We all need it--cancer or not.
I have been very, very fortunate to have friends and family and since I am a "semi" celebrity in town--lots of people who just want to help out.
Oh, folks have brought food, gift cards, flowers, "happys," booze, illegal drugs and the lot. Boy, I'm a lucky girl :biggrin:
A support system is very, very important for those of us with this horrid disease and any other ailment as well.
You have to be sure that you keep in touch on a regular basis. Some people get so depressed that they just sit in their homes in the dark and turn the ringers off of the phone.
Get out there! Drive over there and make them open the door. Bring food, paint their toe nails for them, wash the dishes. But most importantly, LISTEN :yes:
Any other ideas are welcome for supporting those you love.
Good morning, dear Tallulah!
May I ask what "happys" are?...
And may I suggest that while it is important to listen, it's also important to ask. Some people are so afraid of asking direct questions, but that only hurts both parties.
Don't leave things unsaid...and of course, don't assume you know the answer. :smile:
And one more note...flowers ARE wonderful. PLEASE use your "best vase".
Something that I've discussed with my auntie -- the 'things' in our life that really are just 'things'.
Why allow the best china...the best glassware...the best flatware...the best vase...sit and collect dust?!?
Encourage your loved ones to blow the dust off today and use the best. :yes:
Excellent, Sunny! Use the good stuff!
Happys are what I refer to as just that--stuff to make people happy. They don't necessarily have to be useful.
Sometimes I make votive candle holders and paint them. Tie a long piece of wire and make a loop so they can hang outside for a night time get-together. I collect small, fat jars of jam and spices and paint them with ceramic paint or sometimes just use markers or stickers to decorate them.
A nice body oil or lotion is a happy!
A basket of pasta and sauces and a loaf of bread is a happy too!
And, my favorite, a collection of dirty jokes or limericks :biggrin:
Oooh!!! I get it...very cool! I like it.
It's always nice to give (or receive) a new picture frame....even more special if it contains a photo, verse, mantra, or poem. :smile:
Oh yeah, they're the best! I had a friend give me a terrific little sculpture she got in NOLA--it was just a painted, clay face of a smiling character and the mouth had a mirror inserted in it.
So everytime you looked into the mirror you saw yourself with that big ole smile on your face!
I adore it! :love3:
I am trying to think of a way to support my cousin with his latest battle. It is hard when you don't live close and you don't really know him. We have only gotten closer as an extended family within the last two years. He ended up back in surgery to get the rest of his arm amputated. Hopefully they have gotten all of it this time. He was doing really well after the first surgery. I hope this isn't a setback for him!
Any thoughts or suggestions? He is 6 months younger than me and a policeman. He and his wife had a baby in January.
Does he have a sense of humor? If so, get him something silly like a spatchula or a fly swatter.
Make sure that you do get him something nice and meaningful--I mean it's quite a shock when you lose a limb so it's not something to take too lightly.
A nice card with some handwritten words always mean a lot!
Thanks T! I'll keep you updated on his condition!
Well? How's he doing Kimmi?
Still recovering from surgery unfortunetly. He lost a lot of blood and they were really concerned. I haven't been able to speak to his sister for a few days.
Thanks for asking!
There is this really nice Baptist pastor who drops by the radio station where I work to bring me little "happys" like tea bags of the exotic and sometimes a straw hat or two.
I wonder if I will be rude if I don't attend his church. What's the protocol? Is one Sunday enough? Someone needs to write a book on this stuff :rolleyes:
My beautiful, wonderful, giving mother in law just sent me a big, fat check to help with expenses ...now that's what I call SUPPORT!
:clap:
Quote from: tallulahdahling on August 11, 2007, 03:59:50 PM
My beautiful, wonderful, giving mother in law just sent me a big, fat check to help with expenses ...now that's what I call SUPPORT!
:clap:
Woohoo!!!! :sofa: That is great news!!!! :yes: I'm soo happy for you. :biggrin:
Quote from: tallulahdahling on August 11, 2007, 07:49:05 AM
There is this really nice Baptist pastor who drops by the radio station where I work to bring me little "happys" like tea bags of the exotic and sometimes a straw hat or two.
