Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 -- No report.

[Purplelady1040]

Hahaha, PH!!

[libby]

Hahaha, PH!!

My eyes are watering, my nose is running, and I  can't stop laughing. That Judge # 3 is somethin' else. Ain't heard nobody talk like that since I left the holler in coal mining country where I grew up. 

(Thanks, PH. I really needed a good laugh!)

[Palehorse]

 

It's an old one but it made me laugh so hard I cried when I first read it. 

[Purplelady1040]

It's an old one but it made me laugh so hard I cried when I first read it. 

I needed a laugh also today. I have heard that one before also but it is always a funny one.

[The Troll]

       I know all about too hot of chili.      It hurts just as bad coming out.     

[Purplelady1040]

Working on the Christmas goodies this week to take to my brother's for Christmas. I was elected years ago to bring the desserts, so we have chocolate fudge, peanut butter fudge, peppermint bark, red velvet crinkle cookies, sugar cookies, gingerbread men, Oreo truffles and a coconut cake. This year I am not making a jam cake but a snowman sugar cookie and the coconut cake is shaped like a snowman also. Whew!!

[AbbyTC]

Working on the Christmas goodies this week to take to my brother's for Christmas. I was elected years ago to bring the desserts, so we have chocolate fudge, peanut butter fudge, peppermint bark, red velvet crinkle cookies, sugar cookies, gingerbread men, Oreo truffles and a coconut cake. This year I am not making a jam cake but a snowman sugar cookie and the coconut cake is shaped like a snowman also. Whew!!

Sounds yummy!  Are there a lot of people there?  That's a whole lot of desserts you're making.

[Purplelady1040]

Sounds yummy!  Are there a lot of people there?  That's a whole lot of desserts you're making.

There will be my Dad and step-mom, my three siblings and nieces and nephews plus some great nieces and nephews. Should be anywhere between 25-50 people. I generally make more than needed and leave them at my brother's!

[libby]

Looks like we're going to have a quite warm Christmas -- like in the 70s here ?? We had heavy fog this morning, then rain.  Not pouring but enough to make traffic a nightmare if it keeps up until people head home or out of town. Not complaining, though. I'm not ready for snow even though it does make Christmas look and feel kinda magical.  I always think of my father at Christmas. He loved it -- always managed to find enough money to buy gifts  at the comp'ne store for mom and his 5 girls, and delighted in decorating the Christmas tree. We used to have a set of lights that looked like bells.

[Palehorse]

Looks like we're going to have a quite warm Christmas -- like in the 70s here ?? We had heavy fog this morning, then rain.  Not pouring but enough to make traffic a nightmare if it keeps up until people head home or out of town. Not complaining, though. I'm not ready for snow even though it does make Christmas look and feel kinda magical.  I always think of my father at Christmas. He loved it -- always managed to find enough money to buy gifts  at the comp'ne store for mom and his 5 girls, and delighted in decorating the Christmas tree. We used to have a set of lights that looked like bells.

Same for Central Indiana; and those storm that just ripped through here are wicked to say the least. Straight line winds and rain so heavy I had to pull onto the shoulder because I could not see past the windshield! 

If that squall line makes it out to you, you had best stay put until they are past you! 

[Purplelady1040]

Merry Christmas to all in the upcoming days. I hope everyone gets what they want or need.

[Locutus]

[Palehorse]

You're making my brain hurt on Xmas! 

[Locutus]

It's the math degree in me.