A paper written during my Lifespand course about the effects divorce has on children, as well as, the non-custodial parent.
Abstract
Many children of divorce are being raised by the mother, leaving the role of the nonresidential father undefined. This paper will explore general theories regarding the nonresidential parent?s role and the impact of the involvement on children; the complexities of co-parenting; and factors that get in the way, such as Parental Alienation Syndrome. The following hypotheses will be evaluated by a literature review: physical custody of children is predominantly awarded to the mother in most custody cases, therefore the father is typically the nonresidential parent; the father?s presence in a child?s life after separation or divorce is essential to the child?s healthy development; and Parental Alienation Syndrome has a negative impact on children of divorced or separated parents. The testimony of two nonresidential parents resulting from interviews will also be included.
The Nonresidential Father?s Role in Co-parenting
Over the past 30 years the divorce rate has increased dramatically, and today over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Approximately one million children each year are affected by divorce in their nuclear families (U.S. Bureau of the Census, 1995). As the divorce rates have risen, so have the number of single-parent families, resulting in approximately 6 million children being raised by one parent (Doherty, Kouneski, & Erickson, 1998).
According to the Children?s Right?s Council, children raised in single parent families are at greater risk for juvenile delinquency, teen pregnancy, poor grades, drugs, dropping out of school, and other trouble (2005). Some research shows that the lack of involvement by both natural parents is the leading cause of these risks. According to the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services:
"More than a quarter of American children, nearly 17 million do not live with their father. Girls without a father in their life are two and a half times as likely to get pregnant and 53 percent more likely to commit suicide. Boys without a father in their life are 63 percent more likely to run away and 37 percent more likely to abuse drugs. Both girls and boys are twice as likely to drop out of high school, twice as likely to end up in jail, and nearly four times as likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems." (Children?s Rights Council, 2005)
Additionally, according to the National Center for Health Statistics, despite recent trends of increased joint legal custody being awarded to parents, physical custody of children is still predominantly awarded to the mother; therefore the father is typically the nonresidential parent (Children?s Rights Council, 2005). Consequently, for the sake of this paper, the nonresidential parent in reference will be the father. This paper will explore general theories regarding the nonresidential father?s relationship he establishes with his children and the impact his role plays in his involvement with his children. The complexities of co-parenting will be identified, as well as, various issues that potentially get in the way, such as Parental Alienation Syndrome.
For many nonresidential fathers, their ?new role? is undefined. While some factors in their new role are out their control, other factors are often decided upon in the courtroom, such as legal custody and visitation rights. The perceived role of the father in his children?s lives, however, appears to be in a cultural evolution. Compared to 20 years ago, more fathers are engaging in active parenting than they were in the 1980s. Joint custody is becoming more prevalent in today?s society as well (Kelly & Emery, 2003). Interventions that have possibly contributed to these changes over the past two decades are custody mediation, and parent education regarding divorce issues that promote a co-parenting endeavor.
There are many factors that are actually necessary to consider when looking at how divorce impacts children and the relationship they have with their non-residential parent. Some of these factors include: the nature of the initial separation, parental adjustment and resources, parental conflict and cooperation, re-partnering of one or both parents, stability of economic resources, and the child?s own individual resources (Kelly & Emery, 2003). All of these circumstances play a part in the long-term reactions and outcomes for children as they adjust post divorce.
An issue to be considered when evaluating the relationship between the children and the nonresidential parent post divorce is parental adjustment and resources. Illustrated in the literature is the fact that ?moving after divorce is common and may interfere substantially with the contacts and relationships between parents and non-moving parents? (Kelly & Emery, 2003). The relationships become hindered because the travel costs and the time needed for visits both increases which contribute to a barrier in visitation. The further away nonresidential parents live from their children, the harder and more expensive it becomes for them to maintain contact (Cooksey & Craig, 1998).