I wonder if I will be rude if I don't attend his church. What's the protocol? Is one Sunday enough? Someone needs to write a book on this stuff :rolleyes:
Oh and it seems that protocol is doubled in the south or something. ;D Reading this made me think of mom and her many friends and all the requirements. I was always amazed that they could keep things straight!
That's a tough one. I guess it depends on where your heart is. If you enjoy going to church, but haven't been to his church, then I think you should give it a try, maybe you'll like it. If not, then tell him kindly that while you enjoyed his church, you feel attached to your home church and may not be able to visit very often. He'll understand.
If you don't enjoy going to church then it may be a bad idea to go at all. Especially if he knows that, because he might pester you (maybe nicely, but still...) to "c'mon back" and then your friendship may change to one of dread, every time you see him, because you don't want to hurt his feelings.
Can you tell I've been there? :biggrin:
His gestures are very kind, but something I've learned is that I can't do anything for anyone w/the expectation of reciprocation. It's not fair to them or me. If I do something, it's because I want to. If they want to return the gesture great, but if not, then that's great as well. I did it because it was the right thing to do or simply felt good to do. Perhaps he feels the same way.
WOW Piya, you are wise, aren't you.
Spooky someone so young has such wisdom.......
could it be..........
reincarnation?
:biggrin: :eek: :wink: :razz:
People have told me that before. 'Course "wise" is usually followed by "arse", but I take that as a compliment. :biggrin: :razz:
Hey did you see the advertisement on TLC for the new show they are doing? It is called something like "Sexy Cancer". I know that sounds bad but it is a documentary of a few woman fighting the battle and still being the awesome women that they were before diagnosis. I think it said it starts this Wednesday but I could be wrong with that.
Quote from: kimmi on August 13, 2007, 07:10:48 PM
Hey did you see the advertisement on TLC for the new show they are doing? It is called something like "Sexy Cancer". I know that sounds bad but it is a documentary of a few woman fighting the battle and still being the awesome women that they were before diagnosis. I think it said it starts this Wednesday but I could be wrong with that.
Wow!!!! How cool is that??? What an awesome idea. :yes: I think I'll try to watch it. :smile:
Yeah, Kimmi--thanks--I'll be looking for it! :smitten:
It's called Crazy Sexy Cancer--here's a link about it http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/specials/crazy-sexy-cancer/crazy-sexy-cancer.html (http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/specials/crazy-sexy-cancer/crazy-sexy-cancer.html)
I can get it from Netflix since I missed the airing on TLC!!
Well, talk about support--just got another check from a fabulous family member to help with expenses.
You know--some of these people really haven't communicated with us on a regular basis but they're here now for us when we need them.
I think it's God in the works :preach:
You have no idea how much this comes in handy--we didn't know what we were gonna do about paying some bills :pray:
That is awesome T! A few weeks ago, I got an email from a guy I went to college with. He was trying to raise money for a fraternity brother of his that has a rare lung disorder. He needs treatment at Cleveland Clinic but his insurance wouldn't pay for it. I don't know how much he raised but from the emails I know that they were overwhelmed with the response. I guess it reminded me why I went through 8 weeks of pledging to begin with. Lifelong friends even though we haven't seen each other in 10 years!
Quote from: tallulahdahling on September 08, 2007, 03:34:47 PM
Well, talk about support--just got another check from a fabulous family member to help with expenses.
You know--some of these people really haven't communicated with us on a regular basis but they're here now for us when we need them.
I think it's God in the works :preach:
You have no idea how much this comes in handy--we didn't know what we were gonna do about paying some bills :pray:
It's good when families pull together in a time of need. You must have a great family. I'd say it's definitely in God's hands.Have you thought about doing a benefit, it might help. :yes:
Quote from: kimmi on September 08, 2007, 04:39:13 PM
That is awesome T! A few weeks ago, I got an email from a guy I went to college with. He was trying to raise money for a fraternity brother of his that has a rare lung disorder. He needs treatment at Cleveland Clinic but his insurance wouldn't pay for it. I don't know how much he raised but from the emails I know that they were overwhelmed with the response. I guess it reminded me why I went through 8 weeks of pledging to begin with. Lifelong friends even though we haven't seen each other in 10 years!
