Lester's Money Saving Tips

[Lester Sasquatch]

Home Dental Implants

Why pay thousands of dollars for a dentist to install one of those dental implant when you can easily install a 39 cent masonry screw yourself in the privacy of your own home? Yes, with tools that you probably already have lying around the house you can put one of those screws in yourself but it wouldn't hurt to get someone to help you for this simple procedure. Masonry screws come in various lengths, diameters, and an attractive blue color. For dental implant purposes I recommend the ¼ and 5/16 inch diameters and lengths from ¾ to 1-1/4 inch. Now let's get started and I will show you how to perform the simple task of installing the implant.

You will need a good amount of the liquid analgesic and antiseptic that can be readily found in the liquor store, commonly known by its street name - vodka. It is a good idea to keep a supply of vodka on hand at all times simply due to its multitude of uses. As an antiseptic, vodka knows no equal and kills germs and bacteria on contact. As a solvent you can use vodka to remove the gummy adhesive residue left over after removing tape and it takes off the marks left my magic markers too. Care must be taken when using vodka as an anesthesia though and I suggest that the individual performing the dental implant procedure on themselves to practice, or perform a "dry run", before attempting the installation. Once you find the happy medium to where pain is numbed yet you are still able to function, you are well on the road to successfully performing this money saving procedure. You will probably want to perform the procedure in your kitchen since there is more room that the bathroom and running water is readily available.

First off, if the old tooth is still in your mouth, it must be removed. If the tooth has already come out on its own you can skip this step. You will need a pair of good quality pliers, I prefer the locking models, I favor the Vicegrip brand myself, to pull out the tooth. Take the pliers and adjust them to where they grip the tooth firmly, wiggle it from side to side to help loosen it in the socket, then with great gusto pull that puppy out! Should the tooth be particularly stubborn a hammer can help by gently tapping on the underside of the pliers while applying firm pressure. Depending on the time it takes to remove the tooth, the patient may or may not require additional of the vodka analgesic. Now we are ready to begin the implant installation process. 

Or this you will need the following tools – A cordless drill, a drill bit 1/16 inch smaller than the masonry screw's diameter, a hex driver bit that fits the head of the screw, and of course the masonry implant screw itself. Please note that you must never use a drill that plugs into the wall socket due to the danger of electrical shock. Clean all of the tools with a liberal amount of the vodka antiseptic and lay on a clean towel beside you. Insert drill bit into the drill and carefully drill down through the socket where the implant will be installed to a minimum depth of the screw shank. Then remove the drill bit and insert the hex head driver. Now we are ready to install the dental implant. Make sure the drill has a freshly charged battery and, if your drill has the capability, put the drill on its slowest setting. Put the masonry screw implant into the hex driver where it will be held in place by a magnet and start screwing the implant in very SLOWLY! When the desired depth is reached, stop the drill. You have now successfully installed your dental implant and saved yourself thousands of dollars!

Optional Step – While your implant will work just fine without doing anything more, some people find the blue hex head unsightly and perform the optional cosmetic step that follows. Take the old tooth you previously removed and using a diamond cutoff wheel on your rotary tool, cut the tooth off where it used to meet the gum line. Then using a diamond burr in the rotary tool, remove enough material from the underside of the tooth to allow ample room for the hex head of the implant. Then mix up some epoxy glue, put a liberal amount inside the cavity you just ground out and put it over the hex head of the masonry screw. Then, taking care to wipe off the excess epoxy, bite down until the glue has time enough to set.

This dental procedure is just one of the many money saving tips I have come up with. The readers would be surprised at how much they can save performing simple medical and dental procedures in the privacy of their own homes. Besides dental implants, I have a procedure for liposuction where the patient can remove that unsightly belly fat using a wet vac and a modified hollow knitting needle. Another procedure that can be performed easily are breast implants using ziplock baggies and a caulk gun. I hope to write these procedures down in other posts soon so check back for more. With these difficult economic times, I feel it is my civic duty to help my fellow forum members save their hard earned money.

[Palehorse]

Holy hell Lester!

I am hurting just looking at the diagram of this procedure! 

[Lester Sasquatch]

Holy hell Lester!

I am hurting just looking at the diagram of this procedure! 

Palehorse, from reading your post it sounds like you need to consume some liquid analgesic to stop the pain!

[Lester Sasquatch]

Getting rid of Trash

Due to lower than expected tax revenue, many cities have begun to charge for trash pickup. Some municipalities charge a monthly fee while others place a charge on each trash bag to be picked up. Additional charges are made for the older tube type televisions and CRT computer monitors and some towns refuse to pick up old paint cans that still have paint in them. In these trying times with unemployment running rampant every penny saved counts when budgeting each month so I have come up with a novel way of getting rid of trash. You will find that Lester's method  is easy and works almost every time.

First go to your local Wal-Mart or high end electronics store and get an empty box that was used to package a valuable item. Personally I find that boxes that were used for computers work very good but I imagine those that held other household appliances like a microwave would do the trick. Take your old TV, paint cans, computer monitor, or whatever and place it inside the box. You might need to use something to act as a filler, like those foam peanuts or even old newspapers to put around the thing you plan to discard. Please note that you need to close the box back up with clear packing tape because duct or masking tape will make your package look suspicious. Then put the box in back of your truck, or in the back seat of your car and go to a mall or Walmart and part in the back aisle away from the high pedestrian traffic areas. Sometimes it might take an hour but usually much less before someone with little personal integrity and low ethical standards will spot your box and take it off your hands.

If you do not have a car but live in the city you can put the box on your front porch for pickup by your local neighborhood thief but I would do this only as a last resort. An individual that has such low moral character that they would stoop to thievery might have no problem returning to your house and vandalize it in some way.

I can give a personal account of how well this procedure works. It has been many years ago but one time I helped an man I knew carry a very heavy TV set up the 4 flights of steps to his attic apartment. By the time we got up to his front door we were all worn out. We took his old TV, put it in the box that his new TV came in, and set it outside his door grumbling between ourselves about taking it back down to the street for trash pickup. Just then we heard the downstairs neighbor open his door, a man who had just made bail for breaking and entering. My acquaintance then said, in a louder than necessarily voice, "I will unhook the old TV tonight, there's not room enough to bring it inside. No one but me ever comes up these steps so it will be safe right outside the door overnight." We didn't even tape the box shut and the next morning the box with the old TV had mysteriously disappeared! A few days later I was driving out to the river bottoms and came up behind the burglar's truck. In the pickup bed was that a box that looked exactly like the one we put the old TV in. Coincidence? I think not.

[followsthewolf]

That's how I get rid of all the zucchini overrun from the garden.

[Palehorse]

That's how I get rid of all the zucchini overrun from the garden.

If yah lived closer I'd say send it my way! 

[LOsborne]

My cousin, who lives in New York, told me that during the garbage men's strike, he used to gift-wrap his trash and leave it in the back seat. He never had to drive it home.