Last night was my first session of DivoreCare. Due to my accident I actually missed the first week.
There are 5 of us in class. 2 men and 2 women and the instructor.
Last night we review the grieving process of divorce.
Grieving lost hopes and dreams. :'(
I had really never thought of divorce like they explained it. Two become one when you marry, but when you divorce you don't become 2 again. You are a ripped up half. You lose part of yourself and have to work at regaining that part again. Quite insightful.
Very insightful! I had never thought of it that way either. I have been married (to the same woman) since 1973. I can't imagine losing that much of myself.
I guess I was lucky in my first divorce. I gained a whole new "me" I never knew existed, and never would have known, had I stayed in that marriage. (Note: I married my high school boyfriend when I was 20)
Accident?
Went through the divorce thing, too. Who hasn't? But, like everybody else, (all together now) "I never thought it would happen to me."
Time is the best healer.
You said it follows!!! I still think it would have been easier to get through if the men would have died from some accident or something. Not that I wish him dead, I still freaking love the guy (or love who I thought I was married too), but there would have been closure. I still haven't gotten it and don't think I ever will.
I haven't been through a divorce,but it doesn't take one to know how it feels. Some people have divorce parties,some people follow their soon to be ex all over town. Very disturbing process no doubt. Hang in there BEG.
Quote from: American_Woman on September 25, 2006, 10:06:29 AM
I haven't been through a divorce,but it doesn't take one to know how it feels. Some people have divorce parties,some people follow their soon to be ex all over town. Very disturbing process no doubt. Hang in there BEG.
Some have an ex that still harbors anger for her own dumb mistakes (after 8 years) & tries to make her ex's life miserable.
Closure is the key -- and being healthy (mentally, physically, spiritually).
Quote from: BEG on September 21, 2006, 10:52:14 AM
Last night was my first session of DivoreCare. Due to my accident I actually missed the first week.
There are 5 of us in class. 2 men and 2 women and the instructor.
Last night we review the grieving process of divorce.
Grieving lost hopes and dreams. :'(
I had really never thought of divorce like they explained it. Two become one when you marry, but when you divorce you don't become 2 again. You are a ripped up half. You lose part of yourself and have to work at regaining that part again. Quite insightful.
Good to hear that you got to attend BEG! ;) We had one join us new last week also. She was relunctant at first, but by the time it was over for the night, she was already talking about how she looked forward to coming next week. :) It is a great program and has some wonderful insights that can be very enlightening. I hope you get to take it all the way through. I highly doubt you will be disappointed! ;D Have a great evening my friend! Tell little BEG to give you a big hug for the LRHG and me! :)
Marriage is an antiquated institution. If you love someone and you are meant to be together you won't need a peice of paper to say so.
Quote from: Popedaddy on October 02, 2006, 12:30:09 AM
Marriage is an antiquated institution. If you love someone and you are meant to be together you won't need a peice of paper to say so.
Interpretation: Commitment Phobe!
;D
Quote from: ~Daisy~ on October 02, 2006, 07:49:04 AM
Quote from: Popedaddy on October 02, 2006, 12:30:09 AM
Marriage is an antiquated institution. If you love someone and you are meant to be together you won't need a peice of paper to say so.
Interpretation: Commitment Phobe!
Not at all. Marriage is completely for the woman's peice of....mind. (http://united-technology.com/smf/Smileys/default/grin.gif)
Who are you kidding, Pope...actually, most women look forward to that shiny thing on their ring finger.
You missed my joke Sunny.
Doh! Still running in SLOW mode...I'll get it next time around! :biggrin:
Last night's DivorceCare session was about depression, which I found out that this summer I was an expert on.
But I honestly think I've turned the corner - not that I won't have bad days, but I'm gonna have some pretty awesome days too. :yes: I have to keep looking to the future in hope and not dwell on my past.
I hope you are keeping track of your emotional progress somewhere, like a diary or a personal blog. I think its healthy to do that, and every month go back and re-read everything and see how much you've changed. I've done that, and sometimes still go back and read things from years ago, and think "wow, when was I ever like that?"
I write every day in a notebook. I write without thinking. I go back and sometimes laugh at myself.....It's a blast!
Quote from: Fatcats Mom on October 05, 2006, 05:09:03 PM
I write every day in a notebook. I write without thinking. I go back and sometimes laugh at myself.....It's a blast!