This was an apparent issue raised in both interviews conducted with the nonresidential fathers for the purpose of this paper. Both Allen and Edward attested to the diminished ability to spend time with their children due to the distance between them. Allen added that the relationship could be better,
?If I was able to visit with them more often, but I can?t afford to see them right now. I was offered this good job to move to Florida, but now that I make more money, they take more money from me. I can?t even afford to get a place of my own?I don?t know how I?ll ever get to see them again.? (Appendix B).
This is also an illustration of how the stability of economic resources plays a part in the relationship between children and the nonresidential parent post divorce.
As demonstrated in the literature review, another issue that interferes with the father?s presence in the child?s life after separation is his subsequent remarriage or re-partnering. Naturally, as a father remarries and starts a new family, the demands of his second family contribute to a diminishing commitment to the children of the prior marriage (Kelly & Emery, 2003). Edward also substantiated this when answering a question during the interview regarding his perception of the relationship he has with his children. He stated, ?Now that I have a new family, it?s put some strain on our ability to travel as often? (Appendix A).
In a study by Cooksey and Craig (1998), they modified Furstenberg et al?s (1983) suggestion that ?remarriage frequently introduces new parental obligations for the nonresidential father, weakening his ties with his biological offspring?. In referring to a ?crowding-out effect?, they found that when men father additional biological children, children from an earlier union tend to become displaced. The occurrence, however, was not as significant for nonresidential fathers that develop a blended family with stepchildren (Cooksey & Craig, 1998).
In exploring the hypothesis that the nonresidential father?s presence benefits the child?s healthy development, it appears essential to consider such things as the level of inter-parental conflict and ability to co-parent. Focusing on the issue of parental conflict, or inability to co-parent, often occurs when parents put the children in the middle to express their feelings. When this takes place, the level of conflict will have more of an impact on the children rather than when parents are able to avoid involving the children (Kelly & Emery, 2003).
The attitude of the parents is highly influential in considering the father?s role he will play in the children?s lives after the separation of the nuclear family. Maccoby, Buchanan, Mnookin, and Dornbusch (1993) identified three different co-parenting styles. For parents that talk frequently about their children, they called them ?cooperative?; a second group showed a pattern of maintaining contact with each other but in a hostile mode; and a third group which they called ?disengaged? did not communicate with each other at all (Maccoby et al, 1993).
According to Maccoby et al (1993), other factors associated with the patterns of co-parenting are the age of the children, the family size, inter-parental conflict, legal conflict, discrepant perceptions of pre-separation roles, concern about children?s well-being in the other household, and parents? new relationships. These researchers found that families with younger children had more conflict between the parents. They demonstrate that there tends to be more conflict with larger families and between parents that spend more time disputing custody in the legal system. Additionally, they report that parents in the process of forming new relationships have higher levels of conflict in co-parenting than those who had not started to date (Macoby et al, 1993).
In severe cases, the residential parent can actually inflict a barrier between the children and their nonresidential parent by alienating them or turning the children against that parent. A term, coined by Richard Gardner in 1985, as Parental Alienation Syndrome, can be defined as: a psychiatric disturbance that arises in the context of litigated child custody disputes, especially when the dispute is prolonged and acrimonious (Gardner, 1999).
?Its primary manifestation is the child?s campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification? (Novick, 2003). PAS appears to be a combination of programming or brainwashing of children to align them against and to have hostility towards the nonresidential parent. According to Dr. Gardner, there are three types of parental alienation syndrome: mild, moderate, and severe (Gardner, 1999).
If PAS actually exists, it does consequently appear to have a negative impact on the child?s psychological development. The child is essentially brainwashed into believing that the nonresidential parent is abusive or neglectful. This ?programming? technique ultimately leads a child to reject the alienated parent, and ??the love bond between child and alienated parent can be completely ruptured.? (Lefrancois, 1999, p236).
