Defending your Child's Rights

[BEG]

Boy, I have quite a fight on my hands with a staff member at Lil BEG's high school, AHS.
I shouldn't get into the details yet (I will one of these days in the future though), but she is truly being mistreated by a vindictive person.
We had our first (of what I imagine will me many) meetings yesterday with the principal, Mr Nikirk. This was the first step of the mediation process. Normally my glass is half full, but I envision this issue will eventually get to the school board (which some are already aware of the situation) and maybe the court system.

How does a parent know when to give up the fight? Like I stated above, we are just starting this process but when do I throw my hands up in the air and tell Lil BEG life isn't fair? How far is to far - is it ever too far? 

[Henry Hawk]

my theory is, that life is too short, you GOT to choose your battles.  If it involves integrity issues, then fight for it.  You may be right, sometimes the bigger lesson is to teach lil beg, that sometimes Life just isn't fair, so figure out the best way to deal with it....

[Sandy Eggo]

Like Henry said, I guess it depends on the nature of the problem, but my first response is "never".

True enough, life isn't fair, but I don't think I want to teach my kids to give up without a fight. I not only want them to know who's in their corners, but how to fight. There's certain ways to go about things and I think it's a very important skill to teach. My son, is the type that will let anyone walk all over him. My daughter, if she feels she is right, will take on anyone. IMO, both of them need to know how to go about the process.

Normally, I do my investigation first (sounds like you did that too), to decide if there is truly a wrong or if it's just a perceived wrong. Part of that investigation is to get the other side of the story. I know it's amazing, but my angels will sometimes give me a different perspective. LOL More often than not, it ends there. I can put the pieces together and explain to my child what happened, so that they understand. In the few cases, my children have been totally accurate, I've gone to the principal (several times) and even ended up at the school board once.

Thinking back I've only had to go farther than the teacher with my son, but each of the cases, I felt as if  his future was in jeopardy. Once, I couldn't get the teacher to communicate with me after he'd received a bad progress report. My son hates school and always has. He needed constant encouragement and teamwork between myself and the teacher. I couldn't even get the teacher to call me back to discuss how I could help him (teacher or son). So, I elevated it and this is the time that I ended up at the school board because their answer in defense was that the entire 4th grade was doing poorly. I cared about one 4th grader, but if that's the case then something is REALLY wrong. Another time, my son had a conflict schedules and had to choose between baseball and choir. My son had learned from someone else that the coach of any team always picks their son for the best spots. I told him that instead of thinking like that, he should approach the coach and explain that he wanted to learn to pitch. The coach and his son (yes he was the pitcher, but was really good lol) took him under their wings and worked w/him every practice, because he asked. Finally, the son had a high school game to play and the rec team didn't have a pitcher, so they asked my son. He was in second heaven and had learned an important lesson. Then he discovered his choir concert at school was the same night. I didn't make the decision for him, but told him that he would have to make the decision and talk to the leader of the event,  that he didn't plan to keep. He chose baseball. This was his second concert of the year and there was another at the end of school. He felt  like this was his big chance in baseball and perhaps only time to pitch that year. He spoke to the choir teacher and she said, "If you have interestes outside of school then you have no business here" and she sat him down and wouldn't let him practice with the rest of the class. He didn't have a solo AND he did the responsible thing and tried to talk to her. I went in to talk to her, hoping he had mixed up her message, but that's what she said. We ended up at the principal's office. I thought that was very discouraging and a wrong message.

Anyway, that's just a couple examples and I have more. LOL My point is, I'll take it as far as they force me to, if my child is right and I feel as if their rights have been stomped on. 

[BEG]

I agree, Henry. Picking the battles is tricky sometimes. It's a fine line I'm walking with her. I don't want her to be a doormat and let people walk all over her the rest of her life.
I'm trying to impress upon her that if it didn't affect her future and the possibility of her not getting into her first college choice, I would let it go. But this impacts the beginning of her adult life 3 years from now.  

[Mr442]

Our local school system found out early on, that they would feel our wrath if our boys got the short end of the stick.  If we felt they were being shortchanged by the system (one teacher or the whole school) the wife and I would be there to stand their ground.  Sometimes there can be something happening that is just plain wrong and you have to make a stand.  Other times it is a minor issue and you can let it slide.  But when it can affect your child's future, it is your DUTY to take a stand.

Teachers and administrators can be bullies too.

[~vxn~]

Teachers and administrators can be bullies too.

that is for sure.  my second grader's teacher was also his first grade teacher (she moved up and intentionally wanted him in her class).  she demanded that i put him on meds for ADHD that SHE diagnosed.  she gave him a detention everyday until i got him on meds.  she wants the dose upped and has started with the detentions again.  i've told her it's BS.  (if she hates her job that much she should switch careers.)  besides, if you are calling his "condition" a medical issue, how can you punish him for being "ill"?  my son is polite, respectful... in the highest math and spelling groups...

she'll write on the detention slips:  reason:  student was not focusing.

he isn't disrupting class... his mind was wandering... only hurting himself.  (he told me he also likes the challenge of having 5 minutes left to hand a paper in...)  he's bored.  i had the same problem, but my mother refused to drug me.  she's basically said that i am abusing him if i don't get the dose upped.  i feel that i am abusing him by forcing him to be stoned all week.  poor kid.  he hates school and that makes me sad... he has a wonderful mind. 

this time i am throwing a fit.  i am calling the principal.  there are ways to treat ADHD without meds.  i have been 5 minutes from calling an attorney since my son was in first grade with this "woman". 

sorry for ranting... 

[Sandy Eggo]

~vxn~ you're absolutely right. Seek alternatives, she's not a medical professional and to manipulate you through punishing your son is unacceptable. It sounds like he is bored. Perhaps she's a lil' dull or not able to keep up w/his quick mind. Some people are intimidated by that and find ways to try to stifle the honest intelligence of children. I've seen it.

Reminds me of my son's second grade teacher. I don't even think she liked children. The day he called me at work because he said she called him a loser, she and I were through. I'm very supportive of educators, but there was NO justifying this. I can't say the experience made him hate school, but he's in the 9th grade now and despises school and when I trace it back, it began there.  I had her in the office for the above incident and then sat in her class on another occasion after she called me at work, because my son accidentally threw away his math journal. I offered to replace it and she said that wasn't good enough. I told her that I had no idea how she expected me to fix the problem, but if she thought I was going to the landfill, she was indeed wasting her time.

While I sat in the class, which she had formed in a circle, she called attendance and as she called each child's name, they walked up in full view of the room and handed in their homework. One little girl apparently forgot to write her name at the top. She stood up, ripped up the homework and tossed it in the air like confetti. I didn't say anything. I quietly got up, took my son's hand and went to the office. I demanded a classroom change and without any problems at all, he was in a new class w/in the hour.

I've dealt w/quite a few school systems and I've even been a substitute so, I've seen it from both sides of the coin (kind of) and more often than not, teachers are doing the best that they can and I find in most cases going way above and beyond the call of duty,  however there is NO room for a bully in that business. If they destroy a child's love of learning. The child is lost. As a parent, I refuse to let them do that.

[~vxn~]

i ran into my son's former kindergarten art teacher (who is now my middle son's homeroom kindergarten teacher) she thought it was an absolute beating that the same teacher got him back a second year--like she wants to torture him.  she is very dull and not very engaging in conversation.  my son is one of the youngest in her room (summer birthday) and testing well above average (until he got into her classroom).  she threatened him last year that when in 1st grade--instead of holding him back she'd send him back to kindergarten.  she never gives him an A on a paper.  NEVER.  When he's got 100% she'll give him a B and say, "neater next time"--i saw his writing once and thought it was hers.  he has excellent writing skills.  she just enjoys picking on him.  i am really reaching my edge with her.  (and i get to go in tomorrow for conferences and try not to punch her. <-- buggest challenge of my life right now.)