And a great catharsis, too.....did I spell that correctly? Yup...and according to merriam-webster online it means this:
1 : PURGATION
2 a : purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art b : a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
3 : elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression
Just free writing allows your complex thoughts to come to the surface...it's like "talking outloud" but writing it eliminates everyone else from thinking you're crazy...which is okay, unless you're walking down an alley late at night and someone is approaching...LOL!!! Just "free writing here"...gotcha ;)
One thing I am sure, BEG, is being gone over is your responsibility for the failed relationship. I hope. I think people who divorce and don't see where they went wrong in a relationship are forever doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past....and continue failing in relationships forever....at least, that's what I see as my daily routine...looking at myself for my failings, as well as those around me...
Quote from: Cookie Parker on October 08, 2006, 05:56:52 PM
One thing I am sure, BEG, is being gone over is your responsibility for the failed relationship. I hope. I think people who divorce and don't see where they went wrong in a relationship are forever doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past....and continue failing in relationships forever....at least, that's what I see as my daily routine...looking at myself for my failings, as well as those around me...
Right, CP. I accept responsibilty for my portion of the failed relationship. This is the adult thing to do. That however does not mean that I am a failure - the relationship is. And I shouldn't dwell constantly on my mistakes. I've been adviced to review them make the necessary changes and move forward. Sounds simple but it is a struggle sometimes.
We are signing the divorce papers today and having them notarized and taking them to the county clerks office!
Good Luck BEG.....My thoughts are with you.
Thank you FCM. It's been a long and tediuos process, but this is best for all of us.
I'm just happy we are parting as friends. It makes is soooo much easier for Lil BEG. :yes:
So how have the sessions gone over the last month?
It's been okay. It's been about seeking new relationships, sexuality after the divorce and forgiving your spouse so you can move on.
I think I'm tired of the process - or maybe I'm just tired period. I know that I'm ready for next Wed. which is the last night. :smile:
You probably are already where you are supposed to be, and maybe feel that they can't tell you anything more than what you already feel and think for yourself.
Quote from: pariann on November 22, 2006, 01:51:36 PM
You probably are already where you are supposed to be, and maybe feel that they can't tell you anything more than what you already feel and think for yourself.
Yep, I think that is true. :wink:
I'm glad to hear you are doing well, BEG. We need to get out again soon!
Quote from: BEG on November 22, 2006, 01:49:55 PM
It's been okay. It's been about seeking new relationships, sexuality after the divorce and forgiving your spouse so you can move on.
I think I'm tired of the process - or maybe I'm just tired period. I know that I'm ready for next Wed. which is the last night. :smile:
Out of curiosity, what's their approach to this, BEG?? Are these exclusively romantic relationships, or ANY? I.E. Suggested timeframe to entering into a new one.
At any rate, GOOD FOR YOU for sticking with these classes!!
My divorce is final today!
Congratulations! Not the words you thought you'd want to hear a year ago, but I'm happy that you are happy today! :) :) :) :) :)
Freedom Rings.
Am I happy to be free... or happy to be free FROM him?
Meaning - if I am happy to be divorced, why am I looking for another man to spend time with?
Hmmm - very thought provoking..... :think:
Free to persue the single life. Variety, it's the spice of life. :biggrin: You may have to go through several dating experiences and by the time you are done, you may choose to be alone anyway. I think you have already found that you can't rush a new relationship.
My advice....don't look, love will find you. And if you have already found it, don't worry too much, it comes back if it's meant to.
Quote from: BEG on April 06, 2007, 08:26:41 AM
Am I happy to be free... or happy to be free FROM him?
Meaning - if I am happy to be divorced, why am I looking for another man to spend time with?
Hmmm - very thought provoking..... :think:
Are you looking for another man to spend time with or are you trying to avoid being alone?
I mean this earnestly since you asked a rhetorical question.
IMO, the true answer lies within that, BEG.
Just yesterday, my husband & I had a discussion about "being single". (Not to be mistaken with a seperation). We "compared notes" on the periods of "singleness" we've both experienced since dating age, and sadly HE won. He went a whole 2 years without a steady girlfriend....I didn't truly last a year without seeing someone.
So, it made me do some introspection. Even when I thought I was single, I truly wasn't...and I think it was that I don't like being alone...no matter how much I declare my "independence".
Do you know what truly makes you happy?
You hit the mail on the head, Sunny! :yes:
I did alot of soul searching last Summer and Fall. With being in counseling, I worked (and I mean WORKED) on what makes me happy and what I want. I learned that no one person can make me happy, just like I cannot make anyone else happy. I am the ONLY one that can make me happy and that has to do with the choices that I make. I think once I reconciled that, I then began looking for someone to enjoy life with.