(http://www.digistash.com/data/0d7363894acdee742caf7fe4e97c4d49/7605_p115545.jpg)
is that a burlap straight jacket????
regardless.....you make it work... ;)
lmfao... no it isn't, i wish i had one though.... it's a thermal i have stolen from my victim's closet...
So do I. :yes:
What a great picture, ~vxn~...you look somewhat lost in this photo...almost childlike. It's very expressive, nonetheless. :smile:
ty, sunny.
Quote from: SunnyInFL on January 09, 2007, 02:12:33 PM
What a great picture, ~vxn~...you look somewhat lost in this photo...almost childlike. It's very expressive, nonetheless. :smile:
I think she has a 'come hither' look but maybe that's because that's what I
want to see. :devil1:
i always look like i want it. lol.... that's because i can't actually get it.... :icon_evil:
You are a lovely subject vxn. Do you take the pictures of yourself? or is there another photographer?
ty, mojo...
my primary photographer has been busy, so i do my own now. which is not always convenient for semi-clothed... or sans apparel shots (hard to get the right angle when you're not looking through the viewfinder or at the pic screen).
Quote from: ~vxn~ on January 09, 2007, 03:48:03 PM
my primary photographer has been busy...
Allow me to offer my services... :wink:
i'll call you next time i'm in jeffersonville, indiana...lol...
Where's Jeffersonville? I'm in Indianapolis.
it's not far from you.
I should probably know that, huh? :biggrin:
considering the geography, yes. lol... my aunt lvies there.... i think it's a 9 hour drive from here...
Yeah, you're pretty far up there.
Now I know where Jeffersonville is (google maps...fancy that).
yeah... it's a distance...
what the hell is wrong with my face? i blame my health for sh!tty pix, maybe it's just my sh!tty face i should blame... (laughing so hard at that.... lol... wtf... lolololol.... i need to lay off the sauce...)
(http://www.digistash.com/data/0d7363894acdee742caf7fe4e97c4d49/7605_p115544.jpg)
Are you fishing for compliments? :wink:
ya got no eyebrows.
Quote from: Exterminator on January 09, 2007, 06:03:41 PM
Now I know where Jeffersonville is (google maps...fancy that).
Hey that's the next town over from where I grew up!
Quote from: Exterminator on January 09, 2007, 09:58:28 PM
Are you fishing for compliments? :wink:
not in the least... just unhappy at the photos i've taken recently... i've been ill--so i blame that.
Quote from: ~Daisy~ on January 10, 2007, 11:35:35 AM
Hey that's the next town over from where I grew up!
i haven't had the pleasure of visiting that area since 1992.
(thankx for noticing awol! lol.... you have such an eye for detail...)
I haven't been to Jeff since 1986. But I visit New Albany fairly frequently!
i never leave my state any more. :(
baby vxn:
(http://www.digistash.com/data/0d7363894acdee742caf7fe4e97c4d49/6787_p115587.jpg)
two of my cousins i haven't seen since i was 10. little vxn, reading a book:
(http://www.digistash.com/data/0d7363894acdee742caf7fe4e97c4d49/6787_p115588.jpg)
the acts of domestic slavery at 6 years old... (notice the permanent tan... that is what's wrong with my recent photos...)
(http://www.digistash.com/data/0d7363894acdee742caf7fe4e97c4d49/6787_p115590.jpg)
me and my favorite cousin... when i was 7
(http://www.digistash.com/data/0d7363894acdee742caf7fe4e97c4d49/6787_p115589.jpg)
notes to myself... perhaps another book, or something to educate--public speaking....
a thought. while looking at myself in photos... the evolution...
as much of the horrors of my childhood that i remember--there are many things that i have locked away in my mind.
i remember that my father and i would sometimes watch "saturday nightmares" on USA network when i was little... my sister was too scared. it was our thing. i'd wait for him to get home to eat dinner with him, he wouldn't show up until breakfast--so we'd eat count chocula together. i always thought that i could make him love me enough to stop hurting me. it never worked.