During the interviews, both non-residential fathers were asked about their awareness of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Allen denied ever hearing the term, however, in answering a question regarding his relationship with the children?s mother he stated, ?It varies?I just wish she wouldn?t turn the kids against me when she?s mad at me?she has them call me bad names and tell me they hate me.? This could possibly be an example of mild PAS. Conversely, Edward reported that his attorney educated him about PAS, because she felt the children?s mother had tendencies of imposing the syndrome on their children. He indicated that they spent years in court, and she has since then improved after being charged with contempt due to violations of their court order.
Parental Alienation Syndrome undoubtedly has an impact on the relationship between children of divorced or separated parents and the alienated parent. However, the phenomenon is still under investigation and has not been substantiated in the DSM-IV as an actual diagnosis due to the limited research (Novick, 2003).
Dr. Gardner recommends that since PAS is a family problem, family therapy is the best way to approach the syndrome when it is identified. He also recommends that one therapist treats all parties of the family system to prevent any communication complications; and he suggests for complete efficacy that the court orders all participants to follow through with therapy (Gardner, 1999).
In addition to the parents? ability to effectively co-parent, it appears there is a mixed demonstration regarding the impact the father?s presence has on the healthy development in children. In fact, one study reviewed (King, 1994), stated that there is no association between father visitation and the child?s well-being. It found a correlation between the child?s academic development and child support payments. The study concluded that the economic stability of the residential parent, as a result of consistent child support payments, has more of an impact on a child?s development than actual visitation with the father (King, 1994).
According to other studies, it appears that in low conflict circumstances, frequent visits between fathers and their children is associated with better child adjustment (Amato, 1994, Kelly & Emery, 2003). However, when intense conflict exists between the parents, more frequent visits were associated with poor adjustment. This was correlated to the fact that children had higher exposure to aggression and other stressful pressures (Kelly & Emery, 2003). Additionally, it is possible that there is ??a trade-off between the possible benefits for children from contact with their nonresidential parent and the possible harm stemming from increased parental conflict? (Maccoby, Buchanan, Mnookin, & Dornbusch, 1993).
In another study (Amato, 1994), it is theorized that there is a gender difference in the impact that contact with the non-residential parent has on the child. Conclusions of this particular study support that there is a significant impact for boys; however, not for girls when the conflict level is low. Overall, the quality of the relationship that a father has with his children is highly correlated with the quality of the co-parental relationship he has with the mother (Doherty et al, 1998).
The role the father or non-residential parent plays in the children?s life can also be classified from a developmental standpoint. The relationship and responsibility adopted can strongly be impacted by the developmental stage at which the father currently is in at the time of the divorce and in subsequent years, as well as, the contextual expectations of the environment in which the father resides.
For example, fathers that have reached Erikson?s stage of generativity in psychosocial theory may be more involved with the lives of their children than fathers that are self-absorbed (Lefrancois, p408). They may be better equipped and consequently have a higher level of responsibility or commitment for staying involved with their children despite the challenges of physical separation.
As previously mentioned, there are often ?personal, relational, cultural, and institutional barriers specific to fathering that inhibit fathers? presence in the lives of children with whom they do not live? (Doherty et al, 1998). There is the contextual situation in which the remarried father takes on the responsibility of a second family resulting in less involvement with children from a previous union. There is the case in which the father experiences ?situational constraints? due to his move for economic advantages. He consequently cannot afford to travel the greater distance (Cooksey & Craig, 1998). In other situations, the inter-parental conflict may be too severe for the two parents to maintain any level of communication after the marriage has ended.
In conclusion, continued research in the areas of divorce, the impact divorce has on children, and the ways that parents can overcome the complexities of co-parenting children is fundamental to future generations. Overcoming the various barriers that interfere with the relationship is imperative. Ultimately, the concept of what is in the best interest of the children involved is paramount.
Appendix A - Interview #1
The following information was gathered during a brief interview with Edward, age 32, a non-residential parent. He earned his high school diploma in 1990, owned a dairy farm for 10 years, and is currently employed full-time as a construction company foreman. According to Edward, the residential parent is currently employed full-time as a middle school teacher. Together they have two children as a result of their marriage: Nichol (F) age 11, and Stephanie (F) age 8.
