Welcome Humans!

[Lester Sasquatch]

Lester's Lounge

Welcome to My Neck of the Woods!

Where no one should be afraid of the dark!

Welcome my friends! My name is Lester Sasquatch and I live in the remote hills of Martin County, Indiana. Not far from my front door is the mysterious Lost River that comes out of nowhere and, after flowing just a few miles, disappears abruptly under the ground. Martin County is not known for much, the Crane Naval Weapons Center and high quality moonshine is about all. Well, I guess that new game farm where the owners charge the big bucks so folks can shoot a tame elk is something unusual but I would rather we not be known for it.

I do not want to give out my age for security purposes but let's just say my hair is no longer solid brown as the increasing number of gray hairs are becoming prevalent. I live with my wife and two Chihuahua dogs as the kids have long since married and started their own families. Like most Bigfoots, I am not highly educated but have read a few books that I tried to glean important information from. As you may expect, Bigfoot is a monogamous creature and we generally mate for life. Now divorce is not unheard of amongst Bigfoot but it is certainly not as frequent as it is among humans. Bigfoot abhors thieves and liars, which is one reason we can't stand politicians.

Bigfoot is a friend to all creatures of the forest and only resorts to violence when in fear for his life. There is one exception and that is the Chupacabra, Bigfoot's arch enemy. If not for Bigfoot the country would be overrun by the Chupacabra, a manipulative creature that kills for sport. Many people are unaware that the Chupacabra is not native to this planet but a pet of the Extraterrestrial Life Form better known as the grey or reptilian. Many years ago, before the dawn of carbonated beverages, a pair of Chupacabras escaped from a reptilian spacecraft while scouting southern Mexico for valuable resources long since depleted from their home planet. These Chupacabras, with their short gestation period, quickly propagated and migrated north in search of warm blooded mammals and their food of choice, fresh blood. While Bigfoot has greatly reduced the Chupacabra population the danger is still there and we will not rest until they are extinct.

Bigfoot takes great interest in the paranormal and can communicate amongst ourselves using telepathy. While to the casual observer this may seem like a great thing, it can lead to problems. But being able to read each others minds is one reason Bigfoot never practices infidelity. When a Bigfoot looks at a female with lust in his heart, his wife knows immediately. This leads me to my next Bigfoot fact, while incidents of domestic violence among my species is rare, it does occur. Usually perpetrated by the female spouse against her husband. There are homosexual Bigfoots but they are very rare. They are easily recognized by the way they dress, usually sporting a hat with a large floppy brim
and a shirt with a floral pattern. Like all creatures of the forest, Bigfoot is a natural nudist and is not inhibited by walking around or seeing others naked.

Like anything else a human cannot understand, many find Bigfoot very scary. We use that to our benefit even though it is not true. We enjoy having a good time and Bigfoot can bring life to an otherwise dull party. While we enjoy singing karaoke, generally we are very poor dancers and tend to break things when we try. Bigfoot also enjoys alcohol in moderation, some of us can become mean when drunk and, due to our unusual strength, sometimes end up tearing the limbs off of bullies that challenge us to a fight. But we always try to stick them back on and, even though we are never successful, it is the though that counts. For the most part we are vegetarians occasionally we eat fresh meat or a fish or two but we never let food go to waste and, if we kill something we feel obligated to eat it. Of course again we have the exception of the Chupacabra. If only humans were forced to eat everything they killed I really believe there would be fewer wars.

That's about it. I hope the readers have a better understanding of Bigfoot now and the next time they read one of those trashy tabloid stories claiming we killed a human or made them our sex slave you will know they are all lies. That is another thing about Bigfoot, we might on occasion embellish the truth but we never out-and-out lie, it is against our nature. The next time you run into Bigfoot and think about lying to him, just remember he can read your mind!

[Locutus]

Lost River??  There must be some caves in your neck of the woods then. 

[Lester Sasquatch]

Lost River??  There must be some caves in your neck of the woods then.