i remember that the love of horror started as abuse that became a driving force. my father thought it would be funny to force (yes, literally) my sister and i to watch the scariest movies possible and then make us go to the dark basement and tell us that whatever evil on the screen we just saw was waiting in the basement--waiting for us. it worked on my poor sister. not me, i started thinking, "well, if freddy krueger is down there, he'll kill me and make it stop. nothing he could do would be worse than my life."
i remember that my parents in the same year: my mother told me to eat shit and die and my father told me to go to hell. (go to hell was the horror of all horrors, being raised in a strict roman catholic home--not that eat shit and die was a better thing to say to a kid...)
i remember being four years old and not longer after, my father dislocated and broke my shoulder. looking in the knife drawer and thinking that if i stabbed my father while he was asleep, i might have a shot at killing him and that if my mom tried to stop me that i would have to kill her too. i thought better of it and realized it would be easier to just kill myself--but who would protect my little sister?
i remember wanting to tell my grandfather all that was going on, but my father threatened to have him killed. i ever ruined a plan he made with some friend of his. he told the guy to kill him and make it look like a botched robbery. my mother was right there and heard the whole thing, too--but it was me who yelled, "don't you talk about my grampy that way! i'll tell, i'll tell!" fove minutes later my father shoved me out of the car onto the curb and took my sister for ice cream. when they got back he made her eat it in front of me--she cried, i think it hurt her more than it did me. she asked if i wanted a lick--he beat her.
i remeber after my brothers were born and my father slammed my baby brother off the crib rail. (he was a preemie) i remember my father shooting at me with a bb gun. i remeber target shooting with him and his dad. (i was a better shot than both--and i still am.)
i remember blood, i remember beatings, i remember screaming, i remember watching my father break my mother's face in a car door and her wrist. i remember her doing nothing to change the situation until my father and she separated and he threatened to take us from her by proving she was insane. (and sweet jesus, was she ever.) i remember leaving my grandfather's house and being so scared that my father would have someone kill the only person who ever loved me.
i remember violence being the only place that made me feel safe as an adolescent. picking fights i knew i'd probably lose. breaking knuckles on someone's face. i remember stopping. i remember drinking--which calmed me, but made me more dangerous and less likely to stop myself from doing very unkind things to humanity.
i remember building a house with my grandfather. i remember grampy laughing at my ability to climb a thousand feet in the air but not be able to climb down 15 feet and teasing me that he's call the fire department if i wasn't down by dinner. i put most of the roof on, some walls up, flooring... you name it. i loved construction--or maybe i just loved that time with my grandfather. i remember "killing" the nails--that method won't drive them in--rather send them sailing into the distance. my grandfather could get a nail in in two hits, i never could... i'd often hear: "stop trying to kill the nail, gently. *you did get some good distance on that one, though*"
i remember wanting to be a better parent than mine were. i remember grampy helping me with that. he really was the only person who could ever talk to me. no one else's opinion mattered a rat's ass to me.
i remember things so vile that i dare not post them in open public for anyone to see. they stay here in the dark, they stay here with me.
remember kids, there are abused WIVES and GIRLFRIENDS but there is no such thing as an abused MOTHER. once you become a parent and let that go on, even if he isn't physically hurting the children--YOU ARE JUST AS GUILTY.
sorry for rambling.
No, it's good to get it out sometimes. Was your dad an alcoholic like mine?
Makes me grateful for my mom and dad.
And that, occasionally, as a police officer, I could put an end to some of that.
Sorry I couldn't help you, ~vxn~.
Quote from: Exterminator on January 15, 2007, 02:30:36 PM
No, it's good to get it out sometimes.
So true. It happens a lot more than people realize...and so goes the 'cycle of abuse'.
Thank you for being strong enough to share & for stopping the cycle, ~vxn~.
Quote from: Exterminator on January 15, 2007, 02:30:36 PM
No, it's good to get it out sometimes. Was your dad an alcoholic like mine?
absolutely. not to mention the drugs (that he later got my mom hooked on too). he even tried to get me to do a rail of coke with him when i was 10.
wolfie, it's ok... i realized from a very early age that the only person who could really help me, was me. (you know, chics dig a man with a utility belt... lol...)
thank you, sunny. (no idea why today these wonderful things come back to haunt me... probably from looking at pix of little vxn and baby vxn... and wondering how the hell anyone could hurt an innocent child.)