The couple has been physically separated for 8 years, and they have been formally divorced for three years. The residential parent is engaged to be married, however currently maintains a separate household from her significant other. The non-residential parent re-married three years ago and has two children with his second wife. The mother moved with the children to North Carolina from Pennsylvania five years ago to obtain better employment. Edward moved from Pennsylvania to Florida a year ago due to a job promotion.
Q: How often do you have contact with your children?
A: ?By phone twice a week per court order and four times a year in person?.
Q: Would you say you have equal contact with each child?
A: ?I think so. There are times when the younger one doesn?t want to talk and times when the older one doesn?t feel like it, either. But, for the most part I talk to them equally?.
Q: What impact do you think your contact has on the children? Positive or Negative
A: ?That?s hard to say. It depends a lot on their mother?s state of mind. If she?s not doing well ?mentally?, then she?ll tell the girls awful things about me, like that I don?t give her money so she can?t afford groceries. If she?s doing well, she?ll sometimes encourage the girls to tell me about what?s going on in their lives?.
Q: How would you define your role in your children?s lives (i.e. social, paternal)?
A: ?It?s definitely changing. I don?t really think they look at me the same as they do their mother or like they did when we first separated. We don?t see each other enough so, it?s hard for them to think of me as a disciplinarian?.
Q: How could the relationship be better?
A: ?If their mother would promote the relationship instead of always sticking to a court order. I also don?t get to see them as often as I would like which makes the relationship very artificial. Now that I have a new family, it?s put some strain on our ability to travel as often?.
Q: How would you describe the relationship with the children?s mother?
A: ?Again, it depends on her mental stability. She takes medication for depression but doesn?t always stay on it. If she?s not doing well, she?ll either avoid me or make things hard for the girls. Right now we have an agreement not to go to court anymore. It seems to be helping things such as trust?.
Q: Could you tell me a little more about that?
A: ?Sure, we have spent 3 years in and out of the courtroom allowing lawyers and judges raise our children and make our decisions for us. We finally agreed to try harder to work together?.
Q: What types of things do you disagree about?
A: ?She is always trying to take time away from me, like she never wants the girls to see me. I have a hard time with what she spends the child support on. I don?t think she spends it on them?.
Q: Do you pay child support? Consistently? Approximately how much?
A : ?Yes, I pay $1000 a month and it?s wage attached so as long as I?m working, she?s getting her money. Plus all of my tax refunds go to the state to pay off any amount I can?t pay.?
Q: Do any of your children have behavior problems, such as: suspensions, running away, excessive physical illness, detention, legal problems, grade retention, or emotional problems?
A: ?She takes them to counseling, but because I?ve asked her to.?
Q: Have you ever heard of Parental Alienation Syndrome?
A: ?Yes, I think so. My attorney was convinced that Becky does this to the girls but it?s so hard to prove to the courts and she was pretty mild. Anyways, she?s getting better now that we spent so many years in court and I had her charged for contempt of the order?.
Appendix B - Interview #2
The following information was gathered during a brief interview with Allen, age 34, a non-residential parent. He earned his high school diploma in 1988, spent four years in the military, and is currently employed full-time as a builder. According to Allen, the residential parent is currently unemployed; however, she is working on a bachelor?s degree in psychology. Together they have five children as a result of their 10 year marriage: Valerie (F) age 12, Lindsey (F) age 10, Thomas (M) age 8, Joseph (M) age 6, and Kelley (F) age 4.
The couple separated three years ago and they have been formally divorced for two years. Both parents are currently single but are in monogamous relationships that have endured for a year or longer. The residential parent cohabitates with her significant other; however, the non-residential parent lives independently. The children moved to Maryland from Pennsylvania with the residential parent two years ago. Allen moved from Pennsylvania to Florida a year ago due to a job opportunity.