See? Isn't that great? We humanoids really come through when we put our hearts into it! Now this makes me smile! :biggrin:
Quote from: Dexter Morgan on September 08, 2007, 05:42:46 PM
It's good when families pull together in a time of need. You must have a great family. I'd say it's definitely in God's hands.Have you thought about doing a benefit, it might help. :yes:
Nah--there are a lot more folks who need the help more than I. We'll just be like everyone else--indefinitely in debt! LOL
Quote from: tallulahdahling on September 09, 2007, 09:59:05 AM
Nah--there are a lot more folks who need the help more than I. We'll just be like everyone else--indefinitely in debt! LOL
Indefinitely in debt SUCKS !!!! :no: Been there, done that. :no:
Can't really be helped with medical expenses, though. It's not like I'm at Macy's charging up a bunch of crap I don't need.
We'll get through it--even if I have to deliver pizzas at night--Dave Ramsey rocks!
Quote from: tallulahdahling on September 12, 2007, 07:15:03 AM
Can't really be helped with medical expenses, though. It's not like I'm at Macy's charging up a bunch of crap I don't need.
We'll get through it--even if I have to deliver pizzas at night--Dave Ramsey rocks!
Ya know, you can make some good scratch in tips, when you're a delivery driver. :pizza: Of course, there's always the fear of being rolled by pizza thieves. :zero: :spooked: Who's Dave Ramsey? :confused:
www.daveramsey.com
He's a budgetary guru--helps you get out of debt the old-fashioned way.
Sure did help us--now all we owe is on the house. Haven't had a credit card in 7 years!!!
Quote from: tallulahdahling on September 13, 2007, 09:37:42 AM
www.daveramsey.com
He's a budgetary guru--helps you get out of debt the old-fashioned way.
Sure did help us--now all we owe is on the house. Haven't had a credit card in 7 years!!!
We don't have credit cards either. We learned the hard way, long ago that although they're convenient, it's too easy to get in trouble with them. :yes:
They're EVIL--the devil's spawn!! LMAO
I've learned that cash is the only way to go--if you can't afford to pay for it with cash then you just can't afford it!
Quote from: tallulahdahling on September 16, 2007, 09:06:47 AM
They're EVIL--the devil's spawn!! LMAO
I've learned that cash is the only way to go--if you can't afford to pay for it with cash then you just can't afford it!
Exactly T.,that's what I think too. :yes:
I think that's why I enjoy shopping on Ebay cuz I always know I can send a check or money order!
I'm into buying sunglasses now--really big movie star ones from the 80s! :gorgeous:
Quote from: tallulahdahling on September 20, 2007, 11:01:22 AM
I think that's why I enjoy shopping on Ebay cuz I always know I can send a check or money order!
I'm into buying sunglasses now--really big movie star ones from the 80s! :gorgeous:
Have you ever seen the shades the Olson twins wear??? :spooked: My God they're HUGE. Actually, the shades are bigger than their heads LMAO!!!! :rotfl: ding dang!!!!!
Those bitches scare me--they are too freaky looking with those alien eyes staring right through you....... :spooked:
I would love a good pair of Jackie O sunglasses. She was such a fashion super star!
This is where I get mine on E-Bay:
http://stores.ebay.com/Victorian-Gypsy-Rose-Boutique (http://stores.ebay.com/Victorian-Gypsy-Rose-Boutique)
Quote from: tallulahdahling on September 22, 2007, 10:33:49 AM
Those bitches scare me--they are too freaky looking with those alien eyes staring right through you....... :spooked:
You know they were kind of cute when they were little. But now they're just plain scary. I feel sorry for them. Both of them are anorexic and have chemical dependency problems. Too much too soon. :no: Some of their apparel is just crazy. They carry hand bags they could fit into. I just don't get it? :spooked: LOL!!!!
Quote from: kimmi on September 22, 2007, 10:37:48 AM
I would love a good pair of Jackie O sunglasses. She was such a fashion super star!
Ya like BIG SHADES huh? :ogle:
I like BIG POOFY HAIR !!!!! :gorgeous: O0 :biggrin:
I have big poofy hair so I can pull off the big shades!!!
Quote from: kimmi on September 22, 2007, 02:16:57 PM
I have big poofy hair so I can pull off the big shades!!!
