NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - In the wake of his comments about the earthquake in Haiti, televangelist Pat Robertson has become a "public relations nightmare" and a "gynormous embarrassment to me, personally," God said today.
In a rare press conference at the Grand Hyatt in New York City, the usually reclusive Almighty said that He was taking the unusual step of airing His feelings in public because "enough is enough."
"I pray that his TV show would just go away, but of course, when you're me there's no one to pray to," God said, to the laughter of the packed room of reporters.
While God held out no hope that Rev. Robertson's "700 Club" would be cancelled any time soon, He did say, somewhat ruefully, "If Pat Robertson were on NBC he'd be replaced by Jay Leno by now."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andy-borowitz/pat-robertson-a-public-re_b_423524.html
:rotfl:
Hilarious!
:rotfl:
Sadly, though, his "show" will remain on tv, providing wisdom for the masses.
Quote from: followsthewolf on January 14, 2010, 07:12:44 PM
Sadly, though, his "show" will remain on tv, providing wisdom for the masses.
And thankfully my mom no longer sends him money.
Quote from: me on January 14, 2010, 07:16:02 PM
And thankfully my mom no longer sends him money.
The Haitians are 80 percent catholic (which CNN continues to play up, hopefully in an attempt to break loose some treasure hoarded at the vatican), so they really are cursed by the devil :angel:
Quote from: followsthewolf on January 14, 2010, 07:12:44 PM
Sadly, though, his "show" will remain on tv, providing wisdom for the masses.
Sadly, you're right. These nutjobs always seem to have a willing audience who saunter up for their daily dose of tripe.
(http://www.clevelandleader.com/files/patrobertsonevil.JPG)
:rotfl:
Quote from: Locutus on January 15, 2010, 01:53:55 PM
(http://www.clevelandleader.com/files/patrobertsonevil.JPG)
:rotfl:
you need a hobby... :razz: :biggrin:
Oh, I certainly don't need a hobby. I can't claim that fine piece of work as being my own.
Someone else came up with that. I just borrowed it. :biggrin:
Quote from: Locutus on January 15, 2010, 02:17:18 PM
Oh, I certainly don't need a hobby. I can't claim that fine piece of work as being my own.
Someone else came up with that. I just borrowed it. :biggrin:
Hank doesn't get it, but he and Pat are an embarrassment to the US.
Paris – It took about five nanoseconds for evangelical Pat Robertson's video verdict on the causes of the Haiti earthquake to start making the rounds in France.
Mr. Robertson's theory that Haitian slaves made a "pact with the devil" 200 years ago in order to free themselves from the hated clutches of Napoleon Bonaparte's regime – resulting in a curse that led to the destruction of much of Port-au-Prince and a massive loss of life in Tuesday's earthquake – got the usual chuckles of disbelief among local intelligentsia about American culture.
Quote from: dan foster on January 15, 2010, 07:44:26 PM
Hank doesn't get it, but he and Pat are an embarrassment to the US.
Paris – It took about five nanoseconds for evangelical Pat Robertson's video verdict on the causes of the Haiti earthquake to start making the rounds in France.
Mr. Robertson's theory that Haitian slaves made a "pact with the devil" 200 years ago in order to free themselves from the hated clutches of Napoleon Bonaparte's regime – resulting in a curse that led to the destruction of much of Port-au-Prince and a massive loss of life in Tuesday's earthquake – got the usual chuckles of disbelief among local intelligentsia about American culture.
What is wrong with that man anyway? It's sad to think that some people hang on his every word.
Quote from: dan foster on January 15, 2010, 07:44:26 PM
Hank doesn't get it, but he and Pat are an embarrassment to the US.
Paris – It took about five nanoseconds for evangelical Pat Robertson's video verdict on the causes of the Haiti earthquake to start making the rounds in France.