Q: How often do you have contact with your children?
A: ?Not as often as I would like. I talk to them on the phone 3-4 times a week, and I saw them about 15 months ago before I moved to Florida?.
Q: Would you say you have equal contact with each child?
A: ?Pretty much. I try to talk to all of the children each time, but sometimes they are busy doing ?kid things?. I probably talk to the girls (Valerie and Lindsey) more because they are older and have more things to talk about.?
Q: What impact do you think your contact has on the children? Positive or Negative
A: ?I would say positive overall, but negative because I don?t get to see them. It?s hard on them emotionally, and sometimes they get mad at me for that?.
Q: How would you define your role in your children?s lives (i.e. social, paternal)?
A: ?I think it?s pretty supportive and I try to keep a nice balance. I feel they listen to me when we talk on the phone and they know when I am disappointed in them when they have had bad behavior?.
Q: How could the relationship be better?
A: ?If I was able to visit with them more often, but I can?t afford to see them right now. I was offered this good job to move to Florida, but now that I make more money, they take more money from me. I can?t even afford to get a place of my own; I have to live with my mother. I don?t know how I?ll ever get to see them again.?
Q: How would you describe the relationship with the children?s mother?
A: ?Our relationship definitely varies. It?s gotten better than it was when we first separated. All depends on if she wants to argue with me. At least she tells me about the kids and how they?re doing in school and stuff. I just wish she wouldn?t turn the kids against me when she?s mad at me?.
Q: Could you tell me a little more about that?
A: ?Yeah, when she doesn?t get what she wants, she has the kids call me bad names or tell me they hate me. It?s not fair to put them in the middle?.
Q: What types of things do you disagree about?
?A lot of things, but mostly child support because she doesn?t feel like she gets enough. She?s always taking me back to court for more money. I don?t know how I could possibly give her anymore. She also always wants to be right. She also doesn?t tell me things that she?s doing with court. I guess she?s not always a good co-parent?.
Q: Do you pay child support? Consistently? Approximately how much?
A: ?Yes, I pay around $339 every week plus I have to cover the kids? healthcare which is $49/week. The amount I pay is regulated by my hours worked. So, sometimes if I don?t get a full week in because of bad weather or something, I get charged arrearages?.
Q: Do any of your children have behavior problems, such as: suspensions, running away, excessive physical illness, detention, legal problems, grade retention, or emotional problems?
A: ?Nothing that I would say has been worse since our divorce?.
Q: Have you ever heard of Parental Alienation Syndrome?
A: ?Not that I am aware of?.
References
Amato, P. R., & Rezac, S. J. (1994). Contact with nonresidential parents, interparental conflict, and children?s behavior. Journal of Family Issues, 15, 191-207.
Children?s Rights Council (2005). Joint custody and shared parenting. Retrieved May 15, 2005, from http://www.gocrc.com/.
Cooksey, E. C., & Craig, P. H. (1998). Parenting from a distance: The effects of paternal characteristics on contact between nonresidential fathers and their children. Demography, 35(2), 187-200.
Doherty, W. J., Kouneski, E. F., & Erickson, M. F. (1998). Responsible fathering: An overview and conceptual framework. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60(2), 227-292.
Kelly, J.B., & Emery, R.E. (2003). Children?s adjustment following divorce: risk and resilience perspectives. Family Relations, 52(4), 352-368.
King, V. (1994). Nonresidential father involvement and child well-being: can dads make a difference?. Journal of Family Issues, 15, 78-97.
Lefrancois, G.R. (1999). 6th edition. The Lifespan. Wadsworth Publisher: Belmont, Ca
Maccoby, E.E., Buchanan, C.M., Mnookin, R.H., & Dornbusch, S.M. (1993). Post divorce roles of mothers and fathers in the lives of their children. Journal of Family Psychology, 7(1), 24-38.
U.S. Bureau of the Census. (1995). Statistical abstract of the United States: 1995. (115th ed.). Washington, D.C.