If you have big hair, you can pull it off. That way it doesn't look like your shades, have swallowed yer head. :spooked: :ogle:
And remember it's all about ATTITUDE--you got to have your game on to pull off wearing monster-sized shades! :biggrin:
My fabulous sister-in-law sent me a Breast Cancer Happy Basket!!
It has all kinds of breast cancer survivor memorabilia and books. Lotsa pink stuff, like slippers and an umbrella and wallet and lotions.
It was soooo sweet of her.......damn I'm lucky :smitten:
How cool Tallu! You are lucky to have such a loving SIL. I've seen you mention her a few times with the thoughtful things she does (at least I think it's the same one). We can never have too many friends.
BTW, Dex, based on Tallu's personal philosophy, the Olsen twins are committing a fashion faux pas. Never carry a purse bigger than your arse. For them, that would be a lil' clutch bag. :biggrin:
Quote from: tallulahdahling on September 23, 2007, 09:10:01 AM
And remember it's all about ATTITUDE--you got to have your game on to pull off wearing monster-sized shades! :biggrin:
That and a strong neck. :spooked:
Quote from: tallulahdahling on September 23, 2007, 09:16:38 AM
My fabulous sister-in-law sent me a Breast Cancer Happy Basket!!
It has all kinds of breast cancer survivor memorabilia and books. Lotsa pink stuff, like slippers and an umbrella and wallet and lotions.
It was soooo sweet of her.......damn I'm lucky :smitten:
You're a very blessed T. :yes: You have a very strong and loving support system. That makes a big difference. :smile:
Yer damned Skippy, it does! :smitten:
Quote from: tallulahdahling on September 25, 2007, 01:09:17 PM
Yer damned Skippy, it does! :smitten:
Thank God for friends and families. :yes:
And drugs--we mustn't forget our medication! :razz:
Quote from: tallulahdahling on September 29, 2007, 07:52:27 AM
And drugs--we mustn't forget our medication! :razz:
I want some!!!!! Don't be greedy sister,be a dahling and share with Dexie. :biggrin: :rasta:
No problem, just get yer honeybuns over here and all will be well! Better make it mid-week since I need to get refills if I'm having company! :ogle:
Quote from: tallulahdahling on September 30, 2007, 08:27:58 AM
No problem, just get yer honeybuns over here and all will be well! Better make it mid-week since I need to get refills if I'm having company! :ogle:
I'll be there Wednesday!!!! LOL!!!! :rasta: :biggrin:
Perfect! I'll change the linens! :biggrin:
Quote from: tallulahdahling on October 02, 2007, 05:30:34 AM
Perfect! I'll change the linens! :biggrin:
[/quote ] Cool!!! does this mean you're going to adopt me ? LOL!! :yes:
Sure--but give me time to stock up on Reece's cups :biggrin:
Quote from: tallulahdahling on October 05, 2007, 05:04:16 PM
Sure--but give me time to stock up on Reece's cups :biggrin:
I'll bring some of the pumpkin shaped Reese Cups. :yes: :drool1:
Fabulous, dahling!
I'm ready to commence with the drugs, and the munchies LOL!!! :spooked: :biggrin:
Me too--especially now! LOL :devilish:
Quote from: tallulahdahling on October 09, 2007, 11:25:51 AM
Me too--especially now! LOL :devilish:
Did you have your last treatment? I was wondering about you last night. :yes:
8 more weeks! :mad:
God, I have to get back to work--this is so boring and humbling at the same time--I feel pretty much worthless :rolleyes:
Quote from: tallulahdahling on October 10, 2007, 10:24:00 AM
8 more weeks! :mad:
God, I have to get back to work--this is so boring and humbling at the same time--I feel pretty much worthless :rolleyes:
You should never ever feel like that T. :no: You just need some time off, that's all. It will only be a short time,and then you'll be back on your game. :yes: :trustme:
:smitten:
You know, it's so important to me to have this place as an additional outreach to vent, get support and just to feel a little normal -- whatever that is!
Thanks Zone admins for making us feel like a family!
There--done with the gushy stuff!
Quote from: tallulahdahling on January 12, 2008, 03:11:19 PM
You know, it's so important to me to have this place as an additional outreach to vent, get support and just to feel a little normal -- whatever that is!