Mr. Robertson's theory that Haitian slaves made a "pact with the devil" 200 years ago in order to free themselves from the hated clutches of Napoleon Bonaparte's regime – resulting in a curse that led to the destruction of much of Port-au-Prince and a massive loss of life in Tuesday's earthquake – got the usual chuckles of disbelief among local intelligentsia about American culture.
It's sad that the religious nuts don't realize how this country is laughed at due the baffling hegemony of the religious right. Even more sad is that that they're too dumb to care.
Quote from: dan foster on January 15, 2010, 07:44:26 PM
Hank doesn't get it, but he and Pat are an embarrassment to the US.
and what exactly don't I get douche' bag?
QuoteThe Minneapolis Star-Tribune published a letter from Satan to evangelist Pat Robertson, responding to his comment that Haiti's persistent troubles, including the earthquake, are due to a pact the nation made with Mephistopheles.
Actually, it wasn't Satan who wrote the letter but Lilly Coyle of Minneapolis writing in the persona of the hellish one.
I think she got it down pretty well. What say you?
Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.
But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.
Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?
If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.
You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
Best, Satan
LILY COYLE, MINNEAPOLIS[/quote
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/4J1DjL/www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2010/01/the_devil_writes_pat_robertson.html?ft=1&f=103943429/r:t
Great letter.
Thanks, waffle girl.
I guess I had better stop getting on my students about using the word gynormous if the big man himself uses it! :biggrin:
Quote from: Sandy Eggo on January 16, 2010, 06:45:48 AM
QuoteThe Minneapolis Star-Tribune published a letter from Satan to evangelist Pat Robertson, responding to his comment that Haiti's persistent troubles, including the earthquake, are due to a pact the nation made with Mephistopheles.
Actually, it wasn't Satan who wrote the letter but Lilly Coyle of Minneapolis writing in the persona of the hellish one.
I think she got it down pretty well. What say you?
Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.
But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.
Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?
If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.
You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
Best, Satan
LILY COYLE, MINNEAPOLIS[/quote
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/4J1DjL/www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2010/01/the_devil_writes_pat_robertson.html?ft=1&f=103943429/r:t
"Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. "
You left out "their own christian television network" :icon_twisted:
The 10 Stupidest Things Pat Robertson Ever Said (http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/funnyquotes/a/patrobertson.htm)
10. "Lord, give us righteous judges who will not try to legislate and dominate this society. Take control, Lord! We ask for additional vacancies on the court." –Pat Robertson
9. "Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history." –Pat Robertson
8. "I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you, This is not a message of hate -- this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It'll bring about terrorist bombs; it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor." –Pat Robertson, on "gay days" at Disneyworld
7. "(T)he feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." –Pat Robertson
6. "I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period." –Pat Robertson
5. "I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city. And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for his help because he might not be there." --Pat Robertson, after the city of Dover, Pennsylvania voted to boot the current school board, which instituted an intelligent design policy that led to a federal trial
4. "God considers this land to be his. You read the Bible and he says 'This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, 'No, this is mine.' ... He was dividing God's land. And I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the E.U., the United Nations, or the United States of America.' God says, 'This land belongs to me. You better leave it alone.'" --Pat Robertson, on why Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a massive stroke
3. "Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up" –Pat Robertson, on nuking the State Department
2. "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with." –Pat Robertson, calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez
1. "It may be a blessing in disguise. ... Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other." –Pat Robertson, on the earthquake in Haiti that destroyed the capital and killed tens of thousands of people, Jan. 13, 2010
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
If you are looking for an argument from me to defend this guy....then you will be waiting a LONG time... :razz:
Oh I know HH. I wasn't expecting you to defend him. I know you're smarter than that. :yes: ;D
it is very sad that such a demented human being is allowed any publicity. he is a fool. sadly, there are people in haiti that will hear this, after losing entire families and communities of friends in that tragedy there. what a horrible representation of any religious group.
What a waste of carbon and water! :rant:
(http://i50.tinypic.com/4kgvs.jpg)
Haiti, I thought we had a deal.
:rotfl:
:biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: