My Dad

[Bo D]

   Henry, my dad passed when he was 91.  He had been ready to go for two years.  When the time for his trip into the unknown I called Hospice and they came in and relieved him of his pain and he went in his sleep.   

  My wife had the same thing happen to her mother and she called Hospice and they really helped my mother-in-law pass  peacefully.   

  I had a close friend who had Cancer and was in great pain his wife call Hospice and they help Pat to  pass peacefully.  In fact the last day we were sitting at his kitchen table eating some Church's chicken which I brought him knowing how he loved it.  As we sat there I asked him how longer did he have.  He told me that his Hospice lady told him that he had no more that 2 days to live.  He said he asked her how she knew.  She said that she have been with Hospice for overs 15 years and she knew what the signs were.  We left when the rest of his family came in, telling I would be back tomorrow.  But tomorrow never came, he died that night in his sleep at 2AM in bed with his beloved wife.  My wife and I think Hospice is the thing for anyone to do when a loved one is in his last days.  Good Luck, The Troll.

I totally agree with you! When my dad was near his end, Hospice came in and they were wonderful. It helps the whole family.

[Henry Hawk]

Again, I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers.....

We are talking our options this afternoon with St. V health adviser.  I don't believe he is ready for hospice.  He is still going fairly strong.  But, trying our best to keep him from a nursing home is where we are at.  I do NOT want to do this if at all possible.

Life can really be cruel....

[AbbyTC]

Again, I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers.....

We are talking our options this afternoon with St. V health adviser.  I don't believe he is ready for hospice.  He is still going fairly strong.  But, trying our best to keep him from a nursing home is where we are at.  I do NOT want to do this if at all possible.

Life can really be cruel....

Hang in there, HH.  I do hope you call Hospice when the time is right.  We used them for my ex's mother-in-law, and my neighbor used them when his wife died of brain cancer.  This is a very rough road to travel; my thoughts are with you.

[Purplelady1040]

Again, I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers.....

We are talking our options this afternoon with St. V health adviser.  I don't believe he is ready for hospice.  He is still going fairly strong.  But, trying our best to keep him from a nursing home is where we are at.  I do NOT want to do this if at all possible.

Life can really be cruel....

I know a nursing home may not be where you want to put him but what about an assisted living program. Many of them have places similar to nursing homes. Whatever you choose, I hope it will be something you are comfortable with and be happy with.

[Palehorse]

Again, I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers.....

We are talking our options this afternoon with St. V health adviser.  I don't believe he is ready for hospice.  He is still going fairly strong.  But, trying our best to keep him from a nursing home is where we are at.  I do NOT want to do this if at all possible.

Life can really be cruel....

Lots of great advice from those of us who have travelled your path previously, is within this thread my friend.

I know a lot of these suggestions and advice appear to be things you do not even want to consider. That's natural at first for each one of us. We've all struggled with similar decisions too; some of us to the point of physical exhaustion, financial ruin, or worse. . . Me included.

It's gut wrenching I know, and I would carry this burden for you if I could my friend; and do so happily. You know how to get in touch with me if you find it too much to bear. . .

The one thing that helped me reach a comfort level with our decision, was the fact mom had signed a DNR, and had told all of us over the years she did not want to live her life hooked to machines, etc. Still, she hung on for several months despite Hospice care.

I vividly remember her telling me once how she NEVER wanted to become a burden to her children. She didn't want them traipsing in and out of hospitals or hospice facilities to see her, and didn't want to have her children having to take care of her. Alzheimers exacerbated things along those lines, but at the end we finally figured out what she had held on for. She crossed over on what would have been our father's 74th birthday. . .

A couple of my siblings struggled with guilt over the hospice decision at first, but after the ceremony the 4 of us, no husbands, wives, or children, had dinner together and talked through it. Once we were all reminded of what it was mom wanted for us, and herself, we achieved acceptance.

It was funny the way we came to realization about her passing on dads birthday. It wasn't until we'd placed her into the vault with day, and looked together at the marker, that we realized it. My sister had her death date engraved onto the marker well before the ceremony, and even she had not realized it. But when we saw those dates side-by-side, it was like a bolt of lightening hit all 4 of us. And we held hands and said, "Happy Birthday Dad. Mom's home!" 

[Henry Hawk]

Just to let you know, I have read everyone's responses....and I have taken them all to heart.  I deeply appreciate you all taking the time to share your thoughts on this.



If anything, I have done some serious soul searching and have grown on many levels..........and if possible, found even MORE respect for my father........he truly IS a wonderful man...and he deserves the BEST that I can possibly give him...and I am content on providing that, no matter what.

[The Troll]

Again, I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers.....

We are talking our options this afternoon with St. V health adviser.  I don't believe he is ready for hospice.  He is still going fairly strong.  But, trying our best to keep him from a nursing home is where we are at.  I do NOT want to do this if at all possible.

Life can really be cruel....

  Henry, dying in not really a cruel time, look at as a new adventure for your dad.    You know that everything your god has made dies.  Yes, everything, even the Universe will die. 

   If I were  you I would call Hospice and the Visiting Nurses and have your dad evaluated.  You don't have to carry the whole load of you father  passing,  It will happen to everyone and the load can really be lightened.   

[Henry Hawk]

This is such a roller coaster ... I have been with him since around noon yesterday.  He has gotten very weak and has slept most of the time . He can't remember why he is in the hospital and can hardly talk.

[Purplelady1040]

This is such a roller coaster ... I have been with him since around noon yesterday.  He has gotten very weak and has slept most of the time . He can't remember why he is in the hospital and can hardly talk.

So very sorry, HH!

[libby]

This is such a roller coaster ... I have been with him since around noon yesterday.  He has gotten very weak and has slept most of the time . He can't remember why he is in the hospital and can hardly talk.

That may be because of drugs -- are they giving him pain or other medications?

Here is something for you to try  -- it's a yoga breathing exercise from Dr. Weil that I use to calm down:

Sit with your back straight
Place the tip of your tongue against the ridge of tissue just behind your upper front teeth, and keep it there during the entire exercise. You will be exhaling through your mouth around your tongue; try pursing your lips slightly if this seems awkward.

First exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound.
Next close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of 4.
Next hold your breathe for a count of 7.
Then exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to the count of 8.
This is one breath. Now inhale again and repeat the cycle 3 more times for a total of 4 breaths.
....
This exercise is a natural tranquilizer for the nervous system.

From the book Natural Health Natural Medicine by Andrew Weil,, M. D. Revised edition 2004.

[Anne]

This is such a roller coaster ... I have been with him since around noon yesterday.  He has gotten very weak and has slept most of the time . He can't remember why he is in the hospital and can hardly talk.

HH, I am so sorry for you and your family. Everyone has given you good advice. Just be with him as much as you can and hold his hand.

[Bo D]

Worried about Hank .....

[libby]

 

Worried about Hank .....

Yes....

[Palehorse]

Yes. We've not heard from him in a few days now. . . 

[Henry Hawk]

Sorry guys been with Dad almost 24/7 this last week.  He is in hospice, weak but fighting.  He is confused most of the time but we have had some good moments together.  Today is tough he believes hc is back at work and talking in detail about his job becoming angry with me when I try to keep him from getting out if bed. 

Pray that he has a peaceful end and soon.

Will be back soon