Thanks Zone admins for making us feel like a family!
There--done with the gushy stuff!
:biggrin:
Got a visit from a former boss of mine at work today -- he's been in radio for years and is now spending much of his time in Nashville trying to break out a new country star.
He wants me to do some of the voiceovers for some spots he's producing--cool, huh?
And the extra $$ is exactly the support I need at the moment :smile:
Just read this today -- talk about support! Maybe this could be a new career option for me! :biggrin:
Cancer 'coaches' sway treatment choices
By MARILYNN MARCHIONE, AP Medical Writer Sat Feb 16, 12:16 PM ET
The advice made her head spin: Have the lump removed. No, let them take the whole breast. Chemo? Radiation? Everyone seemed to have an opinion.
ADVERTISEMENT
"I just shut everyone down around me," said Bernie Brann, a newly diagnosed cancer patient from upstate New York. "You're just so overwhelmed with information."
Bad advice, or just too much of it, can compound the trauma and damage done by the disease itself, cancer patients often find. Friends and relatives are important for support, but when these untrained people act as cancer coaches, they can sway people to make poor decisions about their care.
This includes survivors, whose opinions are highly valued by patients suddenly facing the scary diagnosis. They may know a lot about cancer, but can do harm if they project their own experiences onto someone else, who may have a different form of the disease that needs different treatment.
Survivors also may be out of touch with changes in the field, where genetic discoveries are rapidly reshaping notions of who needs chemotherapy and what kind.
What's the solution?
Many advocacy groups and hospitals are using "professional" coaches — trained volunteers or paid workers who can objectively help new patients navigate the maze of information and options.
The American Cancer Society started a patient navigator program a few years ago that now operates in 87 locations and is planning to expand. The National Breast Cancer Coalition also trains coaches, and big treatment hospitals like the University of Texas' M.D. Anderson Cancer Center are increasingly using them for breast, prostate, lung and other types of cancer.
Attendance set records in December at one of the top training programs, held during the San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium. More than 240 breast cancer survivors spent late nights at the convention center, taking notes as scientists schooled them on the latest research.
These women go home to volunteer in hospitals and support groups where they staff hotlines, meet with new patients and teach other coaches what they learned. Demand for this training is so great that the Alamo Breast Cancer Foundation gets grants from the Avon Foundation and nine drug companies to subsidize some attendees, but still can't meet the need. Dozens are turned down each year.
To find a coach or navigator, patients can ask their doctors, local cancer hospitals or groups like the cancer society for help. Brann, feeling a need for unbiased help, found a coach by calling the Cancer Resource Center of the Finger Lakes, where associate director Bob Riter provided it.
"People are usually too free about giving advice," said Riter (pronounced RITT-er), a survivor of male breast cancer and graduate of the San Antonio program. "We never tell people what to do. We provide information, and we help them think out loud."
Whether amateur or professional, a good cancer coach should offer these things, experts say:
_Support: an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold.
_Resources: reliable information or help getting it, and only if the patient wants it.
_Objectivity: a willingness to help patients discover what is best for them, rather than to validate the coach's own cancer battle and choices.
"There's a big difference in saying, 'This is what I did' and 'Here's what you should do,'" Riter said.
Elderly people are especially vulnerable to having their decisions usurped, he added. "Sometimes middle-aged kids impose what they want to do on their parents" without asking what the parent wants.
No hard numbers exist on how many cancer patients bring professional coaches or informal ones — a relative or friend — to doctor appointments where treatments are discussed.
"The person coming with you can either be an asset or a liability," said Meg Gaines, a lawyer and ovarian cancer survivor who runs the Center for Patient Partnerships, an advocacy resource at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
It is good if the coach can ask questions, gather information and take notes for the shell-shocked patient to use later, she said. It is bad if the coach interferes with the patient's decisions.
Doctors often find themselves in the middle, fighting for the patient's trust. Some choices come down to personal values and risk tolerance, said Dr. C. Kent Osborne, a breast cancer specialist at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston.
Whether to have chemotherapy is an example. Some women want to avoid it at all cost. Others "don't want to leave any stone unturned," and demand it even if it has harmful side effects and only a 1 percent chance of helping, he said.
