I don't usually crosspost things I put on other forums, but I'm at a point where I need to get some input from other people.
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I don't think I've ever felt as low as I do today. Ever since I made the decision to come back to Indiana in the summer, I've been looking for a job. Today, I'm living in my old room at my parents house, going to the library to use the internet, and applying to every position I can find regardless of the pay. I'm watching the cash I've saved slowly disappear. I'm getting weeded out of potential employment because some computer doesn't like the answers I give on some subjective "personality profile".
But, what's worse is my true reason for coming back to Indiana seems to be slipping away from me as well. I had grand thoughts of coming home and being with a woman I've fallen deeply in love with for the rest of my life. We could be a family and do things that families do. Vacations, weekends at the parks, game nights, all that sappy stuff that I remember so well from my youth.
I'm 35 years old and I've never been in a serious relationship. There's an incredible learning curve that I just keep tripping over and I can't seem to stop. And just when I think everything is going to be okay again, I do something else stupid.
She's the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life. I'm so happy when she's around. When we part, I look forward to the next time I'll see her again. Now I fear that there won't be a next time. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm just not getting it right all the time.
I know that nobody said this would be easy. I'd just like to see a ray of light sometime so I know I'm moving in the right direction.
I realize this category is "just for fun". But I don't know who else to talk to. I feel so alone in a place that I spent the better part of my life and you're the closest thing I've got to a social network right now.
Just somebody, please tell me this gets better.
C....I may be the last one you want to hear from...but for what it's worth....If you are that geeked over this girl....then it will be worth everything you are going through..........does SHE feel the same way about you? - that's the BIG question.
if she does....quit second guessing yourself and relax..............if you don't know HOW she feels....then ask her.
now the tough one........if she does NOT feel the same way that you do...............then you need to figure out maybe a new strategy on her....because if she is the best thing to happen to you....then, by all means, don't give up....
last thing....things WILL get better...your just in a rut....it will pass.
I would buy you a drink.......heck...head down to henry's bar and continue the conversation.
Not bad, Henry :thumbsup:
I agree, things get better and I'd like to add that objectively speaking, you have a lot going on and should give yourself a bit of a break.
1. You've moved home. Maybe you have the MOST awesome parents in the world, but it's a little difficult to do that without remembering how it felt the last time that room was your permanent home.
2. You're changing careers or at least jobs. It's challenging enough to change jobs while you still have one, but start from the beginning again, in this economy....a lil' tough. Who wouldn't be stressed?
3. Perhaps you see yourself as having gone from completely independent to somewhat dependant? If so, You're not any less independent than you were and as things fall into place, you'll get back that complete feeling of Independence.
4. Your new serious relationship, it may not be "new", but you've taken a huge step and now it's "go time" and it doesn't matter if it's your first or 101st. You're going to be nervous because you want this SO badly. Have you shared all of these thoughts with her? If not, honestly, that is where I would have started.
Hey C91 - I'm sending you a PM now about a job.