Quote from: ~vxn~ on January 15, 2007, 04:12:57 PM
absolutely. not to mention the drugs (that he later got my mom hooked on too). he even tried to get me to do a rail of coke with him when i was 10.
You might consider ongoing counseling; we would all like to believe that we're strong enough to deal with these things ourselves...we were kids; that expectation might be less than reasonable.
i have accepted who i am and what my childhood made me. i love myself (after all the years of not loving myself). i know that it was wrong and that i wanted to raise my children the polar opposite.
i tried therapy. the minute they started pushing the pills, i stopped going. putting a medicinal bandage on the wound will not heal it. pills aren't going to change it.
Yeah, I'm not sure when drugology instead of psychology became the panacea but we certainly have embraced it as a society, huh? Of course, gof forbid you smoke a joint...
The irony is flabbergasting.
yeah, the only "medicine" i ever needed (or thought i did at the time) was alcohol. when i quit that i decided i wasn't going to take pills. besides, drinking is probably safer.
Possibly, but debatable.
Personally, I always found that when I tried to drink away the terrors, they were always there when I emptied the glass. They were waiting for me.
It was nice, though, to have a few hours away from them.
Time doesn't cure, but it helps.
vxn............I'm just boopin in here, and I am in no way tryin to preach, just askin a question.....did you ever go to church or try given God your heart?......I have been following along as much as possible, and I really haven't picked up on your religious views.... :)
If you're looking for religion, I highly recommend checking out Pastafarianism: http://www.venganza.org/
May you be touched by his noodly appendage.
How COULD I have forgotten about His/Her Holiness, The Flying Spaghetti Monster?
I am certainly going to overcooked pasta hell.
Oh, my.
i was raised strict catholic with catholic school until half way thru 10th grade. i always wondered where the hell god was when my father was bloodying my face. not to mention the torture i endured from other students and members of the church because i was different (crutches and knee surgeries much of my academic career).
i know where god is, he knows where i am. we don't speak often. i'm not angry at god, i just realized that his help wasn't helping at that time--or maybe it was... either way--i rely on myself... when something bad happens i don't say, "wow, jesus didn't answer my prayers." i say, "guess i need to try harder."
oooh! a noodly appendage! that's almost as hot as a utility belt...
~vxn~ posted:
"oooh! a noodly appendage! that's almost as hot as a utility belt..."
Multiple noodly appendages, to boot! :biggrin:
can't beat that with a stick.
Actually, I'm pretty sure you can (unless you like 'em noodly).
RAmen.
Wow...I just cannot believe how crappy and mean some parents are. I had such a normal, boring childhood. My husband, on the other hand, lived a complete opposite, much more like yours, vxn. I've heard some of his stories and they just make me think WTF is wrong with people? I'm afraid to even raise my voice at my kids in front of him, for fear I'll trigger some repressed memory for him.
He's told me a lot more of his stories as time has gone on...and I've encouraged him to write them down. He's hidden many of them away and when they sneak up to remind him, they really bother him. I've seen him go in to some very scary, dark places inside.
I bought him the book "Running with Scissors," unsure if it was a wise decision. It could go one of two ways: It could be helpful for him to see that he wasn't alone in his miserable youth, OR it could send him off to that dark place. Luckily it seems to so far be a good thing for him.
And what's worse is, what do you say to that? I'm sorry you had a bad childhood? It doesn't seem genuine, when in fact it is. I'm sorry you and so many others had sucky parents.
That's a nice way to put it, Daisy...afterall, we didn't choose who are parents were...or did we?
A similar tragic book about child abuse is, "A Child Called "It": One Child's Courage to Survive" by Dave Pelzer.
It really puts things into perspective.
Quote from: SunnyInFL on January 17, 2007, 04:10:30 PM
That's a nice way to put it, Daisy...afterall, we didn't choose who are parents were...or did we?
A similar tragic book about child abuse is, "A Child Called "It": One Child's Courage to Survive" by Dave Pelzer.
It really puts things into perspective.
I couldn't finish it. :no:
It is pretty explicit...pulls at your heartstrings...I believe he wrote other(s) after it, as well.
Hmm, sounds like something I might pre-read and if its good I'll give it to Aaron. I was hesitant to even let him read Running with Scissors.
Quote from: Exterminator on January 15, 2007, 08:23:43 PM
My dad was just a drunk who'd beat up the whole family when he was on a roll. I was in accelerated classes in school so his reasoning for hitting me went something like, "And you...you think you're so smart..." My mom worked as a nurse's aide and I don't even know how many times I saw her face bloodied and the front of yet another uniform shirt ruined. Of course, he was always apologetic the next day...
Statistically, I should be like him but I chose to be the end to that cycle...I have never nor would I strike a woman and have no patience for those who would.
The last time I saw him was in a bar where my girlfriend at the time was a bartender. It was New Years and I was there with friends. He passed out and fell off of his bar stool. I helped him to a cab and sent him home...turned out his neck was broken from the fall. We never spoke again.
That girlfriend I lived with for many years; her father was also an abuser but he didn't even have alcohol as an excuse. He shocked his children with a TV tube tester and used them for his sexual gratification. I suspected for years what she had been through but she tried to repress it for the longest time. Even when it surfaced, she was unwilling to undergo counseling for any length of time since that required admitting to and reliving the abuse. It's a truly ugly part of the human condition...
You might consider ongoing counseling; we would all like to believe that we're strong enough to deal with these things ourselves...we were kids; that expectation might be less than reasonable.
Exterminator, I have a whole new respect for you after reading this post.
Thanks but being a victim of an abusive father doesn't make me a hero any more than growing up in a succession of foster homes makes me a good prospect in a long term relationship.
Quote from: Exterminator on January 22, 2007, 06:22:41 PM
Thanks but being a victim of an abusive father doesn't make me a hero any more than growing up in a succession of foster homes makes me a good prospect in a long term relationship.
it gives you the potential to be though.
be a better man than he was.
it gets me through.
Quote from: awol on January 22, 2007, 06:30:22 PM
it gives you the potential to be though.
be a better man than he was.
Also no great accomplishment when the bar is set so low.
there are many ppl who have not been as fortunate as some when it comes to surviving this type of thing. not to mention that it is a vicious cycle--and one that is not always easy to break.
though--the experience does build character....
Quote from: ~vxn~ on January 22, 2007, 08:11:46 PM
though--the experience does build characters....
FTFY! (fixed this for you!) :biggrin:
lmfao.... way to go.... lol...
Quote from: ~vxn~ on January 09, 2007, 09:11:09 PM
what the hell is wrong with my face? i blame my health for sh!tty pix, maybe it's just my sh!tty face i should blame... (laughing so hard at that.... lol... wtf... lolololol.... i need to lay off the sauce...)
(http://www.digistash.com/data/0d7363894acdee742caf7fe4e97c4d49/7605_p115544.jpg)
To be quite honest I like the pic. It shows a little playful with a twist of I dare you to try and handle me. Good job. :smile:
Quote from: ~vxn~ on January 09, 2007, 01:32:25 PM
(http://www.digistash.com/data/0d7363894acdee742caf7fe4e97c4d49/7605_p115545.jpg)
This pick should be on the cover of a magazine. It's pretty. :smile:
Quote from: awol on January 10, 2007, 06:02:34 AM
ya got no eyebrows.
Yes she does,it's a female thang. :wink:
Quote from: ~vxn~ on January 10, 2007, 04:02:40 PM
not in the least... just unhappy at the photos i've taken recently... i've been ill--so i blame that.
ill? Hmmm guess I didn't see that. You are very thin,but you look healthy. Hope you get better.
Quote from: American_Woman on February 20, 2007, 06:49:31 PM
Yes she does,it's a female thang. :wink:
lol... ;) the boys just don't get it...
(p.s. ty american woman...)
Quote from: ~vxn~ on February 20, 2007, 08:58:35 PM
(p.s. ty american woman...)
Girl I am not playing and YW! You really should continue your books and possibly take up some modeling.
Dang! Gonna be a rich girl! :yes:
that would be nice. lol.... don't need millions... just need enough.