Yeah, there are quite a few with all the limestone formations. Really the Lost River is more of a big creek. Downriver from Shoals there are bluffs  along the White River with many caves. One that someone uses for a cabin. There is a story about a cave that is only accessible when the river is really low where some Indians hid a cache of gold. Some say it was buried.
http://rking.vinu.edu/harold.htm

Back in my younger days I made quite a stir when that highway worker saw me.

[Locutus]

I just looked up the Lost River on Wikipedia and I see where it flows into the East Fork of the White River as a tributary, but it says nothing of the origins of the river.  I guess it just emerges from underground somewhere and that's it's origin. 

[Sandy Eggo]

Welcome to the neighborhood, Lester. You know, people who hang out with chicken hawks, wolves, horses, questionable waffles and even trolls ...would never mind adding a bigfoot.

[Lester Sasquatch]

I just looked up the Lost River on Wikipedia and I see where it flows into the East Fork of the White River as a tributary, but it says nothing of the origins of the river.  I guess it just emerges from underground somewhere and that's it's origin.

Yeah, its a strange river all right. Comes out of the ground then in dry weather disappears in some places. There's some really strange places that were taken by the government from dirt poor farmers and made into Crane Weapons Base. You can't even sneak in there now days with there infrared intrusion detection system. They have bunkers that they've forgotten about in that place. Then there's Pandanoram, the commune where the good times roll. You best be careful sneaking around that part of the woods, there's been some went in and never come out. I got my ass shot with rock salt about 30 years ago because someone told me all the young pretty women walked around naked. I never got close enough to find out.

[Lester Sasquatch]

Welcome to the neighborhood, Lester. You know, people who hang out with chicken hawks, wolves, horses, questionable waffles and even trolls ...would never mind adding a bigfoot.

Thanks for the welcome Miss Sandy! I'm not afraid of Trolls now that I read this on wikipedia:

Later, in Scandinavian folklore, trolls become defined as a particular beings, generally held to be larger than humans and notably ugly.[2]  Numerous tales about trolls are recorded, in which they are frequently described as being extremely old, very strong, but slow and dim-witted.

[Mr442]

Glad to see you got it worked out, and now have a spot of your own.

Enjoy!

[Palehorse]

Welcome to the insanity that is us! 

[Sandy Eggo]

Speak for yourself! I'm sane!...Right?...Yep, we're sane...see!

[Lester Sasquatch]

One sure sign of insanity is that the afflicted person will steadfastly deny they are crazy. So if you think you're crazy, it means you're not but if you think you're sane you should seek professional help immediately!

[Sandy Eggo]

I've always thought that there's a very fine line between sanity and insanity and at various times in my life thought that I'd relish the freedom I'd feel if I stepped over.

[Lester Sasquatch]

Become a Bigfoot Expert

Are you interested in Bigfoot? Do you wish there was an easy way to detect another person with your interest in Bigfoot out of a crowd? Are you aware that no University or College offers an accredited degree in Sasquatchology? Well friends, I have a solution!

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Prof. Von Munster

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Dr. Sam Smith

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[Lester Sasquatch]

A farmer who lives right down the road from me suddenly began exhibiting symptoms of being a werewolf! His name is Tunt McPoot in case some of the readers know him and should be careful if they visit his house. People always ask how Tunt got his name. Well, Tunt was the biggest of a set of twins his mom gave birth to. The smallest McPoot was named Runt, so naturally Tunt was a good choice for the other child. Anyway I called my personal psychic, Maurice, who told me something I was not aware of. Did you know what causes someone to become a werewolf, besides being bitten by another werewolf of course (everybody knows about that)? It seem that reading books about wolves will cause the reader to become a werewolf. Now I don't think news articles count so you can read all of them you want. But to be safe Maurice tells me a person should read no more than one book about wolves a week. I just thought I would pass the word. I would hate any of the readers here to become one of those nasty werewolves.

So far Tunt McPoot hasn't killed any humans but he did get into the turkey barn across the road and killed about 100 turkeys. Fortunately I have completely chupacabra proofed my house and any house this safe can withstand repeated attempts at entry by a mere werewolf. The price of silver hit more than $27 per ounce so I am only casting about 5 bullets.

Tunt McPoot shown at a football game