As for patients being swayed by others, "a lot of that occurs when they're not in the doctor's office and they go back to their home and their community," Osborne said. "Then well-meaning friends might say, 'Well, gee, I was treated with this and you should get that,' or 'Aunt Molly got this and you should get that, too,' not understanding that every patient is different."
Patients can fall into the same trap when they coach each other, Gaines said.
"This is the potential downside of support groups — you don't have expertise around the room," she said. "Someone may be describing her own treatment and others will think, 'My doctor didn't tell me that,'" possibly because their cancer is different.
Mary Michaud, policy director at the Wisconsin center, warns: "Beware of people who tell you your experience is going to be just like theirs."
Anna Cluxton, a Columbus, Ohio, woman diagnosed with breast cancer at age 32, feels strongly that she did the right thing having her whole breast removed rather than just the lump. When she coaches other young women whose doctors have advised less drastic surgery, she said she will not express an opinion, but suggests a pointed question: "Ask them, 'What will be my chances of recurrence in that same breast?'"
"You need to be aware of all the options" and discuss them fairly, she said.
Vira Brooks, an Omaha public schools administrator, had a different experience 13 years ago. Although she had a tiny, very early-stage tumor, her surgeon recommended removing the whole breast. She chose less drastic treatment after a survivor she knew coached her through looking at other options.
"She was basically my champion. She helped me navigate the system," Brooks said. "She listened, she shared with me what she had been through," but didn't try to tell her what to do.
Brooks now tries to do the same. She has coached dozens of patients, including black women like herself who are more likely to be diagnosed at later stages and are more likely to die from the disease. A local hospital refers people to her.
As for Bernie Brann, the patient from upstate New York, she did not seek a lot of advice when she was first diagnosed. But word got around at Ithaca College Health Center, where the 69-year-old woman works two nights a week as a nurse's aide.
Doctors told her she could either have a mastectomy or just the lump removed, and at first, she thought she would do the latter. "But I had so many people saying, 'No, no, no, that's not the way to go.' Most people said, 'Have a mastectomy.' It was so radical. It just overwhelmed me. It was not something I wanted to do."
She credits her three children with offering support without telling her what to do. Her oldest son went with her to appointments, as did a close friend with nursing training. Ultimately, she changed her mind about what would be best for her, and had a mastectomy in late December.
"I didn't want to go through this again. My feeling was, get in there, get rid of it, get on with your life," she said.
"It's been quite a rollercoaster," she said. But she feels more confident now that she can make good decisions about her future care.
___
T, I think you could do that job soooo well. You're upbeat ,and positive ,and that's what the cancer patients need. I think you should check in to that. Everybody needs TDahling in their corner. :smitten:
Well, when this is all over with I just may look into it--right now I'm too crispy to really do anything :rolleyes:
AND ---- you're such a sweetie, Dex! :smitten:
Quote from: tallulahdahling on February 18, 2008, 05:09:05 PM
Well, when this is all over with I just may look into it--right now I'm too crispy to really do anything :rolleyes:
AND ---- you're such a sweetie, Dex! :smitten:
Are any of the lotions helping at all ? So, what you're really sayin' is right now you're half baked? :biggrin: Should we put a fork in ya Dahling? :smitten:
No, the lotions don't do much, the itching is the worst of it. But soon it will be over!!!!!!! :biggrin: :biggrin:
Quote from: tallulahdahling on February 19, 2008, 07:02:44 PM
No, the lotions don't do much, the itching is the worst of it. But soon it will be over!!!!!!! :biggrin: :biggrin:
I hope it's over soon too. Then we can celebrate. :party:
7 more treatments to go! WHOO HOO!
:clap:
Yup--ain't it great? I sure don't wanna go today :-[ I'm sooooooo crispy -- but I do get to have lunch with a friend after so I got something to look forward to :wink:
Quote from: tallulahdahling on February 22, 2008, 08:13:56 AM
Yup--ain't it great? I sure don't wanna go today :-[ I'm sooooooo crispy -- but I do get to have lunch with a friend after so I got something to look forward to :wink:
These last ones will be a peice of cake Dahling. It's almost over. :yes: