Have you ever been around someone who doesn't have or isn't working towards any goals?
If so, does it bother you?
I'm somewhat concerned about Mr Fishers. He doesn't have goals except to be happy and have fun. Maybe it's because his family is 'well off' financially that he doesn't think like I do. Saturday I asked him if there was a certain age that he plans on retiring... he said 'I don't know. In my sixties - I guess. I've never thought about it.'
He talks alot about traveling but I don't know if he's really thought about when he would like to travel. Now I know this guy has been put through the ringer in the past year and he's now getting back on his feet, so maybe he's not gotten to that point in his new single life to look at the future since he's trying to figure out the past. Anyway he told me that when he was married, they didn't have any goals as a couple or family.
How important are goals - even if you come up short on fulfilling them?
I think goals and plans are very important. Then again, maybe to "enjoy life" is his goal and hopefully w/in that HUGE plan there are "little" plans like spoiling BEG rotten. :biggrin:
Seriously though, I think you need goals to measure your own personal success and to feel fulfilled. When two people are on two different pages as far as what those goals are and plans to accomplish them, then it could be trouble. For me personally, for a relationship to be successful our goals have to mesh... not necessarily the same, but at least complimentary...if that makes sense. I would find myself very frustrated and feel held back if I had goals for myself, family, work, finances, etc. and my partner wouldn't work on them with me...meaning the development of the goals, planning of the process and the execution.
If I fall short, which happens, then I just take another look and decide how important that goal still is and find another way to achieve it. I have trouble taking "no" for an answer and I always have a plan "b". :biggrin:
Quote from: BEG on July 23, 2007, 01:41:32 PM
Have you ever been around someone who doesn't have or isn't working towards any goals?
If so, does it bother you?
I'm somewhat concerned about Mr Fishers. He doesn't have goals except to be happy and have fun. Maybe it's because his family is 'well off' financially that he doesn't think like I do. Saturday I asked him if there was a certain age that he plans on retiring... he said 'I don't know. In my sixties - I guess. I've never thought about it.'
He talks alot about traveling but I don't know if he's really thought about when he would like to travel. Now I know this guy has been put through the ringer in the past year and he's now getting back on his feet, so maybe he's not gotten to that point in his new single life to look at the future since he's trying to figure out the past. Anyway he told me that when he was married, they didn't have any goals as a couple or family.
How important are goals - even if you come up short on fulfilling them?
I would challenge you to think objectively about the first statement in bold...
QuoteHe doesn't have goals except to be happy and have fun.
From a therapeutic standpoint, being happy & the ability to have fun are actually
MAJOR goals for an individual to have for themselves; as well as, being able to live
'in the moment' rather stuck in the past or obsessing about the future.
I would also encourage you to identify what BEG's goals are...to compare & to contrast them to Mr. Fisher's. For some reason, I would venture to guess that the dissonance you are feeling may be based upon the fact that you're in two different stages of life or personal development -- even if it appears from a distance that you've experienced similar relationship dynamics.
Another question for introspection: Are you at a point in your relationship with Mr. Fisher's that your expectations are needing definition?!? In other words, are you at a point where you'd like to have goals WITH him...but, it's possibly being met with perceived or real resistance?
QuoteAnyway he told me that when he was married, they didn't have any goals as a couple or family.
This may be a large reason they are no longer married...it may be that they had individual goals that weren't compatible for a couple or family to prosper.
At any rate, it sounds like you've possibly encountered the first 'hurdle' in this new relationship. 8)
Quote from: Sunny on July 23, 2007, 03:53:39 PM
I would challenge you to think objectively about the first statement in bold...
From a therapeutic standpoint, being happy & the ability to have fun are actually MAJOR goals for an individual to have for themselves; as well as, being able to live 'in the moment' rather stuck in the past or obsessing about the future.
I know what you are saying and yes, being happy & having fun are goals that 99% of us want. I guess I was looking for HOW he planned on achieving this.
Quote from: Sunny on July 23, 2007, 03:53:39 PM
I would also encourage you to identify what BEG's goals are...to compare & to contrast them to Mr. Fisher's. For some reason, I would venture to guess that the dissonance you are feeling may be based upon the fact that you're in two different stages of life or personal development -- even if it appears from a distance that you've experienced similar relationship dynamics.
Another question for introspection: Are you at a point in your relationship with Mr. Fisher's that your expectations are needing definition?!? In other words, are you at a point where you'd like to have goals WITH him...but, it's possibly being met with perceived or real resistance?
We had a major discussion about our relationship this weekend. It was much needed. :yes: We started by saying that neither one of us wanted to hurt the other but it was time for a good talk about what we were wanting.
Come to find out that we both were in agreement that we aren't ready for anything to serious. He was afraid I was headed in that direction - needing a commitment. I was afraid that he wanted me to move in with him and that the rejection would hurt his feelings. Whew!!! I was so relieved to hear that he wasn't wanting to go in that direction. It seems that we were both so worried about the other one that we created uwarranted stress on a perfectly wonderful relationship. After our talk, I hadn't felt so comfortable in a while which is why Sunday's babseball date couldn't have been better. We knew that we were gonna have fun just being together. :smitten:
Yeah, I'll have to say that I like Mr. Fischer's goals. I wish more folks would think in those terms.