[damfast]

Teachers have supervisors.   If you can prove that your child's teacher is focusing on your child in a negative manner, or is refusing to grade your child's work fairly and impartially without prejudice, then go to the teacher and let them know you are documenting the conversation.  Give them a dated, written copy of your complaint, give a copy to school administration.

Then, if the teacher continues to behave in an unacceptable manner, take the copy of the letter (which documents the conversation and the date of the conversation with the teacher and school administration) to the Board of Education.

Offer to call a lawyer to meet with all parties involved.

Bet the teacher backs off.

[bevis]

you gotta stay involved.  sounds like you are, so keep it up!  you child already knows that life is unfair, but you need to let him/her know that someone is in their corner, especially when it comes to school.  life doesn't hold a candle to school when it comes to unfair.  the greatest myth in the US today is that teachers are "the best and brightest" we have.  please.  anyone of us who have been to college knows the fallacy of that belief.  i am not putting teachers down, many of them are excellent and most of them try their best.  but most people weren't "called" to the fold as it were.  most of them just were undeclared majors for two or three years, and finally ended up in education 'cause they really weren't sure what they wanted to do.  my daughter is in 3rd grade.  she has had 4 teachers.  her kindergarten teacher was pregnant and totally uninvolved with the class.  her first grade teacher was a nightmare bitch from hell, a 37 year burn-out who would humiliate kids relentlessly right in front of helping parents.  she pushed for my girl to be medicated (!), not because her behavior was out of control, but because she (my daughter) actually had the nuts to stand up to her.  her 2nd teacher was great, very patient but not easy (plus she was cute, that doesn't hurt either, imo!).  and now her 3rd grade teacher is somewhere in between.  but my daughter is "known" at the school as a "semi-problem" (she daydreams in class and has trouble completing classwork on time, but academically she is above-average and has always been, and never doesn't complete homework) so she has to have a "contract" that the teacher fills out every day re her work habits, and WE (my ex-wife and I) are supposed to be the ones who figure out how to get her to do her CLASSWORK!  f-ing ridiculous!  but there you are.  unless you just want your child to be poorly baby sat for 6 hours a day, you've got to show the school that you will go to the mat for your kid.

[Mr442]

I was a daydreamer in grade school, the teacher said so, and she was right.  But she never gave me bad grades on the real subjects for it, just a note on the report card.  To give a child a bad grade on work done well is unfair, and this needs to be addressed ASAP.  Gather up all papers sent home and be ready to make your case.  Prove that the teacher in question is faulty and demand a change.  Do not back down and go as far as you have to.  Your child's future depends upon it.

[BEG]

Well, yesterday we had our second meeting in the mediation process. 
Lil BEG was very nervous and started crying as she spoke to the teacher, principal and counselor. She did very well though and I am proud of her.
The issue is still not resolved to our satisfaction and there were remarks going back and forth between the teacher and myself.   
So we are debating whether or not to continue with this issue and present it before the school board.
It really stinks that an education professional would do this to a student and he'll continue until he is stopped!

[Mr442]

If you back off now, you will give this teacher free reigh to continue the abuse, with your child, and others who may follow.  Think about it.

[BEG]

---- WARNING --- WARNING --- WARNING --- WARNING --- WARNING --- WARNING --- WARNING ---I AM PISSED!!!!

Lil BEG agreed to accept a C in choir for the first semester and the mediation process would end. She was tired of the whole thing. So I e-mailed this 'so-called educator' to inform him of her decision and the prick didn't change her grade as per the agreement. This jerk is now on my shit list and I'm taking him down. He messed with the wrong student and momma's gone take him out to the wood shed and teach him a thing or two. Man, I am sooo ANGRY!!! I want to slap him up side the head and ask him if he has any clue what he is doing. What an ass! 

So I'm back in mediation mode! 

[Sandy Eggo]

Good for you BEG! You go teach him a thing or two about a thing or two! What a jerk!!