Confidence and advice

[The Troll]

  Sandy it being Friday already, I was wondering if you had an up date of your fellow employee.  Having two ex-friends who had such mood swings and low selfesteem.  And almost drove me nutter than I am, maybe nosey but really interested in the out come.  I sure hope it turns out better for you than me.  When these people were in the normal mode they were great we had some great times and fun.  But it don't take much vingar in your drinking water to ruin it.  If you know what I mean.  The Troll

[Sandy Eggo]

Now that I've reached a  level of understanding about the situation, I'm fine. The bottom line is that she's a adult and it's her responsibility to do what she needs to do to save her job. In this case that would mean developing the ability to work independently. If she isn't successful, that won't be my fault, because I'm going to remain patient and encouraging and I'm going to give her the tools that she needs to pull this off.

The rest of it was just emotional noise, on my part. I'd like to see her become successful and I'm a little sad that someone would allow themselves to be so dependent and basically a doormat that they have no self esteem, but that's not my job. I'm not Dr. Phil

Thanks for checking back Troll.

[Sandy Eggo]

BTW, creating this thread was theraputic for me. Initally my intent had been to get training points and tips for someone so resistant to letting go of the apron strings. The rest just kind of flowed out. I realized that I wasn't focusing on training her that I was trying to save her from herself.

Thanks guys.

[Sandy Eggo]

Update:

The other shoe dropped. She was called into the office last week and given two options. She can either take a demotion or be placed on a performance improvement agreement administered/monitored by our supervisor. If she chooses the agreement and fails to meet the objectives w/in the prescribed period of time, she'll be released.

This, of course was a complete shock to her. She couldn't understand why they are doing this to her. She works so hard and her attitude is so positive. She comes in early and stays late. All true, but when she was asked if she's ready to perform her duties independantly she didn't say anything. When they asked her why it was taking her 4 days to complete a repetitive task that takes an intern a couple hours, she explained that she was afraid to make a mistake. She doesn't understand why working harder and longer doesn't equate to the level of quality nor meet the production goals.

Anyhoo, it's out of my hands now. I'll admit that I felt pretty guilty when she came out of the office unable to look at anyone because she was so upset. She just returned to work today and she was acting weird all day. I was hoping that she'd understand and realize that she needs to make some changes or apply for other jobs. But I think she's in denial. *shrug*

[Mr442]

You cannot help those, who will not help themselves.  Until she realizes the problems reside within her, she is a lost cause.  Glad to hear it is out of your hands now.  Don't feel remorseful, just move on with your own life. 

[The Troll]

 
  Sandy you will be real happy to get her off your back.  Working as a skilled tradesman we would work are our usual area.  I was in Rehab, we brought in the worn out machines off the floor and we would completely rebuild them frame up and add the newest updates.

  On the week ends when production was out of the plant, they would take us into the plant to do work on the productions machines and assembly lines.  Well, being considered as one of the better pipefitters who cared about doing a good job.  They were always putting me with someone who did not like to work or do a good job and then the bosses were always on me why the job wasn't getting done or there my buddy was.

  I finely got tired of it and I would just tell them, if they wanted to job done.  Get me someone decent to work with and if they couldn't see my "buddy" go find him, because I sure didn't know where in hell he was.  If you want to know where he was, go find him, your the boss.   I got tired of carry someone and I would ask for jobs that required one man.  For this I was considered a "Loner".

[Sandy Eggo]

Well, my problem is that I hate to take "no" for an answer. I always have a plan B, C, D and so forth. Rarely do I run out of plans before I succeed. When it does happen I don't handle it very well.

I love what I do and I directly attribute that to the wonderful mentors that I've had throughout my career. I try to give that back to some of the new or struggling people. In 11 years, I'd say she's only the second person that I've encountered that I would label "untrainable" and in both cases self esteem is the main issue. It's a crippling disease.

[me]

Unfortunately once you lose self esteem it takes a long time to get it back.  Hopefully she'll get away from the major cause of it at some point and she'll be a whole lot better off.

Well, my problem is that I hate to take "no" for an answer. I always have a plan B, C, D and so forth. Rarely do I run out of plans before I succeed. When it does happen I don't handle it very well.

I love what I do and I directly attribute that to the wonderful mentors that I've had throughout my career. I try to give that back to some of the new or struggling people. In 11 years, I'd say she's only the second person that I've encountered that I would label "untrainable" and in both cases self esteem is the main issue. It's a crippling disease.

[Sandy Eggo]

Yeah, she's so bad that if a group of people crack up anywhere in the office she assumes it's because they're laughing at her.

[me]

That's sad. 

Yeah, she's so bad that if a group of people crack up anywhere in the office she assumes it's because they're laughing at her.

[The Troll]

Well, my problem is that I hate to take "no" for an answer. I always have a plan B, C, D and so forth. Rarely do I run out of plans before I succeed. When it does happen I don't handle it very well.

I love what I do and I directly attribute that to the wonderful mentors that I've had throughout my career. I try to give that back to some of the new or struggling people. In 11 years, I'd say she's only the second person that I've encountered that I would label "untrainable" and in both cases self esteem is the main issue. It's a crippling disease.

  I think the girl has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)  I broke off completely with a friend of many years because it thought he had it.  On one test for it, it had 14 symptoms for it.  He had 13, he didn't like to gamble, that kept him from getting 14.  I mentioned getting help and why and his eyes glazed over and said," I'm not crazy.  He would call me 6 to 8 times a day about his problems.  I would tell what to do and he WOULDN'T DO THEM.  Then he would do them his way and then call me to bitch about they didn't work.

  He was sucking the life out of me.  I called it quits.  Goggle in Borderline Personality Disorder and watch it add up.